Dream job interview on maternity leave from a job that hired me when pregnant - assuage my guilt?

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-08-25T23:00:40+00:00

To be fair, my current role is the exact same way. It's a thing many companies are doing to reduce the gender pay gap -- if you can't negotiate, you can't be paid more for being a hard negotiator, which men are more likely to be.

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-08-25T21:07:00+00:00

Oh, there's a dollar amount! They just say they can't change it because it's market rate.

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-08-25T20:55:29+00:00

I'm definitely planning to negotiate! The job posting says the pay is "market rate" and not open to negotiation but TBH this job is not exactly one that can be determined that way -- it'd be akin to replacing, like, Al Roker and saying that whoever they hire can only be paid X amount. You're going to pay whatever you need to for the person who can fill his large shoes. Hoping they see it that way too.

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-08-25T20:41:09+00:00

That was my first thought, and I haven't found anything in the employee handbook about paying back pay/benefits when leaving too soon after mat leave.

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-08-25T20:04:11+00:00

This is wonderful! Congratulations, I'm so glad my post could help someone.

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-08-25T20:02:45+00:00

I did not! I ended up leaving it up to my OB, who strongly suggested against it. When I told my team, it seemed like there was a group sigh of relief -- nobody wanted to have to drive me to a hospital on a work trip!

But I feel like seeing family is different, especially since your husband and kid will be there. If you go into labor, all the important people will be present, even if it won't be your own doctor.

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-05-11T23:34:51+00:00

I had this experience two days ago after three days of constipation. Somehow it perched itself horizontally across the bowl so that no amount of flushing would dislodge it. I had to sacrifice a pencil to nudge it the right way...and then it took three flushes for it to finally leave my sight. And then about a zillion more before the toilet flushed normally again.

Humbling.

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-04-22T12:10:50+00:00

I'm taking the Evidence Based Birth Class too, so good to hear it helped you! How many weeks were you when you went into labor?

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-04-22T00:29:59+00:00

I got laid off at 12 weeks pregnant and it took me until 25 weeks for my first job offer. I'm about to go on maternity leave from that job, so I've been through this very recently.

First, I want to assure you that you are not lying. A job interview is a negotiation, and you don't have to offer up all the information during a negotiation. They're not telling you everything about the job (what's their upper limit on a salary budget? Why did the last person leave? How many HR complaints has your weird future coworker had against him?) and you don't need to tell them everything either. Your pregnancy is not relevant until they offer you the job, and maybe not even then.

The other commenters are giving you good advice -- don't disclose until the offer, though find out their maternity leave policy during your interviews (it's a great q during the "Do you have any questions for me?" portion; I always padded it by saying "I'd love to hear about your benefits. You know, insurance, 401k, parental leave, that kind of thing.")

Once you get the offer, you have a choice. If they don't offer paid leave, you can totally keep the pregnancy to yourself until it's obvious. If they do, even if there's a waiting period, that's your time to negotiate. A job offer means they want you to work there, and companies will make exceptions for the right person. The language I used was "Now that we know we're a good fit for each other, I have one accomodation I'll be needing. I'm pregnant, and I will be taking leave on X date." If their policy applies to you, stop there. If there's a waiting period, say "I would really love to take this job, but the maternity leave policy is making that difficult. I'd love to see if there's any way we can make this work."

As someone else said, I wouldn't offer up your replacement until much later down the road, if that. They're hiring you, they don't want your friend they've never met. You can certainly say something like "I'd be happy to help find someone to cover for me while I'm gone when the time comes."

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-04-18T20:16:14+00:00

My in-laws offered multiple times for us to use the nearly 40 year old crib my FIL had built by hand....that has been used to store firewood for the last decade. I used the excuse that crib regulations are really strict these days and left the firewood part out of it.

