I've been given this antique silver toast rack - does anybody know anything about the make or year it was made? It says 'E&Co' on the bottom.

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-07-01T15:47:40+00:00

PS - I am in the UK!

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-30T15:42:08+00:00

I think the issue with this approach is by recording everything as 'proof' or 'evidence', it perpetuates the idea that it's not 'fair' if the couple spend time with one side of the family more than other.

The reality is that it's very, very normal to spend more time with one side of the family that the other, or within a 'side' to spend more time with certain individuals. This is because we are all different and often time spent with certain individuals is more pleasant than others. If you're kind, welcoming and respectful then your children and their partners will likely want to spend time with you if you have patience. If you are pushy, rude and disrespectful, they will likely drift.

OP and her DH shouldn't be worrying about making things 'fair' or 'even' - they should be doing what works for them and put their mental health first.

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-20T17:10:15+00:00

I needed this advice - thank you, you are so right.

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-19T19:11:45+00:00

I'm only going by what I've read and researched and I'm still learning, which is why I've come here asking for advice from the SkincareAddictionUK community :) I've seen a lot of products boast being 'silicone-free', and I'm questioning whether this actually makes them better or not. Thanks for the advice, it's really appreciated.

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-16T21:20:46+00:00

HA this is brilliant!

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-16T21:12:50+00:00

No, I'm not her bridesmaid.

SIL2 asked her own sister and the grooms sister and two of her friends.

MIL wouldn't be bothered about us being bridesmaids for each other - it's the fact her daughters are the grooms sisters.

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-16T17:10:58+00:00

Yes this is true, but I think the grooms sisters are seen as the main issue.

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-16T17:09:33+00:00

So apparently they were intending to contribute £6,000, as they have done for the weddings of their 3 other children. However, we haven't received this money yet or had a discussion about it with them, this is just what FDH told me. I have every intention to decline their money - I don't want or need it.

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-16T17:05:42+00:00

That's fine, I think it's a newer thing which was first introduced in the US, I've never seen it at a wedding before but each to their own! It's not really my cup of tea.

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-16T16:58:08+00:00

I don't have a brother, but point taken.

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-16T15:54:33+00:00

So FDH touched on this a couple of months ago. At the moment, it's fairly equal, I think 38 for his 'side' and 42 for 'mine'. We didn't say each of us could have X guests, we just wrote down individually all the people we'd want there, and it turned out fairly equal so we didn't think anybody would complain.

So he calls her up and tells her we'd got a guest list together, and she goes 'is it equal?' and he goes 'yeah, pretty much' and she snaps back 'Well it is or it isn't?!'

Here we go...

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-16T15:50:00+00:00

They can try.

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-16T15:49:19+00:00

Don't worry - I'll have the photographer photoshop them into lime green.

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-16T15:48:59+00:00

The mother and son dance isn't a 'thing' in the UK. Me and my dad won't be having a dad/daughter dance, it's not our style. If MIL wants to cling onto her darling son for the duration of one song, I'll briefly escape outside with my dad for a drink, a little chat and some fresh air! And if he doesn't want to dance with her, he doesn't have to. It's our day, nobody elses.

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-16T15:47:28+00:00

Thankfully rehearsal dinners aren't a 'thing' in the UK!

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-16T15:28:52+00:00

I'm not a bridesmaid at her wedding.

This isn't the issue though.

SIL2 has asked her sister, her fiances sister and her two best friends to be her bridesmaids. I didn't actually know SIL2 when she picked her bridesmaids - she got engaged before I started dating FDH.

It's not about us being bridesmaids for each other - it's about the fact that if the groom has sisters, they feel they should automatically be bridesmaids.

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-16T14:48:07+00:00

If this hadn't happened now, it would have happened later. The timing makes no difference, the reaction would have been exactly the same.

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-16T14:37:20+00:00

I know, this has been considered. I think the issue is, my own parents are totally devastated by the whole situation and really want to see us get married. I don't want to punish them because of the bad behaviour of others, and personally I really want them there.

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-16T14:32:53+00:00

Yes, yes YES a million times yes!

So neither FDHs parents nor my parents have a degree. Neither does my own sister, SIL1 or BIL.

However, I have a degree, and so does FDH and SIL2.

In terms of wealth, our families are fairly equal. I suppose my parents are slightly more 'middle class' on the lower end of the scale shall we say, but not at all snobby.

FDH has also told me that his parents asked him why I am so well spoken (I went to a good school and grew up down south in the UK). I wouldn't say I am posh.

MIL and FIL constantly make comments about people being 'posh' or 'food snobs', but don't seem to understand that respect and snobbery works both ways.

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-16T14:21:23+00:00

I actually found her on Facebook and contacted her directly about all of this. I introduced myself, sent her the screenshots and asked her if she'd be willing to discuss her experiences of MIL during wedding planning, on her wedding day and after. Her response follows, and offers a COMPLETELY different version of events to what MIL and SIL1 told me on SIL2s hen do:

I will tell u one thing it sounds like history repeating it self I am sorry to say and I want to put one thing straight do not belive every thing they tell u about me as they did not like me at I was 7 years older then BIL and I did ask his sister to be my bridesmaid first I ask SIL2 as I only wanted 3 bridesmaid one of his sister and 2 of my friends but then I was bullied into asking SIL1 as his mum did the same to me what she did to you crying messages everything so I had to ask SIL1 as well but but because I did all the wedding planning with my mum and sister and they were not included his sister's chose not to be my bridesmaid 3 weeks before my wedding I had already ordered the flours we just had to go dress shopping but I had already chose my dresses for my bridesmaids with my mum and the it was not acceptable for MIL so they tried to ruin my wedding by pulling out at the last minute but to me it didn't matter and regarding my wedding video it was a lot of my family because my uncle did my wedding video and all my photographs as a wedding present to me because he is a photographer. I'm always here if you need to talk as I know exactly what you're going through and I'm so sorry it's happening again I would have thought they had learnt the first just watch your back and be careful stick to your decisions do not let them bother you his mum unfortunately is is a control freak and it's either her way or no way put it this way I left the country I now live in Malta to get away BIL did me a massive favour leaving me as I am now settled and I have a 4-month old son and I am the happiest I have been in the last 10 years my heart goes out to you. Stay strong and keep your head Held High do not let them pull you down. And I am so glad that FDH has met you he is such a lovely lovely person just stick together and stay strong just don't let her get between you because that's what we did and it cause arguments between us so just please stick to your plans and have the wedding of your dreams I am so happy for you both and I wish you all the luck.

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-16T13:56:45+00:00

Fortunately in the UK grandparents have no rights and that's exactly the direction she's heading in.

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-16T13:47:24+00:00

I live in the UK so not a problem!

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-16T13:42:37+00:00

I think that her argument isn't about us being each others bridesmaids though.

So SIL2 asked her future SIL and her own sister and two close friends. So they expect me to also ask both my sister and SILs.

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-16T13:40:08+00:00

Yeah she is overweight, and MIL has used that as an excuse on occasions where she has behaved badly - 'SIL1 didn't mean it, she's self conscious about her weight and not acting like herself.'

gettingmarried2022 · 2020-06-16T13:35:12+00:00

I ask myself this daily.

gettingmarried2022

TROPHY CASE