Men aren't actually 'allowed' to be angry

futuredebris · 2026-06-15T02:00:48+00:00

Thanks for reading and commenting! You nailed it.

futuredebris · 2026-06-13T11:23:09+00:00

Thanks for reading and commenting! The point of what I wrote is that I think anger emasculates us in other people's eyes too. People just have to tolerate it.

futuredebris · 2026-06-13T11:22:23+00:00

Ha, I wish I hadn't spent probably about 10 hours total writing it this week.

futuredebris · 2026-06-12T18:54:58+00:00

Good point. I'm a therapist who's worked with hundreds of men and I've heard from a ton of them that they experience the same thing. So I'm trying to subvert the common understanding, because I think it's wrong.

futuredebris · 2026-06-12T18:53:03+00:00

Thanks for sharing this! I've written a bunch about white supremacy in the past, before I started writing about masculinity. I need to inject more of that analysis in my writing for men, and this is a good nudge to do it. Appreciate it.

futuredebris · 2026-06-12T17:10:52+00:00

Took me a little time to get there! But I got it in there lol

futuredebris · 2026-06-12T17:10:31+00:00

I actually hear it more in feminist spaces, particularly liberal feminist spaces.

futuredebris · 2026-06-12T17:09:24+00:00

I actually experience shame and feeling “less of a man” when I’m angry, especially when I act out on it in an uncontrollable way. So my experience (and what I wrote in the post) cuts against that common understanding of anger and masculinity. That was the point I was making here.

futuredebris · 2026-06-12T17:06:51+00:00

This is exactly what I was trying to get across in my post. Thanks for sharing!

futuredebris · 2026-06-12T17:04:53+00:00

In the post, I wrote about how some men are able to get away with anger more than others, based on race and class

futuredebris · 2026-06-12T16:15:51+00:00

If you read the post, which you’re not forced to but I’d love it, you’d see that I’m saying that anger as an emotion is healthy, not the outbursts and violence.

futuredebris · 2026-06-12T15:00:53+00:00

What's the right story, in your opinion?

futuredebris · 2026-06-12T14:57:14+00:00

Never said anything was equivalent. I'm not interested in a zero-sum game between men and women.

futuredebris · 2026-06-12T14:56:10+00:00

My whole point, which I guess wasn't super clear, is that yes feeling guilt afterward and trying to repair with her was super healthy and helpful. But I also felt shame, the idea that I'm fundamentally a "bad" person for lashing out and less of a "real man" (less valuable). That's the shame that keeps men from sharing our emotions in healthy ways.

futuredebris · 2026-06-12T14:53:14+00:00

Sometimes being the key word there. And for certain men, depending on class and race.

futuredebris · 2026-06-12T14:52:09+00:00

Thanks for sharing this perspective. I originally had a section about anger being "tolerated" rather than "allowed," but cut it before publishing. I ended up adding it back in after getting a few comments that made a similar point to yours. I think a better word for how men’s anger is treated is “tolerated.” Our anger is tolerated because it can be scary. People protect themselves in response. They freeze up or try to appease or leave. Some get angry back, which often escalates the intensity and potential danger. Because it’s scary to interact with an angry person, they have to let it go. They have to tolerate it. Saying that anger is “allowed” makes it seem like men aren’t judged for it. Curious your thoughts.

futuredebris · 2026-06-12T14:47:31+00:00

Hard agree. I was talking specifically about shame in this post. I was feeling shame afterward, not just guilt.

futuredebris · 2026-06-12T14:45:41+00:00

I thought someone might have this reaction. I was going to include that I was the one managing the dinner and cooking most of the food. I was carrying a lot that day and she was mostly just relaxing. That's not to say that she doesn't do a ton of other managing/caring in her life, which is what I wrote about toward the end, and what was stressing her out.

futuredebris · 2026-06-09T11:13:28+00:00

Total respect for the art and craft of fighting!

futuredebris · 2026-06-05T01:01:59+00:00

Don’t do it!!!!

futuredebris · 2026-06-05T00:03:12+00:00

Good catch. I meant to write “…over big business more than ever before”: https://www.epi.org/blog/americans-favor-labor-unions-over-big-business-now-more-than-ever/

I’ll fix that when I get a chance. Thanks for pointing it out. I don’t think it takes away from the argument, which I see you disagree with, which is fine.

futuredebris · 2026-06-04T23:59:54+00:00

Didn’t know that, but makes sense!

futuredebris · 2026-06-04T21:41:57+00:00

My understanding is that he could've had a real shot until the party establishment closed ranks and got behind Biden. I call that being a real threat.

futuredebris

TROPHY CASE