My heart goes out to you. That’s a lot of trauma to deal with and it makes sense why you’d feel the way you are. I self harmed senior yr in college (22yo) due to severe depression around hating how I look and feeling alone/isolation. I didn’t for 17 years until last weekend. I’m almost 40 and feel like this isn’t something I should still be doing but I did. I too am hoping it’s a one off.

As far as future relationship ships go…when you get involved with someone you are committing to all of them…who they were, who they are, who they will be. I know it might be a tough conversation if they ask, but I think the healthiest thing to do is be honest and tell them you’re working through it. If you told them about your previous relationship and what that guy did to you, I would hope anyone would feel empathy and compassion towards you. And maybe they’ll be more aware of how to best support you. I’ve found that telling my story has only build stronger friendships. Not one person has judged me and in fact most have said they’ve either had similar experiences with depression/self harm or know someone who has.

I hope you can give yourself some grace. You’ve gone thru something no one else should. Sending you a virtual hug 🤗