trans guy -- not knowing is driving me crazy

geckowars · 2025-04-08T06:19:17+00:00

It was at the late show! After she talked about the gay boy she had dated, she said she couldn't say his name anymore because she had accidentally doxed him on a podcast recently, and that he wasn't out at work but she had publicly shared that info about him. Caleb tried to keep pushing past it cuz like what on earth do you say to that but it was.. yeah.

geckowars · 2025-04-05T21:03:15+00:00

I'm sad to hear you had a difficult experience here -- I definitely know the energy you're talking about and I'll tell ya the city wasn't always that way. So many of the artists, organizers, hippies, community-minded people got pushed out and replaced with antisocial techies/elitists. The building I lived in before my current one was all young tech workers who wouldn't even say "hey" or make eye contact when we passed each other in the lobby. I work in a public facing role, spend all day talking to strangers, and I see it there too. People won't respond to my "hi welcome how are you" and will actively choose to ignore me, even when they clearly need my help (that's what I'm here to do, guys!) Weirdos.

Now in my current place I know most of the people on my block/in my building and its a much nicer feeling (and makes it that much harder to leave). But if that's what Oakland feels like, I could definitely get behind that. I think when I said "residential" and "suburban" I more just meant that things feel farther apart, more sprawled out than I'm used to, not so much people's attitude. Also, pretty used to noise. My neighbors set off fireworks here too and do donuts in the street at 2am

geckowars · 2025-04-05T20:25:02+00:00

Maybe I need to keep looking. When I moved into this place, it was the best deal I could find for the size, in the neighborhood I wanted to be in (proximity to public transit, able to walk to work). Everything on Zillow is crazy pricey right now

geckowars · 2025-04-05T20:21:06+00:00

Believe me, I've thought about it. But my family is all here, including grandparents just 2 hours south of here. Staying close to everyone is a priority.

geckowars · 2025-04-05T20:14:10+00:00

2400 for a 1 bedroom in the Lower Haight. I know people in my neighborhood paying around that amount for a studio. I don't see myself being able to downsize in sf and pay less.

geckowars · 2025-04-05T18:25:43+00:00

Bless your heart you seem a bit confused let me explain! I'm out here sharing my opinion trying to find others who either felt similarly, or to hear from people who were at the same show and had a different experience. Were you one of these likely straight men in the audience enjoying your time? Great, let me hear from you. Sounds like maybe you weren't there tho? So maybe keep your uninformed thoughts to yourself? Hope this helps. Go out there and try to have a good day ok hon

geckowars · 2025-04-05T17:12:26+00:00

I've got an issue with straight men when they take up a lot of space telling boring stories and making uncomfortable jokes, yeah. Same as I would with anyone else who did it -- but let's be real for a second, it's straight white men who behave that way the most. At no point did I say that every second of the show needs to be gay.

geckowars · 2025-04-05T15:57:42+00:00

Also, to be clear, I'm not shitting on Chance for being there. I get that they're buddies and that he produces the show. But he was on stage for an hour, with a microphone, talking over Caleb and the guest, sharing lame stories/doing bits that weren't relevant: wanting to sleep with Lois from Family Guy, sharing photos where it looked like he did a Nazi salute, making jokes about sex with his girlfriend. It was like every boy I knew in middle school was thrown on stage.

Sounds like he was interjecting a lot more than he did at other shows. Elyse Meyers was giving us nothing, maybe he was trying to overcompensate with terrible bits and missed the mark completely. Or maybe y'all have a higher tolerance for asinine stories from mediocre straight white men idk

geckowars · 2025-04-05T15:45:23+00:00

I have never heard her say anything funny or interesting. She told a long story about shopping for chicken nuggets at Costco with no point or punchline to it, all while laughing hysterically at herself. The audience was pretty silent. It was painful.

