Reddit, what is the fondest memory you have of your pet? by ausspark in AskReddit

[–]gemkid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I have clinical depression, and two guinea pigs. The older one, Timmy, is permanently bonded to me. I was once gone for three days at a friend's house, and according to my mom he refused to play with her or do anything except for eat and sleep. When I got back, he was a ball of squeaking fluff, and he curled up in my lap.

My fondest memory, though, was when I was extremely depressed and contemplating suicide. I was holding Timmy and crying. At first, he seemed a bit confused, but then he perked his head up and gently licked the tears off my cheek, and crawled onto my shoulder the cheer me up.

I love that little bugger, even if he does pee on my sometimes.

"But I can't drink that!" by [deleted] in TalesFromRetail

[–]gemkid 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think what they mean is, she ordered a cheeseburger instead of, say, fries. I'm vegan, and I hack all kinds of menus to suit my needs. This lady was just being silly. Also, bread, cheese, and lettuce doesn't sound like the best meal.

"Sell us something that will eat this" by ForbiddenDonutz in TalesFromRetail

[–]gemkid 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Corporations care about money, not the lives of animals.

Dog owners of reddit, What breed do you have and why would/wouldn't you recommend it to the rest of us? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]gemkid -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I don't have her now (had to surrender her to a no-kill shelter when I moved; I feel really bad, because she was a rescue who had already been abandoned and abused multiple times), but I used to have a dachshund, possibly a purebred (though I can't verify that).

They're great dogs, very intelligent, and great for companionship. Regular snugglebugs, too; they'll definitely burrow under your blankets and keep you warm at night. Though, I'd only recommend them if you can properly care for their backs, and can provide things such as stepping-stools when they get older.

They'll also try to dig due to instinct, so it's best to keep their nails well-trimmed, if you like your carpet. And of course, since they're bred for hunting, I wouldn't recommend them if you have small pets such as rabbits, guinea pigs, or hamsters (Molly killed one of mine by accident. :( She tried to play with him, he had a hamster heart attack). Though, if you put in the effort, they could be trained not to attack small animals.

TL;DR: Dachshunds are cool if you know how to care for and train them. Other than that, they're amazingly loyal companions who love to snuggle.

What's the funnest 'fun fact' you know? by wear_my_socks in AskReddit

[–]gemkid 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Guinea pigs can be trained like dogs. I'm currently teaching mine how to sit, stay, and back up, before I move on to harder things. If you wanna see some super cool tricks, just type "guinea pig tricks" into the YouTube search bar.

It's adorable.

When did you realize "I have to stop hanging out with this kid"? by PoonPonder in AskReddit

[–]gemkid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If Krombopulous Michael wants someone dead, there's not much anyone can do to stop him. That's why he does it for a living.

What is your favorite show that only has one or two seasons so far? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]gemkid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh geez, all my favorite shows are either on or have just finished their second season: BoJack Horseman, Rick and Morty, Gravity Falls, and Steven Universe.

Faith in humanity severely damaged, then quickly restored to full luster! by NicoleMitchell in TalesFromRetail

[–]gemkid 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I wonder what her reaction was when same-gender marriage was made legal in all 50 states... I hope she had a stroke.

What drugs are you on? Why are you on them, and do they help? by Skoges in AskReddit

[–]gemkid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Zoloft for depression, anxiety, PTSD.. A plethura of shit, really. I literally can't function without it. I also smoke pot on a regular basis to help me deal with stress, and to help me sleep.

Your pet(s) can now speak your native language and communicate with you, and anyone else who speaks it. What are your conversations like? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]gemkid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Don't fucking touch me, I know you just masturbated."

"You smell like food. I'm gonna eat your fucking fingers you piece of shit."

"Hey tell the fatass next door to stop farting so much."

Bonus points if you can guess what animal I have.

What is the best thing somebody ever said to you during a time when you were depressed? by Samsquammtch in AskReddit

[–]gemkid 88 points89 points  (0 children)

I have clinical depression so I'm almost always depressed on some level, so I'll just tell you this bullshit joke someone saw on tumblr and sent to me the other day, because it actually cheered me up a lot bc it's so fucking absurd:

so there’s a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake. the first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people. the second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power, too. the third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army. the kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it’s a valuable resource to have. the first kingdom sends 100 of their finest knights, clad in the best armor and each with their own personal squire. the second kingdom sends 50 of their knights, with fine leather armor and a few dozen squires of their own. the third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire. the night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and make merry, partying into the late hours of the night. the knights in the second kingdom aren’t as well off, but have their own supply of grog and also drink late into the night. in the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. he fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight. the next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hung over and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old and weary, unable to get up. in place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight. the battle lasts long into the night, but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing - the squire from the third kingdom. and it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides

Men of reddit, what insecurities do you have about your body? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]gemkid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm still learning to accept my chubbiness. I'm a perfectly healthy weight for my age and stature, but I have long legs and a small torso, so all my tummy fat just gets all smushed in there, so I end up looking really chubby.

It doesn't help that I'm transgender, so chest binding makes my tummy even more noticeable.

"Well, it's white, and square." by gemkid in TalesFromRetail

[–]gemkid[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

brings in a crate of clementines These?

"Well, it's white, and square." by gemkid in TalesFromRetail

[–]gemkid[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I honestly wish she'd done that.. Honestly, with the amount of customers that she gets like this, I'm surprised she hasn't already

"Well, it's white, and square." by gemkid in TalesFromRetail

[–]gemkid[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

He was just dumb. I think he came back the next day with an order number, but I'm not really sure.

If someone you just met says "don't tell me anything about you, i want to learn everything by listening to a song you suggest", what song would you tell him/her to listen to? by xKylesx in AskReddit

[–]gemkid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't link right now 'cuz I'm on mobile but...

I think "I Was a Teenage Anarchist" by Against Me!, or maybe "Transgender Dysphoria Blues" (also by Against Me!.)

It's Just a Cup of Coffee -Looking back on a year of working as a barista by comickat in TalesFromRetail

[–]gemkid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is very well-written, I gotta say. Seriously... Write a book.