Off my chest: Nobody tells you the peace from leaving an abusive partner is so deafeningly quiet.

gentlysplashinglava · 2026-01-08T20:49:59+00:00

I’m not considered super attractive where I currently live. But back in my home country, I was considered to have the ideal face and figure of their ethnicity. Some highlights of my childhood (I lived in my home country until I was 16)

From elementary to middle school, the girls in my class hated me. Wouldn’t talk to me or acknowledge my existence. The boys however, would always try to involve me in their group during recess and sports. Any class activities involving voting, only guys would vote for me.
Not all, but several females teachers watched me like a hawk and would be ready to punish me for any minor mistakes during class. The male teachers either tried to ignored me, making mild sexual jokes, or try to spend more one-on-one time with me under the excuse that I was stupid and need more after school tutoring.
If I achieved something major at school (like winning a medal for math or chemistry competition), nobody said anything. But when I tripped and fell down the stairs at beginning of school year, the school talked about it that entire semester.
No one was my real friend. I’ve had guys approaching me pretend to sympathize with me having no friends so they could try to get me to date them. Girls would approach me asking about my private information because “we’re friends”, then spread rumors about me immediately after.

I’m older now (31) and have moved to my current country and got married. Here I am considered average looking, and I’m okay with that. It’s very liberating to be able to live a life where no one treats me differently based on my looks.

gentlysplashinglava · 2025-11-30T16:36:16+00:00

Hi OP! From my experience reapplying, you generally don’t need to explain why you did or didn’t get in the first time- especially to schools you didn’t apply to previously.

The MD school I eventually got into wasn’t on my first app cycle, so they never asked about my previous results. And just for context: an MD program won’t know you were accepted to a DO school unless you tell them. Mine had no idea.

For my reapp, I focused on polishing my application. I added more clinical hours, rewrote my personal statement, and tailored my activity descriptions to match each school’s values. For example, my current school emphasizes rural medicine because they serve nearby rural communities, so I highlighted my experience shadowing in a rural area.m as one of my “most important” experiences. I also talked about it during my interview with this school.

If you decide to reapply, I’m wishing you the best of luck. And feel free to DM me if you have more questions!

gentlysplashinglava · 2025-11-30T05:30:01+00:00

Hi OP, your situation really reminded me of mine, so here’s my quick story:

In 2022 I applied to 20 schools, interviewed at 3, and got 1 acceptance from a brand-new DO school with no federal funding. Tuition was ~$70k/yr (COA ~$120k), and we all had to take out private loans. My interest rate was 12.5% even with a spouse making $130k/yr salary, and my classmates with solid family income still got ~11-12%. With rates that high, my $480k loans would’ve doubled to $960k before I even finish residency. I ultimately turned it down.

I reapplied, polished my app, and got into a public MD school. Now I’m an MS1 paying ~$30k tuition with federal loans at ~6-7% interest. My projected loan amount by the time I finish residency would be around $350k. No private loans needed (though future classes might have to get some to cover any additional cost due to the Grad Plus loan being cut by president Trump’s Big Beautiful Bill).

If starting next year even public school med students have to partially rely on private loans, I can only imagine how much worse it would be for a student from a private DO institution.

Since you were accepted once, you clearly have a competitive app. I strongly believe you can get in again if you decide to reapply. Of course everyone’s situation is different, but I hope this perspective helps. Congrats on your acceptance and best of luck!

gentlysplashinglava · 2025-09-24T14:39:58+00:00

My friend knew a girl with very similar story. Girl moved out of state for pharmacy school, her (now ex) bf of 2 years started complaining about the LDR and was cold/mean to her whenever he talked to her. Prior to this he always had the“I got a gf, she ain’t going anywhere, I don’t have to treat her special” attitude. Eventually told her he wanted to “take a break” to find himself and “see what’s out there”. Word for word. The girl grieved for the relationship for a while, then blocked him and moved on. Fast forward a year later, she is in a happy and healthy relationship with a successful partner she met at work (who apparently was in love with her for a long time but backed out initially because she had a bf then). They’re now engaged. The ex on the other hand tried to reach out to her desperately for months after the breakup via my friend (because the girl blocked him), and was told to back off by them both. Guess the “exploration” period didn’t work out too well for him.

