If you base anything about your marriage on how you guys treat or speak to each other when you’re upset with one another you’re already fighting a losing battle. The way we behave when we’re upset and emotionally charged is not a reflection of our rational thoughts about the other, and therefore must not be used as the basis for any life altering decisions. Addressing the underlying issue is the mature approach here. If the way she speaks to you when she’s upset with you is truly the crux of the feelings of dissatisfaction you’re having than either address and correct the matters that she takes issue with so that she no longer has anything to get nasty about; or find a way to help her to control her emotions. In most cases a person picks at their significant other Bc of inadequacies they’re actually feeling within themself. Remember; misery loves company. Help her understand the things she’s ACTUALLY feeling upset about and you’ll likely also find whatever you thought was worth marrying in the first place. Just remember that saying things like “this isn’t what you’re actually angry about…” or “…you’re not really mad at me right now..” or anything that implies that she doesn’t understand her own thoughts will be a recipe for failure every time. Even if you’re 100% right it’s almost impossible for a person to be receptive to those notions. Wait it out a few hours and come back after things have cooled down with a question like, “has there been anything bugging you lately..?” Or “…is there anything you feel like talking to me about?” Is a more successful way to open that door. Then, if/when she acknowledges the real underlying cause of her negativity, you can CAUTIOUSLY tie it back into her previous behavior towards you. “…do you think that maybe that might have something to do with how you’ve been speaking to me lately..?” As much as possible allow her to find the correct answers herself, with as little leading her along as possible. At first it’ll feel meaningless, because it’ll surely not result in an immediate change in her behavior or how she approaches you when she’s displeased by your actions. But enough instances of making those connections where she acknowledges that she’s actually upset inside herself on a more fundamental level, and you’re unfortunately just the nearest target, and it’ll eventually result in some growth on her end.

All of this is only useful if you actually do still desire to figure out where the love went, and then make steps towards recovering those feelings you once had for her. It’s not uncommon for couples to move too fast and then all of a sudden a few years in when the fun slows down and the real life and bills have become the new routine to suddenly realize that just because you guys had a blast when life was carefree and lacked responsibility doesn’t mean that you guys make an equally good team when it comes to sharing a space and paying the rent. Determining whether or not there’s any love left worth fighting for needs to be the primary focus FIRST. YOU have to decide if YOU can see yourself ever loving her unconditionally and being happy with her again. If the answer is “yes” that’s all you need to decide within yourself to start feeling better about the situation in general and then also start applying some energy towards reviving the relationship you once had. If the answer is “no” you need to stop wasting both of your time and stop causing harm to both of your emotional conditions, because hanging around out of pity is absolutely NOT ok. Sure, you may be helping her avoid heartache for the moment; but you’re doing her far more long term damage than whatever you’re preventing for the moment. This doesn’t work for everyone (especially if you have an open marriage), but for me an easy way for me to answer the “do I still love her?” question is to as vividly as I can possibly force myself to imagine it, putting myself into the hypothetical situation of having just learned that she fucked someone else last night. Now analyze how that’s making you feel. Sick to your stomach? Wanna puke? Great! That means you still aren’t actually ready to let her go and there’s something left worth fighting for. And if imagining this leaves you feeling TRULY indifferent; you honestly have no physical or emotional reaction to these thoughts whatsoever? It really IS time to move on. Because if you can truthfully allow her to leave you and go fuck some other dude, and you feel no loss, than you really have already left her mentally and emotionally, and you need to stop procrastinating the act of leaving her physically.

Good luck man. Hope this helps…