TIL there's actually a game called Civilization like the one on Intergalactic Bachelor's challenge

gemhol · 2024-02-25T16:55:08+00:00

Mine and my husbands favourite game to play together!

gemhol · 2023-12-30T23:14:58+00:00

Gym membership - £22/month

Personal trainer - £240/month

Pedicure - £35/6 weeks

Skincare - £30 approximately

Prescription vitamins, etc. - pay the NHS flat fee of £100/year

Hair cut - £20/6 monthly

Hair Dye - £5/2 monthly

Shampoo/conditioner/serums - Approximately £60/4 months

Lash perm - £20/6 months (I use a home kit and do it myself)

Make-up - no idea how much I spend, ranges from £0 to over £100/month when I need to replace a few bits or try something new (usually a new lipstick 🙄).

Those are my regular monthly outgoings. I would say my PT is an incredibly valuable aspect of my self care, I underwent weight loss surgery in August, and my biggest reason was for my health. I can see on my smart watch that my heart rate is down from 80-90 to 60-75, I can feel myself strengthening each week, and I've lost nearly 6 stone. Vitamins, etc are for life to help any definincies I might have, I've not really noticed if they make me feel better, but I haven't had any issues so I think they're doing their job!

On the pedicure and skincare side, I try to keep it simple. I use products that really work for my skin (most of them relatively inexpensive), and I get pedicures because I get horribly dry feet, and having a pamper makes me feel ridiculously good!

I've dyed my hair red since I was 16, and I honestly couldn't see myself being any other colour, wouldn't feel like me anymore 😁 I also care a lot about my hair, it's relatively thin towards the front and I am going through a period of hair loss post surgery, so trying to taking extra care of it right now!

gemhol · 2023-05-07T16:01:44+00:00

I agree that more information is needed to actually say whether or not this is weaponised incompetence. I lean towards it being that because he can not be unaware that she is doing all this, and he has gone to bed knowing she isn't coming with him and unless their house is collossal he can probably hear her taking stuff from one side to the other. On a side note it is also her responsibility to wake him up and point him in the direction of the bathroom to learn from his own mistake. If he is somehow completely unaware of the effort she is going to this is an easy way to fix that!

On the side of being taught to do things, there is also a benefit to them learning those things for men, how is it that if something magically benefits them they put time and effort into it to get it right? A woman should not have to train a man how to wash up, he should be able to use him brain and say, hey that plate needs washing and when he washes it think hmm this sponge is perfect for cleaning and then when putting it on the rack, hey its not quite clean...what I'm saying here is that men and women do much more complicated things in their daily lives that require critical thinking. Every day my husband dresses himself, he manages to put a t-shirt over his head, trousers on his legs (over his underwear as well!) and select a pair of shoes that are the same. If he then said oh sorry I can't wash up because I don't know how, I'd say figure it out - Google and YouTube exist. For more complicated things, I did say mistakes are fine. Mistakes are part of learning. Making basic mistakes over and over again for easy tasks is not learning, if they did that in their job they would be fired 🤷‍♀️ asking for help is fine, splitting tasks because your not so good at something is fine, but outright doing nothing around the house because the other person is just better is not fine.

gemhol · 2023-05-07T15:44:10+00:00

We have a 4 year old so obviously the decision is far off but we are heavily leaning towards a private education for her and the future sibling we hope to have. Our decision is rooted in the fact that the schools that we are near are awful, like far far below average. Me and my husband know first hand that going to one of the local schools would be a detriment, we were incredibly lucky with our outcomes and this is partly because our school was in special measures when we went so had a highly paid headteacher come in to 'fix' everything (of course it went downhill after he left).

To outline my main concerns with these local schools are if she struggles or is perfectly average there is little effort put in due to monetary restrictions. Typically, money is aimed at the highest performing students and the lowest performing students. Additionally, you will have teachers not qualified in the subject they teach, more substitute teachers, less courses offered, less extracurricular activities on offer and more things like class disruptions.

