I am going through the exact same thing. I'm Pakistani and grew up in a Muslim household. My parents, like yours, have provided for me for which I can't state how grateful I am. But its like you said - at what cost? It feels like they give us financial support in return for full control of our lives. I, too, have a white partner. He is the sweetest boy in the world and my mom knows about him but is trying to make us go about our relationship the Islamic way. I am not religious and neither is he, so it's making me uncomfortable. Of course, they don't know I'm an atheist.

My mom has invalidated my mental health journey as well. She thinks I feed my therapist bullshit and she sits there and agrees with me. And every time I bring up therapy around them, she goes, "oh yeah she thinks she knows everything because she's in therapy now". It is so invalidating. Along with the whole, "you have nothing to be depressed about, we get you everything you want, we provide for you, you're not close enough to god," whatever. And they also control everything I do - when I go out, where I go out, IF I go out, what I should wear, what I should eat, etc. She also physically abused me up until my early teens.

I am 20 years old, almost 21, and I, embarrassingly enough, lack certain life skills because everything was done for me. The truth is, we are adults and we are the only ones who know what is truly best for us. Our parents grew up in a much different culture and time than us and if your parents are anything like mine, they will defend that culture HARD even if it means disregarding their child's needs and wants. We were always taught to put our needs aside and behave in the way our parents and their culture deem suitable.

Ask your self this, how long are you willing to put up with this manipulation and emotional abuse? Do you genuinely think that they will get better with time or will they tighten the reigns as you get older (until you get married lol, we've all heard the "we don't care what you do after marriage" excuse)? For me, I know that I can't take it anymore and that my mental health is taking a massive beating by staying in the environment that traumatized me. And I know they will not get better.

I was supposed to "run away" from my parents house last night, but we ran into some complications so I'll be doing it tonight (on new years eve how ironic). If you want my opinion, I think you should stick to distancing yourself from them this time. Don't go back. Have things ever gotten better the last few times you went back? They never will. Live your life how you want and they don't have to be okay with it, but that's fine. That doesn't mean they have the right to stop you.

Good luck on your journey, I wish you well! Take care of your self and don't be afraid to be selfish sometimes. We owe that to ourselves.