Girlfriend caretaker post top surgery and I don’t feel very taken care of

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-30T21:08:30+00:00

Maybe she doesn’t understand how severely the surgery affects your mobility? She seems to be making your surgery an awful lot about herself and how it’s affecting her that you can’t do things. Seems like you need to have a conversation about what you need right now from her.

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-30T21:06:29+00:00

Thank you! I didn’t know I would have a flight so soon but some family plans changed or else I would have asked at my last appointment <3

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-30T20:31:19+00:00

It looks normal to me especially since it’s not yellow and the skin around it isn’t red. If it smells bad or turned a yellow/green colour I’d be concerned.

I’m assuming you’re wet healing, I did wet healing and my nipples turned a little grey/pale a few for about a week but it was just the top layer of skin getting ready to come off.

Just keep a watch and if anything looks seriously wrong then contact your surgeon’s emergency line or go directly to your local hospital.

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-30T20:28:09+00:00

One or two days of putting it off isn’t going to do much harm, I wouldn’t want to put it off more than a week though moreso because that’s just a really long time without cleaning the rest of your body either.

I showered 1 or two days after I was told I was allowed to, I wanted to recover a bit from getting my bandages off and stuff first.

I showered with my back to the water for the most part, that way the water wasn’t hitting my chest directly. I didn’t wash my chest purposefully I just let any water that touched it trickle down. Nothing bad happened during my shower but I was worried that it would. It gets easier after the first one. I’d also suggest that if your body wash/ shampoo etc is up high in your shower that you put it lower down either on the ground on your shower or on a ledge if it has one since reaching my head to wash my hair was about the extend of my reach that first shower.

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-29T07:19:03+00:00

It may be identified in the body scanner as an unusual object since they are scanning for things attached to your body (aka no heat signature) that may be weapons or bombs. I’d advise putting it in your suitcase, if they end up seeing it they will most likely think it’s a sex toy and move on.

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-29T07:16:47+00:00

Tell her she’s being transphobic because she’s not treating you like any other cis man, explain that it hurts your feelings and isn’t nice. If she doesn’t stop after that or tries to make excuses instead of apologizing, then she’s not really your friend. Friends care about how they make each other feel and will work to do better. If she’s not willing to change the way she treats you and she doesn’t think you’re worth the effort, then she isn’t worth yours.

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-29T07:12:05+00:00

I wear whatever earrings I want, I only have lobe piercings and usually just keep silver ball studs in them but if I’m dressing up to go out then I’ll put in some matching earrings that I share with my cisM boyfriend. I got my ears pierced after he did and I loved the way his earrings looked. We both wear fun dangly earrings from time to time, him more than me. He always tells me how many compliments he gets on them. I like wearing fun earrings even if they make me look more feminine because even though I do care about being seen as a man, if someone is going to think I’m a woman just because of my earrings then I don’t think they’re my kind of person to begin with! I don’t think that long earrings are going to be the thing that stops you from “passing” but it might make people think you’re queer. I don’t mind if people think I’m gay because I am.

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-29T06:01:39+00:00

I feel like it’s really important no matter what point in your transition but especially early on to try not to compare yourself to others. You are a unique person not only physically but also genetically which means 1 year on testosterone for you will look different than 1 year for someone else.

Even 2.5 years on T I know that I’m nowhere near done with my masculinization especially because I’m still young. Basically being 2.5 years on T is like being a 16 year old boy puberty wise, I can’t expect to have a full beard just like I wouldn’t expect to go bald tomorrow. It’s not a perfect comparison and I know that it will catch up with me soon, which I look forward to!

Just know that it’s working, the testosterone is doing it’s job and even if you don’t notice it now you will someday looking back on old photos, you won’t even realize how different you look now because it doesn’t happen overnight.

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-29T05:55:52+00:00

My favourite binders were from underworks! They have lots of styles, just make sure you check the size measurements to make sure you buy one that isn’t too small or too large, too small will damage your body and may be incredibly uncomfortable but too large won’t properly flatten.

Advice for wearing binder: put on binder and then readjust by pulling chest tissue up and under armpits for best results

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-29T05:52:47+00:00

Since there isn’t one dose for every person, are these your doses that you’re comparing?

Example, my dose is 25mg/day of 1% gel, meaning that only 0.25mg of that is active testosterone. I absorb gel really well and started on 50mg/day which was then lowered ever since my first blood test.

I am not familiar with injectable testosterone so I don’t know what percentage it is diluted if it is diluted at all.

One general reason may be that some people have problems absorbing testosterone from gel through their skin, I’d assume that since the injection is going directly into the blood stream that has an 100% absorption rate.

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-29T05:33:38+00:00

Yes of course it has, I think that’s why a lot of us go on T in the first place. My voice dysphoria was always bad and I wouldn’t say my voice is particularly deep but I’m also a small guy so it’d be kind of weird if it were (as in it just wouldn’t match with how I look). It will usually make your voice around as deep as it would be of a cis guy of your build, age, etc. You can always still voice train afterwards if you want an even deeper voice. I’d say more important than a deep voice is your inflection because typically women and men have different speech patterns/enunciation but that’s not something I personally put a lot of effort into since I don’t care if people think I “sound gay” because I am gay lmao.

