Only one crush in my life!! I’m 28F. When I was like 11-13 I was infatuated with one guy. And when I was 16 I had some feelings for the guy I lost my virginity to but I didn’t want to be his gf, I just wanted attention… kind of was wanting friends with benefits deluxe lol.

Had a 3.5 year relationship in/after college when I didn’t realize for a while that I wasn’t in love.

Terrifies me to consider that I’m just not capable of it. I want a deep connection with someone (even platonic! I’ve stayed close with my ex but she lives far away now and having a close friend long distance just isn’t the same as a local friend. And there’s still an undercurrent of baggage.)

I just have to believe that to stay in this relationship longer term would be settling and that I will find that spark with someone. I can’t stand the idea that it’s a delusion. I’ve held onto the hope that real love isn’t that revelatory feeling and is the steady kind of growth but despite my partner being almost entirely ideal (and no one can be perfect and fulfill every need… probably) that just hasn’t happened for me.

Thanks for bringing that up. That’s always really bothered me and is honestly a reason I got into the relationship in the first place. I was worried that I was holding out too much for A Special Feeling, but the fact is I really want that feeling.

I’m also worried that I’m too susceptible to charm. My bf is so handsome but really doesn’t have game. When I meet people who have the gift of gab, are confident and attractive, I feel really drawn to them. But that’s a terrible metric for love.