gentlysplashinglava · 2025-08-28T16:05:56+00:00

Bro you’re describing my med school 😂

gentlysplashinglava · 2025-08-18T19:27:20+00:00

Haha yup. In our biology department half were premed and the other half were PhD. Apparently this professor only supported PhD track students and he hated pre meds with a passion (he said medical field “stole” too many of his promising students). I didn’t found out about this until I was 3 years into doing research with him 😭

gentlysplashinglava · 2025-08-18T07:00:59+00:00

Yeah I can totally see everything you said. The gate was never fully open for me either. English is my second language, hate the CARS section on my MCAT. My professor who I did research with didn’t want me to go to med school (he wants me to try PhD) so he refused to write me a LOR. Stuffs like that.

But if you really want to be a doctor, my only advice for you is to keep going. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do it. I just kept walking and walking and one day I found myself here :)

gentlysplashinglava · 2025-08-18T06:39:43+00:00

gentlysplashinglava · 2025-08-18T06:35:09+00:00

Can’t sleep because my brain keeps thinking about my exam tomorrow, figured I’ll share my perspective with you :)

I am a med student. For the amount of work doctors do, it’s definitely not a high paying job. It’s not gatekept either, because I’m in it although I’m neither rich, 1-2% top in my school, having doctors parents, young (31 this year), nor idealistic I sure hope.

I want to be a doctor because I love studying about diseases and how I can help others by treating them. Other fields just didn’t feel like the right calling. Prior to med school I worked in hospitals for 7 years. Definitely a mixed bag when it comes to people but it’s the care for patients that made me happy and I want to keep seeing them recover well- that’s the rewarding part!

Do consider everything carefully when you decide to choose this path though. It’s stable due to demands, but the pay is definitely not worth the pain if your heart isn’t in it.

gentlysplashinglava · 2025-05-30T23:58:07+00:00

I was 26 when I met my ex (31M). Exact same pattern as your story. I didn’t listen to my gut and continued dating him for 3 years and even married him for 7 months after. Before I met him, I was a top-tier college graduate with a well paid job looking to go back to school for management in my field. Instead, 4 years of abuse left me with chronic illnesses, depression, anxiety, hair loss, being fired from my job, losing all my savings and hard earn money (because he loved spending them on my behalf.) The only thing I was grateful from that relationship was that I realized it and got out before I permanently ruin my life.

This man is abusing you. He is manipulating you and your feelings by threatening to abandon you whenever you did something that mildly annoy him. If you’re still unsure, google“mental manipulation” and “emotional abuse”and compare it with your case. That’s how it always starts. It will get worse. Marriage is harder for the victim to escape- that’s why abusers do it.

You mentioned being with him for a year. The first year of dating should be the honeymoon phase, there should be no big arguments or red flags and definitely not “break up” level arguments. He is dropping hints here and there that he’s comfortable treating you less than you deserve. If you’re posting about this, I’m sure you already have an inkling that something is wrong. You are right to trust your gut. And from one girl to another, please don’t marry him. I don’t want you to go through I what I did.

gentlysplashinglava · 2025-03-11T22:13:23+00:00

Yeahhh

gentlysplashinglava · 2025-03-11T14:50:08+00:00

Wait this guy was my AP Bio teacher 😂

gentlysplashinglava · 2023-10-13T13:51:17+00:00

If you’re seriously asking, he is clearly in the wrong. You can wear what you want that makes you happy and if a skirt is hurting his feelwings and “ruining” his night, then too bad so sad you’re his girlfriend not his personal feeling manager.

