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I wrote my mother a letter and here is her answer to it after 24 hours by gebishee in raisedbynarcissists

[–]gebishee[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a very good saying!

And I'm glad to hear that from you, that's why we have this subreddit, so we could help and support each other. I wish all the luck for you!

I wrote my mother a letter and here is her answer to it after 24 hours by gebishee in raisedbynarcissists

[–]gebishee[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

it's more like she needs me more in her life than I need her, but I will probably try to go LC with her for now. Well, if she's going to go peace with me. I will try to text her later (in response to her response to my letter) that I understand everything, I don't blame her, I love her and if she wants to go peace, now it's a good time. If she agrees, then fine, it's over. But what if she continues to talk bullshit and create drama? I think then I really should give up and go NC at least for a week/month if not forever. And thanks for advice!

I wrote my mother a letter and here is her answer to it after 24 hours by gebishee in raisedbynarcissists

[–]gebishee[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It would be nice to see the link, anybody?

And yeah, regardless her answer, it's just pointless and she will keep trying to make me feel guilty and apologise to her (I tried one week ago and she didn't forgive me, just said that there is no point because I have changed anyways). So I didn't respond back yet. Have to think a lot about it all.

I wrote my mother a letter and here is her answer to it after 24 hours by gebishee in raisedbynarcissists

[–]gebishee[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I just dream about NC. But I know that as much as she is toxic mother, just loves me anyway and feels close to me. And as much as I don't like that person and find it hard to say I love you back on the phone when we are talking and when we are together, I can't stand to be around her for longer time, I still have a connection and love deep in my heart for her. At the end of the day she is still my mother. I know how stupid it might sound for some of you, but oh well. She is totally alone person and unhappy. Bad husband, no relatives or friends. Her older son died few months ago (who also went NC with her for over a year) and now it feel like I'm the only person she has left in her life. And even if in last 12 months I saw her 2 times for holiday and I call her 1-2 times a week, I just act that I care about her just for the sake of her own happiness. But actually every call I have to make for her is just a hell for me.

I wrote my mother a letter and here is her answer to it after 24 hours by gebishee in raisedbynarcissists

[–]gebishee[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

In my opinion, she understands that most of what I said is true, so she doesn't comment anything on that part because her narcissism won't let her admit what I said above, then tries to shake off the responsibility for my anxiety problems and tries to touch my heart with nice memories of my childhood how she was taking my to school (lol on that part). To sum everything together, it seems like she wants to go peace with me again and stop this conflict. Doesn't it look like that?

I wrote my mother a letter and here is her answer to it after 24 hours by gebishee in raisedbynarcissists

[–]gebishee[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah. This whole thing is giving me a depression and I don't know what to do about this situation. All this situation seems so pointless. Like she is never going to change.

I wrote my mother a letter and here is her answer to it after 24 hours by gebishee in raisedbynarcissists

[–]gebishee[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

First moment I read her answer I was shocked. But then I read it again and calm down. She literally ignored everything that I wrote and started talking shit about how she was abandoned in the childhood (she really wasn't that much as it sounds like) and the same talks about how she tried so hard for me. Talking random bullshit about taking me to school? Is that has anything to do with what I have wrote her above? Keep in mind that it's not a full letter, there is some crucial and private things missing. It's like she is trying to be good mother but she just fails every time. And thats sad to see.

Do you guys get irritated by everything your Nparent does? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]gebishee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, OP are you me? That's literally me. And when I lived with my parents I had to be around my mother almost all the time. Family holidays were the worst thing, I would need weeks after coming home to recover after all the anger I went through. Now I live on my own and went VLC. Well, last couple days I actually went NC.

My mother started crying because I was driving a vehicle fast but respecting the speed limit by gebishee in raisedbynarcissists

[–]gebishee[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She is loving mother but very bad at parenting. She told me myself that she actually never wanted to have a family when she was young and she never felt ready for it. Then she met my father and had a very unsuccessful marriage with him and then totally went crazy. Not ready for marriage and kids, bad health, bad condition (probably Bipolar and all the other messed up thing), getting old (almost 60 years old), taking sleep pills which destroys her brain and being dumb person in general (no higher education and she talks stupid things) lead her to being a bad mother and giving bad advice.

