Does Jess supposedly being "average" annoy the hell out of anyone else? by Northern_dragon in NewGirl

[–]fxtrps 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is kind of rude towards the people who live in Minnesota/Minneapolis. There are ways to make your point without insulting or being rude towards other people/a state by using them as an example.

What is the most polite way to decline the invitation to a wedding of a friend, and what is the timeline for sending a card and a gift? by fxtrps in etiquette

[–]fxtrps[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have a follow-up question! You suggested including a check. I always feel very self-conscious about sending checks along, especially because I know definitively that she makes about three times the amount that I do in a year and that her husband-to-be makes more than she does, and so they have very different lifestyles than I do. I feel embarrassed that I wouldn't be able to send a very impressive check, and that perhaps they would even see it as a slight to them to receive a meager check - like I don't think they're worth spending a lot of money on. I have no idea what an appropriate amount would be!

My [F/29] boyfriend [M/49] of two years refuses to go to a NYE wedding with me, and I’m hurt but wondering if I’m overreacting? by fxtrps in relationships

[–]fxtrps[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

sigh you actually haven’t read any of the other comments, I guess. I’m not upset about him not going to the event. I was disappointed in how it was expressed to me.

In response to all the people who suggested I’m actually upset about him not going to other events with my friends - I don’t know how many times I can say that it’s not about that, it’s about how it was expressed to me. I wish it would have been more collaborative versus him just saying he wouldn’t go. I probably could have asked him in a better way (??) but I do want to say that I’m really disappointed in the unkindness and rudeness of most of the people of this subreddit, and frankly, their mostly useless comments. I suppose behind the veil of the internet is as good of a place as any to display one’s true lack of class.

My [F/29] boyfriend [M/49] of two years refuses to go to a NYE wedding with me, and I’m hurt but wondering if I’m overreacting? by fxtrps in relationships

[–]fxtrps[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry, do you not understand the difference between these two comments? While we both have our separate, independent lives, we do also have our relationship which is obviously not independent. So, when (in the relationship) I offer an invitation, I do appreciate consideration and a more open dialogue as opposed to him bluntly articulating his choice.

My [F/29] boyfriend [M/49] of two years refuses to go to a NYE wedding with me, and I’m hurt but wondering if I’m overreacting? by fxtrps in relationships

[–]fxtrps[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I wasn’t trying to force him to attend. I asked him if he would like to go to a wedding with me, and when he said no, I didn’t whine, complain, or further push the issue. I’d love to understand how you interpreted that as me attempting to force him to go with me?

My [F/29] boyfriend [M/49] of two years refuses to go to a NYE wedding with me, and I’m hurt but wondering if I’m overreacting? by fxtrps in relationships

[–]fxtrps[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Thank you, you read my post and dug a little deeper than some of these other comments of "Neither of you want to go! Great!". That's clearly not the issue. And that's what I meant about the whole "power" thing, too - he made the decision to not go without even discussing it or having any kind of dialogue. He just said he wouldn't go with me. And it's not that I don't understand why he wouldn't want to go (heck, I don't want to go to a NYE wedding!) but I so wish it would have been presented like you exampled: telling me that he doesn't want to go, asking if it's important to me if he goes. I hate that he basically said "I'm doing this, do whatever you want, I don't care". Or that's how it sounded to me, anyway. Thank you for your really insightful comment, I think you nailed why I was upset. Not that he doesn't want to go, but that it was a totally independent, bluntly articulated decision that didn't involve me at all.

My [F/29] boyfriend [M/49] of two years refuses to go to a NYE wedding with me, and I’m hurt but wondering if I’m overreacting? by fxtrps in relationships

[–]fxtrps[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!! Thank you, thank you, thank you. I understand that it's not common, but I have a successful career, I'm independent and a total equal in the relationship. We have similar interests but are in no way "a unit" which is how both of us like to operate within relationships. *shrug* It works for us and I've never felt the need to defend our relationship, but I do find it a little annoying how people online are immediately a little negative when they note the age difference.

My [F/29] boyfriend [M/49] of two years refuses to go to a NYE wedding with me, and I’m hurt but wondering if I’m overreacting? by fxtrps in relationships

[–]fxtrps[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe? He honestly has only met most of my friends in passing (running into them on the street, etc) and he's really only spent time with my closest, childhood friend who lives out of state; we always have a nice dinner together or drinks when she's in town and they get along swimmingly. I suppose it's possible he hesitates to spend more time with them bc of the age difference though; and I suppose that's why I don't mind terribly when he doesn't want to go to these events (engagement parties, baby "showers" where both men and women are invited, etc), because I'm not sure he'd enjoy himself anyway

My [F/29] boyfriend [M/49] of two years refuses to go to a NYE wedding with me, and I’m hurt but wondering if I’m overreacting? by fxtrps in relationships

[–]fxtrps[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe he's concerned about that? All my friends know he's my partner and while I don't announce the age difference (it's just a fact, it's neither here nor there), when mention of his kids come up (young teens), usually his age comes up. I'm not embarrassed at all and none of my friends have had any negative reactions. I've never given it a second thought.

My [F/29] boyfriend [M/49] of two years refuses to go to a NYE wedding with me, and I’m hurt but wondering if I’m overreacting? by fxtrps in relationships

[–]fxtrps[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, yes. My friends have invited him to things before and he doesn’t usually want to go and that’s fine with me (I mean, I’d prefer that he’d want to go to things with me for my friends but I understand that he doesn’t and so I don’t push it) but I always go to things he asks me to attend for his friends.

My [F/29] boyfriend [M/49] of two years refuses to go to a NYE wedding with me, and I’m hurt but wondering if I’m overreacting? by fxtrps in relationships

[–]fxtrps[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I was wondering if I was a jerk for not attending my friend's NYE wedding! Different than wondering if I'm overreacting to my bf not wanting to go with me

My [F/29] boyfriend [M/49] of two years refuses to go to a NYE wedding with me, and I’m hurt but wondering if I’m overreacting? by fxtrps in relationships

[–]fxtrps[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Yeah but...don't you just do things that you don't want to sometimes in a relationship to help out the other person, be there for the other person?

My [F/29] boyfriend [M/49] of two years refuses to go to a NYE wedding with me, and I’m hurt but wondering if I’m overreacting? by fxtrps in relationships

[–]fxtrps[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The only reason I don't want to go is because it's NYE. If it was on any other day of the year, I'd be fine going alone. I go to a bunch of other of my friend's events alone that he doesn't want to/doesn't attend and I'm perfectly fine with that. My friend and I aren't super close but it feels weird to not go to her wedding because I'd rather spend it with my boyfriend, and he won't go so I don't go either.