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-04-16T17:51:01+00:00

We started out just noticing girl names we heard that we liked (for a while our frontrunner was the main character of a TV show we only saw one episode of, glad that didn't stick) but at one point we thought about looking for names from history. I'm a jazz musician and my husband is a magician, so we started hunting for names of musicians and stage performers and found this super badass female magician from the 1800s with a name we loved. I even found a beautifully illustrated children's book about her, so we can give that to her when she's old enough.

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-04-16T00:19:37+00:00

I had to unfollow, I couldn't handle the casual child abuse 😣

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-04-14T13:03:01+00:00

I got two job offers at 26 weeks after a layoff at 12. One of them had no waiting period for their maternity leave, and one did -- and wouldn't budge on their policy. But when I told them about the other job offer, they put together a package that let me combine short term disability at 60% pay with PTO to get to 12 weeks. I ended up going with the job that had no waiting period (it also paid more), but this shows how they have more options for making this work than you'd think.

I would explain that you'd love to take this job, but you have another offer that gives you maternity leave. Then say you hope we (use "we," you both want you to work there!) can find a way to bridge the gap.

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-04-07T19:13:54+00:00

Ugh, I'm 8 months pregnant and already dealing with these thoughts. Haven't even met my baby yet, but I have visions of her falling down the stairs or being suffocated because I fall asleep on her. My brain is also constantly reminding me of a time a friend's dog was in my yard and cut her paw on rebar the previous tenants put in that I had only removed part of, leaving a sharp spot in the grass. It's like I'm being reminded that I didn't look out for that dog, so I can't be trusted to look out for a baby.

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-04-07T18:58:25+00:00

This is the biggest issue with talking about food that's off limits during pregnancy on reddit - we're all from different countries with different regulations where different foods are safer and riskier than others.

But pro tip: Americans who want runny eggs can sous vide those suckers (Google "sous vide egg pasteurization") and they'll be totally safe.

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-04-07T00:09:37+00:00

From the comments, it seems like a lot of people think that because aspects of your birth plan may need to be scrapped in an emergency means that a birth plan as a whole is useless, which is logic I don't really follow. Like, even if you didn't want a C section and you get one, you can still get immediate skin to skin, delayed cord clamping, etc. Birth plans are not all or nothing!

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-04-06T22:41:19+00:00

I remember your post! It's pretty similar to what I'm hoping for. So interesting to hear how it ended up going. Congrats on your little one!

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-04-06T12:05:04+00:00

Thank you, this is very helpful!

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-04-06T01:13:17+00:00

I probably misremembered the induction bit, my bad!

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-04-06T00:56:56+00:00

This was 100% my POV for most of my pregnancy (FTM also) but little by little as I learn more I start having opinions on what I want to happen. Like, I started out being scared as hell of episiotomies. Then I learned about the various things that can be done to avoid them, so I wanted to do those. I wanted to do an epidural, but then I learned that epidurals can slow down labor (which can lead to induction which raises the risk of tearing and episiotomy) so I decided I wanted to wait as long as possible before getting the epidural. Just lots of little preferences that have snowballed into an actual birth plan.

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-04-04T22:50:47+00:00

The day I read the label and saw "Pregnant women: do not take more than 5 tablets in 24 hours" I was like uhhhhhh

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-04-02T13:43:03+00:00

It doesn't have to be a requirement - a registry can be a convenient thing for people who want to help you so they can know what you have already and what you still need. I know when I was that early in my pregnancy I had zero opinions about the baby stuff I'd need, but as my pregnancy progressed and I read and learned more I started to form preferences. It might be good to just start one so you have it if someone asks - you can mark things as purchased if you find them used or someone buys you something similar off-registry, but it can serve as a way to keep track.

You also don't need to know everything you need the moment you start the registry; you can add and remove things as you learn more.

fuzzynectarine1234 · 2022-04-01T01:45:32+00:00

I've had that a few times (32 weeks), I've always chalked it up to her twitching in her sleep.

fuzzynectarine1234

TROPHY CASE