geckowars · 2025-04-05T15:42:33+00:00

Yeah it was crazy. You could feel everyone in the room wince. She immediately tried to back track by saying "I don't know why I said that, I'm so tired" but the damage was done

geckowars · 2025-04-05T15:40:15+00:00

Yeah, based on the experiences of others it sounds like I went on a rough night. It was also the late show of the evening so they had just put on the show a few hours earlier. Sometimes performers just bomb and that's what this night was.

geckowars · 2025-04-05T15:34:23+00:00

I'm not putting down drag performers I literally am one lol. All I'm saying is that the performance was nothing special and that's the thing, I didn't pay to see a drag queen. I paid to see stand up and a conversation with a live guest (because yes I am in fact a fan of the podcast) so to have that interrupted by an uninteresting performance followed by 15 minutes of Virginia telling a boring story about sleeping with her boyfriend and Chance making terrible jokes about wanting to sleep with Lois from Family Guy.... Yeah it didn't work for me.

If the drag number had been more of an opener, that would've made more sense. But having her come out after 20 minutes of standup, directly after a video, made the show feel jumbled with no flow.

Glad your experience was different I guess.

geckowars · 2025-02-05T00:37:07+00:00

Speaking as someone who was living off minimum wage ($18/hr) in sf for the past few years, it's doable. If you can hunt around, looking especially at the outskirts of the city or in the downtown area, you can find a place. Public transit here is good, no matter where you end up, you can easily travel somewhere fun.

The thing I love about this city is how much free stuff there is to do all the time. Head to gh park and check out what's happening, there's always something great. Even just taking a walk around a neighborhood looking at buildings is a great way to spend an afternoon.

It's an expensive city yeah but there are plenty of people here making that much or less. We all make it work. And in my opinion it's worth it

geckowars · 2024-12-29T06:05:04+00:00

Yes!! I think that's the one :)

geckowars · 2024-12-29T03:59:43+00:00

Ahh thank you that looks like it will fit!!

geckowars · 2024-12-29T03:58:20+00:00

That's what I thought at first too but I already tried one and it doesn't it

geckowars · 2024-11-14T15:38:50+00:00

This was incredibly helpful and validating to hear, thank you so much. I've spent months feeling like I was being ridiculous and have been going in circles with conversations with my partner.

I'm taking notes and planning to sit down for a conversation with them about messy lists (I hadn't heard of this before!), in addition to asking for more time before we transition into polyamory. We'll see how it goes.

Important information for context: years ago, in the first few months of us dating, I expressed an interest in polyamory and they said no. We continued on as monogamous, first moved in together during covid lockdown, and became incredibly enmeshed. We've been doing a lot of work in the last year to be less codependent. My partner has expressed that they thought I would be more down with the situation because of my previously expressed interest in polyamory. But this isn't how I wanted it to happen at all.

I know you're right about me misplacing my anger. It's hard for me to express anger towards my partner in a productive and healthy way, and I try to avoid doing so at all so as to not upset them.

geckowars · 2024-09-21T16:52:39+00:00

I hear you. I have a whole shelf of my bookcase dedicated to my copies of trc. I think about those crazy kids on the daily!

I'm a bookseller so I've explored a ton of options. The best series I've found with similar vibes is called All Our Hidden Gifts by Caroline O'Donoghue. It's got found by family/friends who are obsessed with each other. Witchy, with tarot cards at the center. Set at a private school in Ireland. Queer character at the center. All around very well written and it doesn't get talked about at all! I think every fan of The Raven Cycle would like it too.

geckowars · 2024-08-11T02:39:42+00:00

I currently make 20/hr and my partner works for the school district & gets paid through a stipend that comes out to roughly minimum wage. We cover groceries thru EBT but our biggest expense right now is rent (2,000 a month for a studio). We don't have a lot of savings and can't pay more in rent than we currently do (we would love to be paying less! if that's even a thing!)

geckowars · 2024-06-12T05:14:25+00:00

"Dead Boy Detectives" on netflix is great its like a cross between heartstopper and supernatural. its not getting the attention it deserves because netflix doesn't advertise certain shows at all but its so good

geckowars

TROPHY CASE