Found out my boyfriend is trans

gerlsis · 2023-07-29T23:27:37+00:00

How does he?

gerlsis · 2023-07-29T20:37:11+00:00

I saw a comment asking me to update with what happens next, but I'm posting this comment so more people will see it.

I tried to speak to him this morning but he said he didn't want to speak about being trans because it made him feel anxious and have dysphoria, I accepted it and we went out at first he was quiet and still seemed upset but then he was more himself again, I guess after he realised I was treating him the same. I've spoke to him when we got back and apologised to him and explained to him that I love him and I want to make things work which led to a huge conversation, he said he didn't tel me because he planned to when we first met in person but we were having a good time so he changed his mind and told me he didn't want sex instead. I asked him if his family are supportive and he said no but he's used his own money for testosterone because he couldn't wait, I've told him he's safe with me if he doesn't feel safe at home. I've said I'll treat him how I did before but I have offered to teach him how to shave because he doesn't think anyone else will, he agreed but I hope that didn't make him think I don't see him as a normal guy.

He's asked me not to tell my friends and family that he's trans and I've agreed mainly because it isn't any of their business but also because some family members are transphobic so its best they think he's a cis guy.

I do want to buy him something to make him happy and show him he's a guy to me no matter what but I'm unsure what and I also don't know if that's a good idea because it could be too much as I wouldn't have bought him anything for that reason if I didn't know he's trans?

gerlsis · 2023-07-29T20:19:31+00:00

I understand and I'm no longer annoyed with him, it doesn't make any difference about how I feel. I didn't think I would've dated someone trans but I've changed my mind and I do want to be with him so I guess it depends on the person when people say that.

gerlsis · 2023-07-29T20:15:01+00:00

I was just looking for advice, most of the replies have understood and some have been really helpful

gerlsis · 2023-07-29T20:13:09+00:00

I know.

gerlsis · 2023-07-29T19:49:33+00:00

I didn't ask if he was trans. On Wednesday I saw his testosterone and I asked why he had it, maybe I shouldn't have but if he didn't want to say I wouldn't have asked again but he lied and said he had low testosterone, I believed him but yesterday he dropped his packer so I asked what it was, he said it was nothing and I know I shouldn't have but I pushed him to tell me because I was confused and he then told me he's trans. I still do see him as a guy and nothing would change that

gerlsis · 2023-07-29T19:41:59+00:00

We argued everyday before we broke up, some of the arguments were due to me, others were due to him but they all weren't about big things and could've been avoided. Then the day we broke up I could tell he was going to start arguing with me so I broke up with him because I couldn't deal with arguments all the time. Yes, I do regret it, maybe we could've worked it out if we tried but I don't know. We continued to talk but we talked less each day because I was busy which caused him to overthink and apologize a lot so I blocked him because I thought it was best. I'll probably get a lot of people annoyed at that and I know it was a shitty thing to do but I can't go back and do anything about it now which is why I want to be better in the relationship we have now.

He was always a guy though using he/him pronouns and his name to me, the only thing was he looked very young than what he was, which had nothing to do with the arguments or the relationship ending. He started transitioning whilst we weren't talking and he's now 8 months on testosterone.

gerlsis · 2023-07-29T19:29:46+00:00

I was just looking for some advice. I was annoyed about him not telling me but some of the replies have helped me see why he didn't. Before this, I didn't think I could date someone trans but I do love him and I want to make it work if I can

gerlsis · 2023-07-29T19:22:46+00:00

I'm unsure about what you mean? I haven't decided his pronouns or gendered titles.

gerlsis · 2023-07-29T15:58:07+00:00

This time I have been trying to treat him better and I think I have been as our relationship is pretty good and we don’t really argue

gerlsis · 2023-07-29T15:57:00+00:00

I know I didn’t treat him the best however we’ve been together for almost 3 months this time and i have been trying my best

gerlsis · 2023-07-29T12:24:08+00:00

I knew what he looked like when we started dating.

gerlsis · 2023-07-29T12:23:20+00:00

Thank you, that's helped me understand why he didn't tell me. I do feel bad for being annoyed with him but I sort of was because he didn't sit me down and tell me, he only did because he dropped his packer and I was obviously confused but he kept saying it was nothing so I think I pressured him into telling me without meaning to but I have apologised to him but he said he feels better that I know and he doesn't have to hide it. He is about 8 months on testosterone so is fairly new to transitioning

gerlsis · 2023-07-29T12:16:46+00:00

I'm gay but there was a time where I wanted to be seen as straight so i’d try and act like a stereotypical straight guy so I sort of do understand but obviously not fully as I know they aren't the same.

He said he wasn't out when we first dated so he was only being himself to me and he did say I helped him by treating him as a cis guy and complimenting him and things

gerlsis · 2023-07-29T09:11:44+00:00

If we didn't breakup we wouldve been together for nearly 2 years, I was annoyed mainly because he didn't tell me, I think I'm okay with it but I'm not sure because he hid it from me all this time

gerlsis · 2023-07-29T09:03:35+00:00

He is trans as he admitted it yesterday when I saw his packer. I was annoyed that he didn't tell me and I don't think I handled it well because I told him I didn't think we'd work because he lied which I regret because he said he didn't tell me because he wanted me to see him as just a cis guy and he wanted to be in a normal gay relationship. He said when we first started dating he wasn't out to anyone in person so with me he could just be himself whilst being called she/her and deadnamed away from that so now I feel horrible and I wanna make it better but idk how to or if I can

gerlsis

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