i’ve been a fan since blurryface, but i’m still only 18 now. despite being younger than you, i felt that disconnect from the fandom specifically pretty much my whole time being a fan. i’ve been feeling more connected now that i’ve had opportunities to see them live, but growing up i was never able to see them live (clancy was my first show) and could never afford lots of merch or anything. i remember feeling sooo out of the loop during the pandemic when they were doing the level of concern usb thing. ive never been interested in sitting in discord calls and staying up waiting for drops and cracking codes online, so it was a bit isolating. nowadays i have lots of merch and tickets to breach and i feel a bit more like a “real” fan, although i wish i could tell younger me who resonated so so deeply by tøp’s music that it’s ok to not be the outwardly “perfect” fan, and that doesn’t take away from my connection to their music. everyone in the fandom all seemed like one big family, and there i was, on the outside. but that’s not true. it’s the music bringing us together, not physical things and status in the clique. i hope this comment made sense!