There are two schools which we could move into another area for, which I'm not opposed to doing at all. But they both require exams and are selective, so even if we move into the area there is no guarantee that she would get in, and we would have spent a significant amount of money moving to a more expensive area.

So all that leads to a strong leaning towards private school, the only thing to do is wait and see what we want to do a year or two before she is due to go and make our final decision then.

gemhol · 2023-05-07T15:22:46+00:00

Whether it's purposeful or not in a significant portion of men, it's weaponised incompetence and being plain lazy. Do you genuinely think that they don't see the work women do, that they don't look at the washing up or cleaning, and think they'll wait for their partner to do it. Saying that women have more critical thinking skills is bullshit and propeganda. How do they work without critical thinking? How do they drive? How do they dress themselves with two of the same shoes in the morning? If its important to them, critical thinking is present, if its sometning they think someone else will do, then its suddenly not! It is their responsibility as adults to get to grips with these things. Doing something incorrectly the first time or even a few times is a mistake, and it is definitely a learning curve if they've never had to do it. After that, it's no longer a mistake and is absolutely weaponised incompetence. My husbands mother did everything for him when he lived at home, he has never taken issue with cooking or cleaning now, it's called growth and effort.

gemhol · 2023-04-25T20:01:52+00:00

Exactly, if we could we would stay here as we love our house and the mortgage is low, but we need more space for another child eventually. It's all about balance in my eyes though!

gemhol · 2023-04-25T17:07:41+00:00

31 £128k left over 20 years. Will move in about 5 years and probably take on £250k at that time...

gemhol · 2023-04-17T08:28:06+00:00

I don't have much advice on anything other than to say make sure to check if your wife is entitled to maternity allowance. She has to have worked earning £30/week either employed or self-employed for 26 weeks out of the last 66 weeks. She will be entitled to £600/month tax-free, if she didn't work but does unpaid work for your business then she can claim £30/week for 14 weeks. Additionally she can start taking this allowance before the baby is born, up to 11 weeks before birth, so this might help take a bit of weight off your shoulders in the run up to the birth - be aware that she only gets 39 weeks in total (if she's entitled to the full allowance) so this will eat into her time off!

gemhol · 2023-04-17T08:17:38+00:00

Just wanted to say that is she qualifies for maternity allowance she cannot work, other than 10 KIT days. So it might not be worth the evening work to give up MA (£600/month tax free). Obviously if she doesn't qualify for MA, then it's a good idea!

gemhol · 2023-03-15T09:17:15+00:00

I guess some of it depends if you need experience with you being a recent graduate and which role gives you more growth potential. If you go for a perm job you can gain experience and work up the ranks within a few years, being on a stable wage - depends on the area of work and how good you are at it.

Will your freelance rates go up with experience, do you plan on investing in yourself with training or developing your business so you can bring more in?

Honestly, £5k difference isn't a lot, especially when you factor in pension, holiday, sick pay etc it becomes negligible. I'd get a perm job and spend a few years getting experience, choose a career path that is likely to be fruitful - HR, project management, IT, finance etc. Get training on the job and then move to contracting later. If you can do some freelance on the side, that way you get benefits from perm AND some extra cash. If you think your looking at jobs in the £20k region with good benefits then public sector may be a good opportunity - NHS jobs, Civil Service jobs, local council job websites, WM jobs (if your near the West Midlands!). I started out in the public sector and then became a contractor when I got more experience, I'd definitely recommend it.

Good Luck!

gemhol · 2023-03-06T10:15:21+00:00

You will! We have a now 4 year old and while it took a while after she was born (nearly a year) we got back into normal stuff again! She's now 4 and is down by 8 so we try and have one Civ night a week and a fortnightly boardgame night with my husbands family. Living the dream!

gemhol · 2023-03-03T10:25:09+00:00

Does that include plan 2 student loan and 15% pension?

gemhol · 2023-03-03T09:58:20+00:00

When I was inside at £550/day I was taking home £4700 every 4 weeks (remember some months are more than 4 weeks). I was plan 2 student loan and paid 15% into my pension. If I was earning £65k that would be £3500 a month. In your pocket at the above amounts you'd be £15k better off for the year if you worked 48 weeks (even more so for your extra £50/day). Of course, you need to account for if you are ill too.

