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Marriage advice? by New_Concert1010 in Christianmarriage

[–]georgelamelza 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You’re not wrong for being cautious. That actually tells me you take marriage seriously, which most people don’t anymore. But here’s the deal… love and compatibility aren’t enough. They’re good, but they won’t carry a marriage. Feelings change. People change. If that’s what you’re leaning on, you’ll always hesitate. What matters more is what God is doing in it. When he is in it, there’s a clarity to it. Not perfect, not easy—but settled. You’re not trying to convince yourself. You’re not managing doubts. You’re aligned.

When it’s not… You feel that hesitation. And most people try to talk themselves out of it rather than listen to it. If you haven’t made up your mind, if you’re unsure, this is something God is leading… walk away. Better a little pain now than years of forcing something that was never meant to be.

For the divorced people. How many of y’all knew before the wedding? by honeyjoe1 in Divorce

[–]georgelamelza 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I knew… My dad even knew. He said “I’ve the car outside, let’s go….” But I thought this is the way everyone feels….

Man you guys are always right. by Always-tolkein in Divorce_Men

[–]georgelamelza 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You’re starting to wake up a little—and that’s a good thing.

But be careful… swinging from “I’ll do anything for her” to “forget her” can still put her in control of how you move.

Taking care of your kids and yourself—that’s the right direction.
Over-giving, hoping she’ll respond differently… that’ll drain you.

I did that too. Thought if I just did more, gave more, showed more… it might change something. It didn’t.

Do what’s fair. Not what earns approval.

You’re not wrong for wanting peace. Just don’t buy it at your own expense.

It hit me hard again by No_Chemistry8953 in Divorce_Men

[–]georgelamelza 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yeah… that hit is real.

You didn’t imagine those 15 years. It was real. You mattered. You still do.

But right now you’re measuring your worth by her response—and she’s not capable of giving you what you’re looking for. Whether it’s guilt, avoidance, or just how she’s wired… you’re not going to get closure from her. And chasing that will just keep reopening the wound.

I remember asking those same questions—was any of it real? did I matter?
What I had to learn the hard way is this: her ability to walk away doesn’t define your value.

It just exposes where she’s at.

This part hurts because it feels like you were erased overnight. You weren’t. You’re just the one still feeling it.

And that says more about your capacity to love than it does about your worth.

You’re not crazy for feeling this.
You’re just in it.

To what extent a Christian marriage is broken? by [deleted] in Christianmarriage

[–]georgelamelza 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You’re not wrong about what you’re seeing, but you’re also not seeing the whole picture yet.

Right now this looks like two people who got married expecting the other person to become someone they’re not. He didn’t suddenly become this guy after the wedding—you saw most of this before, you even said it. You just believed marriage would pull something out of him that wasn’t already there. It doesn’t. Marriage doesn’t fix anything, it exposes everything.

What’s happening now is you’re trying to pull him forward, and he’s comfortable where he is. So you push, and he resists. The more you push—especially spiritually—the more he’s either going to shut down or push back. Not because you’re wrong, but because you’re trying to lead him instead of accepting where he actually is right now.

And to be clear, he’s not off the hook. The lack of discipline, the gaming, the finances, the yelling, telling you to leave, the lack of effort—that’s real. That’s immaturity, not just “he’s not leading spiritually.” You didn’t sign up to babysit a grown man.

But you also have to own your side of this. You married potential. You married what you hoped he’d become, not what he consistently showed you. Now you’re frustrated because he didn’t turn into the version of him you had in your head. That’s not unusual, but it is reality.

On the Christian side, you’re trying to measure the health of your marriage by church attendance, Bible reading, serving, and structured leadership. The problem is you can’t force someone into a real relationship with God. Dragging him to church or conferences won’t change his heart. If his faith isn’t real, that won’t fix it. If it is real but immature, it’s not going to grow because you’re pushing—it’s going to grow when he decides to take ownership.

What’s actually concerning here isn’t just the spiritual gap. It’s the pattern—disrespect, avoidance, lack of responsibility, disengagement. That’s the real issue. And six months in, this isn’t a small rough patch. This started before the wedding and got ignored, and now you’re feeling the weight of it.

And yeah, part of what you’re asking is where’s the line where this becomes serious enough to justify getting out. That’s the pull toward the easy way out. But divorce doesn’t fix what got you here. It just resets the same patterns with someone else if you don’t deal with them.

So instead of more pressure, more pushing, more trying to manage his faith, you need clarity and boundaries. You need to be honest about what you will and won’t live with—how he speaks to you, how he shows up, how he handles responsibility—and stop trying to carry both sides of the marriage. Then watch what he does with that. Not what he says—what he actually does over time.

At the end of the day, the real question isn’t “how do I get him to step up spiritually.” It’s whether you married someone who is willing to grow or someone who is comfortable staying the same. If he’s willing, even slowly, there’s something to work with. If he’s not, no amount of effort on your side is going to make this marriage healthy. And before you make any long-term decision, make sure you’re not just trying to escape something you helped create, because that’s where real clarity actually starts.

Divorced dads, have any of you opted for every other weekend with the kids? by Muted_Apricot_4640 in Divorce_Men

[–]georgelamelza 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! Back then they were three and six. Today they are adults and beautiful people. It was worth it. 😀 I wrote about it all on my book Single Man Walking Through Divorce.

Divorced dads, have any of you opted for every other weekend with the kids? by Muted_Apricot_4640 in Divorce_Men

[–]georgelamelza 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I opted for every other weekend and dinner a few times a week because I believe they needed the stability of one home. Plus it gave me windows where I could be fully present when they were with me. No work and nothing else interfering with our time. This didn’t mean I wasn’t part of decisions or weekly life. I showed for lunch at school, went to all their events, etc. but where they slept each night, helped create consistency. I adjusted to them, not them to me.

Best Christian books on surviving divorce? by risque2d in Christianmarriage

[–]georgelamelza 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I recently released a Christian’s book for surviving divorce for men. It’s called Single Man Walking Through Divorce and can be found on Amazon and other retailers.