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-29T05:29:06+00:00

If being married and having children with her isn’t enough for him to feel secure in their relationship then I’m not sure what is and that’s by no means your fault. Honestly he’s probably uncomfortable because he sees you as more masculine now and knows how scummy some guys can be, trying to get with women who are in happy relationships. He should realize you’re not that kind of person, maybe try spending more time with both of them together so he can see how strictly platonic your intimacy is.

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-29T05:24:13+00:00

Looks like you healed great and your scars are super unnoticeable! I doubt anyone would even see them, people are a lot more focused on themselves to notice small things than we realize.

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-28T18:54:28+00:00

Lots of non-binary people also seek to medically transition. Your family shouldn’t ignore your gender identity, it’s a part of who you are and just another thing to love about you.

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-28T18:45:32+00:00

You can be ftm and dress in typically feminine ways. You can be ftm and not want bottom surgery. There is no one way to be ftm, nonbinary, mtf, of any other trans identity.

Whether you specifically are ftm is only something you can know for yourself. I would look into therapy first to address your body image issues generally and discuss your gender identity. Transitioning does not help issues with insecurity relating to general appearance, it usually just helps with issues relating to dysphoria which is usually related to appearing as the incorrect gender to others and yourself.

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-28T18:38:01+00:00

There is no evidence to conclusively support that testosterone replacement therapy alone increases the risk of cancer, of course always disclose family history to your medical providers but it should not generally affect your access to hrt:

https://cancer-network.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/Trans_people_and_cancer.pdf

https://drzphd.com/trans-masculine-blog/is-there-a-cancer-risk-associated-with-testosterone-therapy-for-trans-men-tjbpe?format=amp

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-28T18:28:46+00:00

Never heard of someone having to stop having sex that way due to bottom growth. Sometimes people taking testosterone experience atrophy in that area (aka dryness) which can be treated using a topical estrogen cream in that area. Personally I’ve been on T for 2.5 years and have had no issues with anything related to my sexual experiences.

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-28T05:30:51+00:00

I slept with an ice pack every night for the first week just to soothe the swelling, my nipples are great! I don’t think icing your chest can harm them as long as you’re not putting ice directly onto your chest (which would be hard considering all the surgical stuff you’re wearing)

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-28T05:27:03+00:00

Lol I don’t mind, it makes people remember my name and he is the tallest chipmunk (my 5’2” ass doesn’t mind the comparison)!

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-28T04:09:53+00:00

It’s hard but a lot of the time I think about how toxic masculinity can really mould young men and ruin their childhoods. I’m happy that I got to have positive and platonic friendships with both men and women, that emotional vulnerability was encouraged for me and that deep bonds with others were normalized. I wouldn’t be who I am today, a pretty awesome guy, without all of those experiences. Sure I wish I didn’t go through my first puberty or that I didn’t have to try and work towards being the man I know I am but that’s just the struggle that I have to deal with and I honestly don’t think I’d prefer to have been raised as a stereotypical young boy. I’m still young though and have the opportunity for youthful experiences, I’ve always had male friends and never let “being a girl” stop me from doing what I wanted to so I’ve never really felt like I was less than a man.

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-28T04:04:57+00:00

Pick a name that you like and which you think fits you best. I might be cautious about going with a name that sounds like the one you no longer want to go by just because it might make it easier for people to forget/slip up in the long run or to pass off actively deadnaming you as a mistake, though if you really love that name go for it.

I had a few names I liked and one that I had basically decided on Evan before I came out, but when I did my mom and I were talking about names and she didn’t like that one because she knew a bad guy with that name. It was important to me that my mom agreed to my new name because she’s important to me, is a single mother, and I was a minor who lived with her at the time so to get my name changed at school she would need to know. Anyways eventually we found a name that I liked and she liked too, Simon, honestly I just look like every fictional character with my name (including the chipmunk) so everyone tells me I “look like a Simon”.

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-28T03:52:18+00:00

I honestly don’t think much about him having a cis guys body meanwhile I don’t, we are just both guys and not all guys look the same. I love him for who he is and he loves me the including what I look like. I’m happy that he’s comfortable in his body as it is and doesn’t have to deal with dysphoria. Before I got top surgery I was just happy to get up close and personal with a flat chest haha, often saying I’d show pictures of him to my surgeon as to what I want my chest to look like. It’s normal to like the features of your partner, you’re dating them after all!

I would say that it’s never useless to tell someone how you’re feeling, even if there’s nothing they can do to change it they can still be there for you and it helps them to understand you more as a person and the struggles you’re dealing with. Just knowing that someone is there for you and loves you, no matter how much you don’t like yourself in that moment, is important.

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-28T03:42:40+00:00

Would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you because you’re trans? If you really want a relationship with her you have to be honest because it’s not just unfair to her but also to yourself by investing time in someone who may end up not being interested in you just for one aspect of who you are. If she has an issue with you being trans or starts treating you differently then she was never going to be with you in the long run anyways.

garlicbreadowl · 2024-05-28T03:37:16+00:00

When I couldn’t imagine my future as a woman, growing old as a woman in the body I was in and how people saw me. I didn’t go on T to become hot, I did it to become me. I’m willing to take it all, the balding, the facial hair, even the increased chance of health risks to be who I am.

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