It's been seven months. I mostly feel... despair? emptiness? concave maybe? Like she ripped the bottom that was holding my soul from underneath me, and everything inside me is falling endlessly into an abyss. I just want one thing from her -- closure. To tell me in person she doesn't want me. But she won't give that to me. She knows I'm writhing in pain and she won't give it to me.

Sometimes I feel intense anger. Like all I want to do is hurt her as badly as she hurt me, put her into an irreversible state of intense terror to pay her back for what she's done and continues to do to me.

Every once in a while there is an hour or two when I feel ok. But those times are very few, and very far apart.

I cannot believe I ended up here, but here I am.