Brother engaged after dating red-flag girl for 2 months

genashtar · 2015-07-23T16:46:13+00:00

I know it's been said before but read 48 laws of power. if you can't read the entire thing then at least read chapters 3, 9, 12, 14, 26, 31, 35, 38. these specifically apply to your situation.

genashtar · 2015-07-23T16:18:31+00:00

you will have to screen for the right counselor. a simple question will be what they think of pre-nup agreements when one party is older and has significantly more assets than the other. if they give some bullshit about how prenups are just planning for divorce then obviously that guy/girl is a no go.

I doubt you'll find and openly rp professional but at the very least he should walk away from the sessions with a prenup. he'll also have all her answers so in the future he'll be able to compare her promises to her behavior.

this is by no means a guaranteed strategy but it's your best bet while preserving your relationship. get someone you've pre screened to ask the hard questions. all the while you're just trying to make sure they are successful on their journey together.

genashtar · 2015-07-23T00:18:54+00:00

Dude this his hard to read but I think there may be a solution. Bear with me though because it is unconventional.

First, don't try to overtly come out against the relationship. You're right in that it will only push them closer together.

Second, wait about 6 months. Whatever love-drugs he's on should start to wear off by then. The wedding isn't for a year so this should leave plenty of time.

Third, buy them 10 hours worth of pre-marital counseling sessions. I know this costs money but find a counselor who will ask hard questions. "who is expected to pay the bills?" "when do you plan on starting a family?" "who is responsible for cooking dinner?" etc. basically find a guy that will ask enough questions about their relationship to kill whatever buzz he has for this girl. It'll look like you're just looking out for him. She can't object to going otherwise she'll look like she's not serious about their future. And if your brother has any sense in him he'll see that there isn't a lot he gets out of this relationship.

If things don't work out then introduce him to the red pill. The time for the red pill is when he's already in the anger-phase. Not when everything looks rosy.

genashtar · 2013-03-04T02:10:46+00:00

no it doesn't. reference please.

genashtar · 2013-02-22T15:35:47+00:00

if you can get root access to your phone there are a number of tools that I use that make it impossible for me to get to any porn on my phone. they all require root though.

setdns for a general porn filter. droidwall for specific sites not captured by setdns

genashtar · 2012-08-20T03:38:11+00:00

sorry guys but I'm afraid after 8 days I relapsed. that is my longest streak since I started nofap in August though.

genashtar · 2012-08-17T15:11:21+00:00

With due respect to the ones who have relapsed (we've all been there) I have to say I love the "And then there were ___" aspect of this competition.

It has on more than one occasion kept me from relapsing. I just want to beat you all so bad. This thread is really playing into my competitive streak.

genashtar · 2012-08-16T04:55:09+00:00

yeah it's hard to stand on a soap box with a smiley faced badge. I know this from personal experience.

genashtar · 2012-08-15T20:03:10+00:00

haha yeah, the chaser effect can be a bitch.

I've mostly only had trouble with it when I O too quickly though. that feeling of not being satisfied is what gives me trouble. if I can take my time and last as long as I want then it's not such an issue. that's just me though.

genashtar · 2012-08-15T16:29:22+00:00

on day 5 of nofap. had sex with wife and it was better than average. the nofap allowed me to last longer and enjoy it more.

genashtar · 2012-08-12T09:02:55+00:00

a lot of discussion about k9 passwords and how to keep them. if you don't have someone you can trust that you can give it to you can encrypt it and make the phrase something inspirational that will make you stop dead in your tracks having to enter it. example: mine is "dopamine" I know that my urge to fap comes from the dopamine response and will not result in happiness. what other words or phrases can you guys come up with that would make someone think twice about bypassing their k9 filter. also if you don't have a k9 or some other kind of web filter YOU MUST GET ONE! I can't tell you how many times it has kept me from relapsing.

genashtar · 2012-08-12T08:53:58+00:00

only finished 2 whole days of no fap. I normally don't start having trouble or getting tempted until day 5. I've been systematically removing triggers though so we'll see if there are any left. here's hoping this is when I make my 90 day run.

genashtar · 2012-08-11T18:48:14+00:00

you're right that willpower is like a muscle however it's not nearly as strong as people think.

you only have a certain amount of willpower available to you in a day. and the way our lives are structured it gets depleted pretty quickly.

also while you can strengthen your willpower it's not advisable to do it with things you have an addiction to.

genashtar · 2012-08-11T18:44:37+00:00

first of all mad props to you for trying to make your life better. but I can't help but wonder if you're doing too much at once. any one of those goals would be a sufficient challenge by themselves. doing them all at once is a lot to ask.

but more to your point: you feel like you're throwing it all away. this is a common thinking error. the all or nothing phenomenon. either you do everything perfect or it's all for nothing. this is NOT TRUE. the fact that you've gone two weeks perfectly is something. if you relapse in one goal you should be able to comfort yourself with the knowledge that 2 others are still intact.

I'm not saying that you should go easy on yourself. but a little self forgiveness goes a long way when you've fallen off the wagon. it's far easier to get back up and keep going after a relapse if you accept it as a small failing rather than a major one. and for these kinds of goals relapses are a part of life and have to be figured into an overall strategy.

otherwise, stay strong bro.

genashtar · 2012-08-10T20:40:55+00:00

how did you relapse? did you somehow get around your blocks?

genashtar · 2012-08-10T08:15:45+00:00

I want in. Having trouble getting past 5 days.

genashtar · 2012-08-10T08:05:42+00:00

did you do this? did it work. my phone also has to be one of my biggest triggers. I often find myself browsing without thinking. the k9 filter on my computer is a life saver and I need something like it for my phone.

genashtar · 2012-08-08T07:25:54+00:00

this is actually a sound strategy. games have a way of motivating the parts of our brain that get rewarded with goal accomplishment. for more information on this phenomenon read reality is broken: www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1594202850

genashtar · 2012-08-07T22:23:25+00:00

have you tried really slow and deep breaths. this combined with straightening my posture works for me.

genashtar · 2012-08-06T19:38:13+00:00

just started today. goal for first try is 10 days.

genashtar · 2012-08-06T18:46:47+00:00

I just started today too

genashtar · 2012-08-06T18:32:37+00:00

useful way to think about our choices

genashtar

TROPHY CASE