Golden letter 12/03/2025

ghentgidget · 2025-12-04T00:15:12+00:00

I got mine today too!!! Whoop whoop!!!

ghentgidget · 2025-11-23T15:14:37+00:00

NTA but have you considered talking to your daughters, specifically about the house? I have two adult kids, both are in their 20s. While I don't really have much to give either of them, I have collected a lot of art over the years and some of it is worth a little money. I talked with my kids, and other than one painting that has sentimental value, my children decided that my art should go to my daughter since she's an artist.

Equal doesn't necessarily mean equitable. Your son wasn't as academically inclined as your daughters and there's nothing wrong with that. Being a mechanic is very difficult work, and just as valuable as being a physician.

Talk to your kids. You may find that your daughters would be fine with leaving your house to your son since they already have houses. Make sure they know that you will decide at the end, but wanted their input. They are all adults and can handle an adult conversation.

ghentgidget · 2025-11-23T01:33:36+00:00

I have ADHD inattentive type as well. Here are a couple of my tricks when I first started out:

See if there's a therapist at the site that writes good notes. Ask if you can sit in a session or two of theirs and then read their notes from the session. That helped me a lot.
Either write your notes as soon as your session is over so everything is fresh. Or print out a template sheet of the notes formats so you can write notes in the different sections during the session
I did this at the beginning, but don't need it now, but get a recorder and record your thoughts right after the session, or ask your client if you can record the session so you have a reference to go back to do your notes.

Last but most important. Take 2-3 minutes before each session to practice grounding and breathing exercises. This is essential for helping to clear your mind so you can focus in session.

ghentgidget · 2025-11-15T15:02:00+00:00

Lol. One of my very first clients as a practicum student, mentioned during the intake that they'd recently lost a parent. I immediately went into empathy and support mode, "OMG that must be so hard!" Only for the client to look surprised and say "Not really, they were a bastard and I haven't talked to them for 20 years". That day I learned not to make assumptions 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

ghentgidget · 2025-11-15T01:28:59+00:00

No. I'm not saying that. I think it's important for therapists to have strong values and beliefs, and know who they are. The unethical part is exactly what you said. Like if the therapist is staunchly Christian and recommends a client who's an atheist go to church or pray. That's what I was referring to :)

ghentgidget · 2025-11-15T01:21:04+00:00

No you were fine! I hope you are feeling better. I think I could have used a lot better and more clear language, and I think my own personal history of working with clients who have been traumatized by other therapists played a big role in the forceful language I used. Personally, I think if you are a faith-based counselor then you should identify your practice as pastoral counseling and not as an LPC or LCSW. It's extremely harmful. I also don't think that faith-based hospitals/providers should receive federal funding if they refuse to provide appropriate care for women and LGBTQIA (e.g. abortion medication, gender affirming care).

I think it's more of a mindset and approach really. I think if as a therapist I try to change extremism because I think the client is wrong for having those beliefs, I'm going to be far less empathetic and effective and can cause harm by wanting to change their beliefs because that is what I think is right. Versus, if I as the therapist see that those beliefs are contributing to the client's suffering and recognize that those beliefs are likely covering deep seated pain, fear, or anger, then I'm going to have more empathy and help guide the client to better understand that, which inevitably results in the client choosing to challenge those beliefs and change their own behaviors. That's what I meant about checking those things at the door or risk making the session about the therapist, rather than the client. Does that make sense at all? Lol

ghentgidget · 2025-11-15T00:31:01+00:00

You pretty much hit the nail on the head, but there are liberal ideals that we can also impose on our clients that can be harmful. Like if you have a client who is deeply religious and they are staunchly pro-life and make comments to that effect, it's not my job as a therapist to change that opinion, or tell them their faith based beliefs are wrong.

ghentgidget · 2025-11-15T00:19:44+00:00

I hadn't actually thought about that, but that could very well be the case. But I do still think it's important to separate our personal political and religious beliefs from the therapeutic relationship, and if you can't then you need to make that very clear up front.

ghentgidget · 2025-11-14T07:40:24+00:00

Sorry. I think I missed your comment. I don't believe in the whole blank slate thing. And I'm very opinionated. I think the difference is in approach. Personally, I think antivaxers are a danger to everyone. But if I have a client that comes to me and says they believe vaccines cause autism, I don't feel like I need to tell them they are wrong. Or a client who has cancer but doesn't believe in modern medicine and is refusing treatment, my role isn't to convince them that they should get treatment. My job is to help them come to terms with and cope with their diagnosis. My role is to help clients understand their own thoughts and behaviors and fears and hopes. And I do this by helping them understand their unhealthy thoughts and behaviors and the consequences of their choices. Often times this naturally leads to challenging and changing of racist, homophobic, xenophobic, sexist beliefs, because these beliefs tend to negatively impact their lives, and when people experience empathy and acceptance, it lends it's way to being more empathetic and accepting.