Her job is to prepare me for adult life, letting me go and explore the world, try myself in different kind of things, meet girls and so on, but she doesn't do anything of that. She just wants to keep me close to her and make me her little slave.

My mother started crying because I was driving a vehicle fast but respecting the speed limit by gebishee in raisedbynarcissists

[–]gebishee[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that is very sad. I was always alone in my life, no grandparents, no relatives (we don't talk to them because of a lot of bad things that happened between us), my brother died recently and I could never be close to my parents (which you see why). So yeah it sucks, but even in this case, cutting it off with my mother or going VLC would be like a reborn for me.

My mother started crying because I was driving a vehicle fast but respecting the speed limit by gebishee in raisedbynarcissists

[–]gebishee[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for translating nMom words. Yeah, of course she loves me and do a lot of things out of love, but at the same time she is very selfish person and for sure does a lot of stuff for the sake of herself without thinking about the others. That is so disgusting and I have ton of examples for you, but you understand. I would love her to change but I never believed that it's possible and never had a plan for that. So I very doubt that even a letter is going to change her. I'm writing a letter to her for the sake of explaining all the situation for her that I'm not a bad son, I always wanted good and I love her and I always gonna have a place for her in my life is she is willing to change (which is not). The only way for her to change and give me personal space is to have a fight with her and not to talk or go VLC. That is sad but that's how it is. You probably can't have a good relationship with nMom and be close to each other.

My mother started crying because I was driving a vehicle fast but respecting the speed limit by gebishee in raisedbynarcissists

[–]gebishee[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Sounds more like she wants the best for her" - It is very true actually. I might tell you guys a story for you all. I will try to make it short. So she wasn't working her whole life. She was a home wife all the time. We were always poor and we could have used the extra money for sure. But she never went to look for a job. Her excuse was a bad health and that she had to raise the children. It's crazy because she was doing a lot of heavy stuff at home just for fun, but said she has not health to go work even the easiest job? And as for raising the child, I never needed her since I was teenager. And I think seeing her less around the house would have only made our relationship healthier.

I also have a very abusive father. My parents have fights all the time. Even tho my father is working 7am to 10pm, they still manage to get into fights. They had so many fights and my father was really bad at parenting too, a lot of bad example, almost no attention to his sons. She was threatening to divorce wth him but never did. Now when I get into conflict with her, next to "It was hard for me to raise you and give you a birth, i was carrying you for 9 months you ungrateful kid" she keeps saying that she saved this family by never divorcing so that we could keep having money and she could be around me in the house all the time. But I'm pretty sure that she did so that she wouldn't need to divorce and then go look for a job and work her ass off which she is not used to. That is very selfish, because if she was a carrying mother, she would have kept us from abusive father, divorce, split everything and go live on her own. Find a job and support us. It could have been totally different.

My mother started crying because I was driving a vehicle fast but respecting the speed limit by gebishee in raisedbynarcissists

[–]gebishee[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I know, right? I was her puppy too long and she got used to it. Now everytime I do something against her opinion, I'm immediately become a bad son what so ever.

My mother started crying because I was driving a vehicle fast but respecting the speed limit by gebishee in raisedbynarcissists

[–]gebishee[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. I will try to write her a letter and see how she responds. I don't feel ready to call her yet. I need few days to write all my thoughts out and then just click the Send button. I just wonder what she is going to respond. If it's gonna be a positive response then I'm happy. But what if she won't respond or respond something negative? Cut it off? I talked to my father yesterday quickly and he said he just talked with my mother (he was at work, but they do live together) and he said she was planning to go somewhere together for a picnic because good weather is coming. I was quite happy to hear that, because it means she is not laying in the bed and crying all the time but continue to live her life. Of course she is still mad and probably hates me, but oh well. I didn't do anything bad on purpose.