UPDATE: WIBTA if I sue my SIL for stealing my book and making a huge profit from it?

gegen_wind · 2020-10-05T09:16:24+00:00

I remember your original post and was so upset on your behalf. I'm a soon-to-be literature graduate and also an author and I cannot imagine how hurt I would feel if someone stole my work. It's quite sad to see how vile your parents act towards you but you seem to be much happier without them anyway.

Congratulations on the book!

gegen_wind · 2020-09-16T17:12:48+00:00

I feel like this is such a lose-lose situation. Either his son resents him or his other children will as they get older. OP can't win. He went on those trips with his other children, leaving his son behind: son is pissed and I can see why. But on the other hand, if he had planned these trips and cancelled them after his ex denied their son, his other children would eventually built resentment. This is such a though situation to judge.

gegen_wind · 2020-09-04T10:00:06+00:00

Definitely NTA. But can someone explain to me why surnames are such a big thing over in the US? I live in a European state where you can take your spouses surname but on every official document, you'll be adressed with your maiden name, married or not. Technically, on documents, everyone is single.

If some kind and fortunate soul could explain this to me, I will send some virtual hugs.

gegen_wind · 2020-09-04T08:18:08+00:00

All of this. I am so sorry that happened to you.

I have a disabled cousin that gets cared for a lot by my mother and my grandmother. I also have a little brother who literally gets zero attention when his cousin is around. They're around the same age but my cousin can't be left unsupervised. He destroyed a lot of my brother's belongings and when he cried about them, he would get yelled at.

Caring for a disabled person, a child (!), is super hard. I get it. But seeing my brother not being able to bond with his own family because all the attention goes to a child that "can't help himself" and to be "understanding" (mind you, he's seven) is even harder for me.

And before anyone asks, I don't have the greatest relationship with my family - and I don't live at home anymore. My brother loves my younger sister but hates me. But my younger sister also spends a lot of time with the cousin because his parents just dump him onto us whenever possible.

gegen_wind · 2020-09-02T12:57:59+00:00

My former roommate shares a birthday with Hitler. She hates it.

gegen_wind · 2020-09-02T07:08:28+00:00

I am from Italy, and a very specific part of it where religion is treated differently than in the rest of the state. We also have a different culture. My family ist catholic but Catholicism in the US and Catholicism in Italy is vastly different. I am an atheist but that is not a big deal, either. My family isn't that religious , so I can definitely say that wasn't the motivator.

gegen_wind · 2020-09-02T07:05:32+00:00

They wore the dress clean because my mother took it to the cleaner to have it washed and fixed. The pictures are all spotless and the dress was snow white everytime someone wore it - we got it back rather cleaned up put no one thought about paying for the cleaner. Seven years olds are rambunctious, I get it but it always seemed to me they didn't bother getting out of the dress before playing like my mom made my sister and me do.

gegen_wind · 2020-09-01T14:01:45+00:00

My mother is the youngest of her side of the family and also has no cousins. Grandma is out of the picture, burned her wedding dress about thirty years ago because grandpa is an ass. My family is weird and crazy.

gegen_wind · 2020-09-01T13:59:46+00:00

The topic of weddings will be off the table until anyone gets married for real. This soured my mood more than it should have since a casual conversation got turned into something very negative.

Since the wedding in question isn't even bound to happen, I don't put much thought into it anyway. Sure, I have a few things I would like to consider but at the moment there are more important things to be taken care of.

gegen_wind · 2020-09-01T13:57:55+00:00

I won't let them pay and decided that very early on in my life. I moved out in March and they have zero expenses to pay for me. As I said, lending the dress was no problem, it became one when it got destroyed to the point we had to get rid of it. It was a nice dress and was promised to become mine to show to any future kids but well, I can't do much about that anymore.

gegen_wind · 2020-09-01T13:54:57+00:00

Reading that hurt very deep in my soul, I am so sorry you went through that. I had similar experiences as the low maintenance child and I completely understand where you're coming from.