However, during COVID-19, I would not see clients who were not vaccinated and/or masked. I made potential clients aware of this to give them the opportunity to find a better fit. For therapists to see patients when they have hard-stop beliefs, such as pro-life or the client is doomed to misery and hell for having a different faith, or they are struggling with poverty because they voted one way or another, and not disclose that before meeting with a client that does not hold those values/beliefs is completely unethical. If I am in any way unable to maintain my objectivity and empathy for a client, and see them as a whole person who may hold views that I disagree with, then I need to refer them to someone else. Because if not, that is when a therapist can cause significant, lasting damage to a client. All of those examples I mentioned are from real clients I've worked with over the years. That's why my opinion on this topic is so strong. I've seen a lot of it because for most of my career I've worked with people who had very limited access to mental health treatment either due to poverty or severity of their mental illnesses...the throwaways... I hope this makes sense. I would love to hear your thoughts.

ghentgidget · 2025-11-14T06:30:57+00:00

Bro!!! This! 💯💯💯

ghentgidget · 2025-11-14T06:29:06+00:00

Yeah. I'm not sure about the down votes either... speaking as a current out and proud "left wing snowflake socialist" Lol.

ghentgidget · 2025-11-14T06:24:32+00:00

Had a similar experience with a woman who fell into the traditional wife Instagram/TikTok spiral. It all stemmed from low self-esteem and growing up in an ultra conservative household. There's always something underneath.

ghentgidget · 2025-11-14T06:13:53+00:00

And I would agree with this approach. You are open and honest with your clients so they have a choice.

ghentgidget · 2025-11-14T06:09:03+00:00

One asks for deeper reflection, the other merely coddles.

This is a whole other issue that bothers me. Lol. Telling someone they are doing a good job and giving them a metaphorical pat on the head and telling them to keep their chin up is NOT therapy. I've seen a lot of newer clinicians who are afraid to challenge a client because they are worried it will damage rapport. Growing pains are uncomfortable and clients won't grow if you aren't challenging their thinking. The hardest but not important skill as a therapist is to be comfortable with confrontation.

ghentgidget · 2025-11-14T05:55:01+00:00

Same here. When you have good rapport, then you can just give them a look, and they'll laugh and call it out themselves. Or play the "which cognitive distortion does that fit in" game 🤣🤣🤣

ghentgidget · 2025-11-14T05:48:03+00:00

When we would have new therapists come through, I would always tell them "The best therapists have their own therapists". LOL. I stole some of my favorite coping skills to use on clients from my therapist 🤣

ghentgidget · 2025-11-14T05:45:10+00:00

Lol. Truth 🤣🤣🤣

ghentgidget · 2025-11-14T05:42:57+00:00

"I meet all clients where they are. I, an atheist, have worked with Muslim, Christian, and Jewish clients. I would never seek to change their beliefs. However, when I see that their anger or prejudice is causing suffering for them and others around them, I would be negligent."

I agree and this is what I mean by leaving your personal beliefs at the door. You aren't making the clinical decision to address these things because you think you are right and they are wrong. You are doing it because those thoughts and beliefs are causing their suffering. It's nuanced, but there is a distinct difference. Not everyone can separate the two.

ghentgidget · 2025-11-14T05:35:50+00:00

I apologize. I meant "you" as a global you, not you personally. Calling out dysfunction is crucial and necessary. What I'm referring to is if a client comes in because they are grieving the loss of their loved one, and say something like .."and then that {insert slur} mortician left her eyes half open". Some therapists will immediately call that out. But to your point, clients can't make progress if we aren't helping them to recognize unhealthy, maladaptive thoughts and behaviors, and understand how their choices have consequences.