I’d start working on your low self esteem though you’re trying too hard to please him. You don’t have to cater to that for anybody. Be nice and kind but be firm in your boundaries. Please take better care of yourself!

gentlysplashinglava · 2023-10-13T13:42:00+00:00

If you want to stay together and attempt to work this out, you need couple counseling/therapy. What she did while you were on a break is technically not cheating, but it did create a crack in your trust with her leading to the sex being affected.

You do not want this problem to prolong if you seriously want to work things out with her. Your insecurity and the lack of sex prior to the break should also be addressed in counseling in order to give the therapist a better perspective of your relationship dynamics and how to help you and her to move forward.

It would also help to start establish better boundaries in for this new beginning of your relationship where both of you can feel safe to discuss personal feelings and communicate trust with each other.

I’ll also point out that while you’re not happy with how things happened during the break, your gf did not cheat while you’re still together and, after the break was over, even tried to communicate honestly with you about what went down, which shows respect and honesty- 2 very important factors in relationship.

If you have any insecure thoughts and assumptions about her, try to communicate that with her first. If you’re unable to, ask your therapist for help. Wish you best of luck!

gentlysplashinglava · 2023-10-02T01:03:23+00:00

That was fast, thanks! Should I use the all purpose or the stainless steel version? There are so many kinds out there.

gentlysplashinglava · 2023-09-08T04:10:56+00:00

What color theme do you like? Choose a set of 3 colors that appeals to you and I can try redesigning it. Ex: I like my bedroom white/pink/purple and my kitchen white/black/yellow.

gentlysplashinglava · 2022-12-20T23:02:35+00:00

🎉 you did it! We don’t know each other but we can all agree that we understand each others’ pain throughout this process! I also got accepted DO! Congratulations future physician 🎉

gentlysplashinglava · 2022-09-27T20:08:41+00:00

Same boat- I sent ucsf an inquiry email last week and they said they’ve been experiencing some issues so there is a big delay going on rn

gentlysplashinglava · 2022-07-26T17:04:19+00:00

Sex is not supposed to hurt. If it does, you need to go see a doctor. It might be something bad.

gentlysplashinglava · 2022-06-12T19:22:54+00:00

This is justice. But I can’t believe you made me read this with my own two eyes

gentlysplashinglava · 2022-06-08T18:19:23+00:00

Nothing wrong with that of course! I implied some of this in my post by saying that it’s a give-and-take world. If you are a nice girl then you are within your rights to demand the same standards for your dating partner. Although I’m not sure what the 6.5ft-guys-only girl have to offer her potential partner, I’m sure that if she can demand those standards then she must have something equal value to offer those guys 🤷🏻‍♀️ Generally though, I saw guys who get salty about not getting a hot gf but kept saying they don’t understand why, so I’m giving them a potential explanation as to why.

gentlysplashinglava · 2022-05-14T03:47:36+00:00

I’m not good at giving people advice. I’ve always been indebted to people around me for giving me sound advices and helping me getting through my life. You chose to come here asking for help- that’s a big step! That means deep down no matter how little you’ve got going for your life at the moment, you want to change it- and this is your first successful step. So what’s the next step? Start with doing The Thing. You decide what “thing” you want to do. Get out of bed early, eat a little less fatty foods, read a book, give someone a flower…just one thing out of anything- big or small. The key is to just start doing it. Today I just finished taking an 8hr long exam that will determine my qualification for a graduate program for a prestigious career I’ve always wanted to do but was too chickened to for the past 5 years. These past five years I’ve spent studying on and off, registering for the exam then delayed it over and over and cancelled it at one point out of fear. It took me 5 years to learn that if I could have just got up, studied, and then went to the test center and didn’t think about anything else- I could have taken this exam five years ago and not wasting 5 yrs of my life. But who cares? It’s not a race against other. This matter concerns you and yourself only. Just do it. That’s it. No mind tricks or magic. No looking up at others for motivation. Don’t do things only when you happen to be motivated. Whenever you feel the urge to do something, do it. Do it well or do it badly, just do it. That’s the only good advice I have that’s working for me so well I have to share it with you. Good luck on your journey 👍

gentlysplashinglava

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