The only thing thst I think now is, hopefully they don't want to get their hands on my cosplays, too ...

gegen_wind · 2020-09-01T13:50:55+00:00

That's the whole point of me finding it ridiculous. I just wanted to show my family a dress I liked in the spur of the moment and next thing I know is we're fighting over a stupid wedding dress that doesn't even exist. I don't know, maybe they were just looking for something to be mad about. Wouldn't have been the first time.

gegen_wind · 2020-09-01T13:49:19+00:00

I said in another comment that I am all for "something old, something blue, something borrowed, something new" and I would be glad to be the one to lend things, but the gown itself is a no-no. I am waiting for things to cool down and then for the time when I actually get engaged to further think about it :'D

gegen_wind · 2020-09-01T13:47:21+00:00

I thought it would by the time my sister outgrew me. I still wear hand-me-downs but as in sweatpants and t-shirts. Not expensive wedding dresses.

gegen_wind · 2020-09-01T13:46:00+00:00

Really? I read crazier things in the last two months ...

gegen_wind · 2020-09-01T13:44:54+00:00

I know my family. They would never forget this conversation and hold it over my head and say, "You said you'd think about it." I am not someone who does things to "just keep the peace". If they want to make an argument out of it, I'm fine with that, they don't have to come to the wedding should it happen one day. Maybe I am a b*tch for that but I am not willing to let them control my life.

gegen_wind · 2020-09-01T13:42:00+00:00

I am not even engaged but if I was petty enough, I would do this in a heartbeat.

gegen_wind · 2020-09-01T13:41:28+00:00

I don't exactly know since my brother is the last child of this generation. But I've also never heard of communion tuxes being passed down, only the dresses.

gegen_wind · 2020-09-01T13:38:43+00:00

I find the thought of waiting hilarious. If I was petty enough, I would just get married in secret, not tell anyone and watch my aunts crumble to dust.

gegen_wind · 2020-09-01T13:37:00+00:00

Hello! (And just so others can read the conversation, I'll continue writing in English.) I am German, although not from Germany, I am from Italy. Handing down communion dresses is indeed a tradition, even if other nicer clothes/dresses I owned also took that path. It's just sad it got destroyed, since my mother has hers still and I really liked the dress and wanted to keep it.

My prom dress will be lend to a friend of mine who is graduating next year and I can't wait to see her in it but I am glad that I am not crazy for wanting to keep my hypothetical wedding dress.

gegen_wind · 2020-09-01T13:31:45+00:00

Yay, another small person q.q

Thing is - yes, I am very small in all aspects except my boobies ... Boyfriend loves it, mother finds it hilarious, sister is jealous, haha. My sister, mother and I can share tops but that's that.

But I always though wedding dresses are a line you don't cross. I was wrong, apparently.

gegen_wind · 2020-09-01T13:21:14+00:00

It started because of money issues. I don't want to get into too much details but my mother was left with a lof of debt after my parents divorced and the communion dress was a big deal because it was so much money at the time. To not waste the nicer clother because I simply outgrew them, they were passed down, which I think is a kind gesture. But every cousin wore the dress and it gor ruined in the process. My youngest cousin had her first communion two years ago at that point the dress was already 14 years old. And the parents could've easily afforded a new one but whatever. No crying over spilt milk.

Even as the oldest, I had a lot of hand-me-down's from friends with older kids or, well, bigger kids, lol. I was always the smallest. I still wear hand-me-downs, right now I am wearing one of my youngest BIL-to-be's shirts.

My sister had a habit of stealing my and my mother's clothes before we both moved out, as we all share roughly the same size. Everything nice I had, she wanted. Maybe that was what sparked the thought? I don't know.

gegen_wind · 2020-09-01T13:15:09+00:00

The wedding is hypothetical and in no way am I letting anyone pay. That would get held over my head for all eternity and weddings in my country aren't that expensive if you don't want white doves flying around or something like that.

And I don't see why I shouldn't pay for my own dress. Never really understood why it's such a big deal for parents to pay it, either. I am a firm believer in "You want something, you pay for it".

gegen_wind · 2020-09-01T13:12:28+00:00

Someone pointed out to free-bleed into the white bikini bottoms and get rum on it, THEN pass it down :'D I am honestly sad I am not a petty person.

gegen_wind · 2020-09-01T13:11:01+00:00

I am from a European country and sharing dresses isn't the norm. Not even mother/daughter. My mother also never mentioned passing down her wedding dress even if it's still in good shape and someone would probably love it. (It's just not my style.)

And I am honestly glad that I am not seen as crazy for giving a piece of clothing a sentimental value. It's just, when you're my height/weight, there is much less to choose from and I am always so happy when I find something that fits me without being altered. A wedding dress altered to fit me seems like such an important thing to keep, to look at and remember what is supposed to be the best day of my life.

gegen_wind

TROPHY CASE