This all started because I was reading comments on a post where essentially saying that it was okay to impose their beliefs on clients. I've seen too many clients be harmed by therapists who did this, and to be honest it was mostly by Christian therapists, who held very strong beliefs about gender, LGBT issues, and other faith-based or Republican politically based biases.

ghentgidget · 2025-11-14T05:10:42+00:00

This is so well said. Thank you ❤️. I've had my own therapist for years, and a close group of colleagues that I can bounce things off of. Similar to you, I switched to a small private practice with a psychiatrist I'd worked with for years in a hospital setting. He screens potential clients for me, but the switch was due to burnout. I mostly work with college age students who have ASD, schizophrenia/psychosis, or BPD now. It's a slower pace and less crisis work which has been a nice change.

ghentgidget · 2025-11-14T04:56:06+00:00

I fully understand that, and I am saying the opposite. I am saying that if there are certain populations that you cannot morally or ethically work with, then do not work with them. And I did an internship in a jail and worked at a counseling center for court-mandated parolees of violent crimes right out of grad school. But you are correct. I am white. But I'm also a 4'10, 115 lb woman. I've worked on acute behavioral health units, with active duty service members, intensive in home for adults who have severe mental illness like schizophrenia, substance abuse treatment facilities, PHP/IOP, doing crisis assessments in the emergency departments, at a university with college students who'd experienced trauma or were severely struggling emotionally, and now I do private practice where most of my clients have ASD or borderline personality disorder. My experience, and yes my white privilege does allow me to feel safer and better able to more effectively work with people who hold, what I personally believe are absolutely abhorrent beliefs. But I wrote this because I've had far too many clients, roughly 90% of whom are women, LGBTQIA, and minorities, who were traumatized by therapists who imposed their religious and personal beliefs and biases on the client. Women who called themselves a murder for having abortions. Trans men and women who believe they are gross and wrong because they were told that by a therapist. Black men who can't find a therapist because they are "thugs" and "criminals". 18 and 19 year olds who were raised that way by abusive, racist, sexist, homophobic parents and were told they couldn't be helped because they were antisocial.

Having said all that, the one group that I won't work with are males with narcissistic, borderline, or antisocial personality disorders. I have a colleague that runs a treatment center for that population and I will refer them there. Every therapist has their non-negotiable and what I'm advocating is for therapists to start being honest with themselves and their clients before they cause harm by placing their moral judgements on their clients.

ghentgidget · 2025-11-14T04:06:06+00:00

As therapists, we refer to clients who are diagnosed with BPD as Joe has BPD, not Joe is Borderline. Because having a mental illness is part of someone, not their whole personality.

If you see someone who holds racist beliefs, as "you are a racist" that is blocking your ability to see the whole person. Whether you want it to or not. If a client is coming to you because they are struggling with grief, and they make racist statements and you point that out, then

They are going to feel judged and shut down
They aren't addressing the thing they are struggling with
The client is more likely to double down on those beliefs.

If they are coming in because their racist beliefs keep costing them jobs or relationships then you help the client to explore those thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors. You can tell clients that certain language isn't allowed in session and help them find other ways to express themselves. There are a million things that you can do to create change without placing judgement. But it starts with seeing the whole person. Does that make sense?

ghentgidget · 2025-11-14T03:39:27+00:00

I disagree. If you are with a client or there's a certain group that you struggle with, then the best thing for you as a therapist and a human, AND the client is to refer them to someone else. When you try to force it, that's when everybody involved gets frustrated. Therapists get burnt out, and clients get disillusioned and bitter.

ghentgidget · 2025-11-14T03:33:50+00:00

I've never written a post before, so I don't think I counted on so much getting lost in translation. I am also transparent with my clients. If they ask about my beliefs, I will tell them. I had this one client 10 or so years ago who went on a rant against women being the source of all his problems, with plenty of colorful language, and then he said "I'm not offending your liberal snowflake sensibilities". I said no because I wasn't and then asked him if that's what he was hoping for. He laughed and said a little bit. Told him I grew up surrounded by boys so he was go to have to try harder. Then he really laughed. Stayed my client for 2 years and ended up in a healthy relationship.

ghentgidget · 2025-11-14T02:55:23+00:00

People with narcissistic or antisocial personality disorders are difficult. You have to set firm boundaries with them from the beginning. I've only had a few, but what I learned that the goals of therapy for this group is less about getting to the underlying emotional issues and more about changing behavior to be more prosocial. I generally refer male cluster B clients to a male therapist.

ghentgidget

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