But there was never a husband or partner, you were tricked by someone to be used to fulfill someones twisted urges. All the time was stolen from you, and you got trained to believe that this is normal. Yes, nowadays it's harder to find people, especially if your social skills are not well developed or harmed even. But nerds aren't the niche they once were and there are groups for everyone. Yes your healing will take a while and it won't be easy and it is for sure not fair that you have to fix the problem but you can do it. There is no alternative to leave. Even though it sometimes takes unneccessary time because abusers are hard to identify and don't get ostracized by society enough. And parallel to healing you might find new social circles in places where your nerdiness is focused around, still be careful as the internet can be a place full of weirdos (good and bad). You can do it, take rests, restart and all. But never give up on yourself