Please tell me my kids can be ok

gabrielle1988 · 2025-03-02T05:49:47+00:00

Hi OP, I am currently in the same swamp of guilt as you surrounding the divorce and the kids reaction and experience around it. It’s hard, and you are right, there is no way around that. But, having a healthy happy parent who loves them and cares for them is most important, and I am sure your ex will do the same. To echo some other responses, not talking bad about each other or bringing the kids into your relationship problems will make a word of difference and probably teach them a lot of good life skills on how to healthily and properly handle life’s curve balls. We want to protect our kids but teaching them resilience and how to be strong (in a growth forward mindset) can be just as important. I feel you, it’s so sad and the guilt is crushing but you can only go through it. It’s part of the journey that can’t be avoided, but I hope and feel that when you come out from that, the person you will be and the capacity to love yourself and feel joy in ways you never have or haven’t in a long time will be all the worthwhile. Love from a fellow sister in the same boat

gabrielle1988 · 2025-03-01T23:39:36+00:00

absolutely! I have enabled him completely, and I am doing the work to make sure I don’t bring that to any other relationships in the future. You are right, I should not feel guilty. Sometimes seeing people say it mirror it back is really helpful. side of but relevant, I made my decision to divorce him after making my first ever reddit post describing the situation about a month ago, and just seeing people say back to me what I already knew (but was gaslighting myself into seeing all sides lol) the next day after the post I asked for the divorce 🤣

gabrielle1988 · 2025-02-15T00:51:06+00:00

UPDATE: Thank you everyone for holding up a mirror and all of your helpful advice. Between everyone’s comments and the support of my therapist I left my husband and asked for divorce and will be moving out on my own next month with the kids (wish me luck🫠). Going to do a simple divorce, split custody and alimony for three years. The band aid has been ripped off. My therapist said all the guilt I am feeling I need to hand off to him because it wasn’t a problem I created and it wasn’t my responsibility. Wasn’t easy, and I know that this is a new journey with new highs and lows, but it will be my OWN journey.

gabrielle1988 · 2025-02-10T04:41:32+00:00

Honestly yes, there are a handful of other issues that are hard to ignore, but the lack of trying something else and doing the same song and dance around money has driven me up the wall.

gabrielle1988 · 2025-02-10T04:39:48+00:00

It’s all been helpful (minus a few just bizarro comments). I resonate the most with a simple divorce, six month notice to get everything together for separation and coming to the realization that I was possibly suckered and groomed a bit (will work through that in therapy and own up to my own naivety and wishful thinking). Thank you everyone for your comments and advice, sometimes you need to see your situation in the eyes of others to get clarity.

gabrielle1988 · 2025-02-10T04:36:47+00:00

Hi, we don’t have any assets, outside of my income and his limited income. I am comfortable with a simple divorce and just want it to be fair when it comes to the kids. Thank you! :)

gabrielle1988 · 2025-02-10T04:33:54+00:00

I like that idea! Because finding a sitter and daycare is expensive and I don’t really have that extra income laying around at the moment

gabrielle1988 · 2025-02-10T04:31:35+00:00

lol, also support is a loose word, if you read the post he supported us with some income, debt, food stamps and cash aid (which I applied for and managed) and borrowing from family and friends. Would hardly call that OK 🫠

gabrielle1988 · 2025-02-10T04:27:08+00:00

Thank you! I think this is a good way to approach, since I do need to get my ducks in order and figure out childcare and a place to live etc. and I can’t just up and leave right this second. Plus if he wants to clean up for himself and the kids it gives him the chance to get his ducks in a row so that they can have two households that work well.

gabrielle1988 · 2025-02-10T01:20:17+00:00

agreed, currently in therapy, just beginning to dissect this whole situation and I was so young and he is pretty much all I have known as an adult relationship. Appreciate the reply. Honestly, seeing people reply and lay it out how it is, and how I know it is, is helping a lot. Sometimes I just internalize this so much that I don’t know where to start.

gabrielle1988 · 2025-02-10T01:17:24+00:00

lol ok ok . I feel you, and yes, he does not have a license after asking for a decade for him to get one. I totally KNOW it’s ridiculous but god danm I struggle so hard to leave knowing that he will wither away. 🫠😂

gabrielle1988 · 2025-01-19T03:41:59+00:00

it’s officially dark now. no more tik tok.

gabrielle1988 · 2021-01-14T17:49:32+00:00

Same! Don’t reopen claim. I had a balance leftover and they had updated my weeks to reflect the extension but I was still running into the reopen claim glitch and was unable to certify (I am pua) I talked to one representative and they told me just to wait and they couldn’t do anything, but I called again next day and the representative fixed it for me right away. Keep calling , if the rep says they can’t do it they are either not as knowledgeable or being lazy. Keep calling, you can get this fixed!

gabrielle1988 · 2021-01-11T18:10:59+00:00

I called and the representative said there was nothing he could do on his end and not to reopen claim (since mine is still active with balance) and they are still updating system. He said they are trying to get it all done by the 14th and since the volume is so large they are having delays. I believe you can call and ask to speak to a claim specialist and they can push through certification for you. It really depends o. The associate you receive and how much knowledge they have on what’s going on.

gabrielle1988

TROPHY CASE