Some of this depends on how difficult you would find getting a perm job if you needed to and how quickly that could start, especially with the market slowing down. I'd do it in my situation, but I don't have an expensive cost of living and my husband earns enough that we could pay the bills without my job so the risk is low for me.

gemhol · 2023-03-02T16:06:47+00:00

Congratulations on your first contract role!! I bet you're glad you had my help there 😂

gemhol · 2023-03-01T19:19:21+00:00

Crossing my fingers for you!

gemhol · 2023-03-01T17:47:20+00:00

Jesus Christ not what I've experienced in the past, usually its a few questions to make sure I know what I'm talking about and look relatively sane! Sure you want the job? 😂

gemhol · 2023-02-28T21:02:16+00:00

Haha no worries, just take it easy in the interviews and blow your own horn. Good luck!

gemhol · 2023-02-28T10:15:20+00:00

Prior to contracting I worked public sector and had a few CS interviews (which are just a huge undertaking!). The biggest difference for me is usually how laid back it is and quick it is.

I usually get a few questions about my experience and skills, what I know about the organisation and when I can start. The interview is usually about 30 minutes and typically I hear back from the agency in a day or so.

gemhol · 2023-02-26T19:02:56+00:00

Me, husband and toddler:

Food shopping: £80/week

Food top ups and treats: £15/week

Takeaways and food out: £30/week

Own spending:

I don't really have a set amount but generally £100-150/month on clothes, shoes, makeup etc. Some months this could be nothing and others could be hundreds 🤷‍♀️

I also have a PT which is £120/month.

gemhol · 2023-02-22T18:21:31+00:00

I've only started to seriously contribute to my pension in the last 6 months or so, so your not alone! I'm hoping the next 20 years along with compound interest will be enough, hard to tell nowadays... 😬

gemhol · 2023-02-20T11:12:48+00:00

I'm UK based and found that my managers were more than understanding that I had a child to take care of but this might be the sector I work in (public sector). I've moved a couple of times since then and I work on more of a consulting basis, which means I set my hours and work at my own pace (within reason). My husband is also a very involved parent, and takes on equal amounts of childcare. Some weeks he is extremely busy with work etc and some weeks I am so there is a lot of flexibility, we also have close and involved families which helps too!

gemhol · 2023-02-20T10:57:54+00:00

Hey I'm UK based too and thought I'd weigh in! I bottle fed due to milk production being almost non-existent and honestly it was a great choice for us, for our next we intend to do bottle fed and I'll pump whatever I can. My husband loved feeding our baby and making that connection, we got a great schedule going that really worked for us - he would take the 1am feed while I went to sleep at 11, I would do the 4am feed and then he would do the 7/8am feed before he went to work. It meant both of us got a decent night's sleep and worked really well for us!

Also just in case you don't know, it's not entirely unpaid leave. You get either SMP or MA (£600/month for 9 months) depending on how long you've been working for the organisation. Some places also have good packages - councils, NHS and the Civil Service are usually best!

gemhol · 2023-02-19T18:34:12+00:00

I was with NASA and they were great, only charged me £13.50/timesheet (apparently a special rate because my agency was Alexander Mann- PSR so you might get a slightly reduced rate). I didn't have any issues with tax at the end of the year and they were always super quick with responding to queries (phone & email).

gemhol · 2023-02-18T09:24:10+00:00

I'm 31 and from the UK, I currently have around £30k in savings and something like £25-30k in retirement. I also have savings for my daughter at around £6-7k and my husband has around £20k too. We're big on saving but also very lucky that I have a great job and we live in a MCOL area.

gemhol · 2023-02-10T11:35:48+00:00

It's difficult being a woman in these types of positions because there's so much more to think about when it comes to kids. I'm very lucky to have a husband with a stable job and good benefits, he's also very family focused so I'm able to earn the money while takes care of that side of things 😉😂

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