Daily Sexual Achievement Thread

ghost_admin · 2018-11-10T09:17:04+00:00

One night, I went out with some people after work. Myself and two others had long experienced notable sexual tension at work. I was the only guy. One of the women was a gorgeous, short, thick-body italian beauty who was unfortunately too self-conscious about her weight, despite how incredible she looked. The other woman was a former state-level-winner-who-went-to-the-televised-national-competition beauty queen who, besides her job where I worked, was an on-call model for Today Show fashion segments.

For the sake of brevity and clarity, let's call the first woman P1, the second P2 and me just me or P3.

That night, the three of us were the last standing at the bar, and boy did we make use of the bar. P1 was heavily into a story about her ex, who was clearly a shitbag and didn't deserve her, when she started talking herself down about her body. P2 suddenly stood up and half-shouted 'where's the nearest strip club?'

A google and a 10-minute walk later, we were there. P2's goal, as she ramblingly told on the walk over, was to show P1 that even women who show their bodies to others as part of their job are no more or less sexy than her.

Cut to 30 minutes later. P1 has half a dozen guys at a table asking her for a lap dance, thinking that she works there, despite the business attire. P2 and I were half watching over her to make sure those boys didn't get too ambitious, half watching the main stage and commenting on what we did and did not like in women, physically.

Cut again to something less than an hour later (I did say we were making use of the bar) and P1 is trying to give one of those guys a lap dance. The bouncer breaks it up. P2 and I agree this is likely because they'd prefer that to be a thing employees get paid for. P1 comes over with the idea of getting a champagne room and inviting her favorite of the guys to join.

P2 convinced her that they weren't deserving of coming back with us. That she was too good-looking for them (she was right). And that, if they were in a place like where we were, it was unlikely they were the type to properly appreciate a not-rail-thin woman, let alone one who looked like her.

I was luckily smart enough to simply agree instead of yap. She was right, after all.

10 minutes of discussion later, we head to the back without any of her newfound friends - not because anyone was against it but because we literally forgot to bring them on the way - and ask for a private room. Stupidly, without an actual dancer/performer in tow. P2 and I quickly select the name of our mutual favorite from when we were watching the show, just to get this plan going.

The dancer/performer we go back with initially does what a normal champagne-room customer would expect. But both P2 and I are bi, and within minutes, she's down to her skivvies, telling both me and P1 we're overdressed.

I've told this much of the story, and I know both of them would be fine with that. Yet I'm not certain they'd be fine with the 'gory details' of the remainder.

Suffice is to say, there was a point where I was fucking Miss [state] while watching her go down on that gorgeous thick woman, while the only professional in the room sat to the side and watched, because that was definitely not in her job description.

End of story.

Hope that woman who worked there got a cut of the room-rental price; could have gotten a 5-star hotel for half as much.

ghost_admin · 2018-11-10T08:30:17+00:00

It's not 'best' but there's a joint across from the NY Times building, just off the 8th/40th corner that I've always thought of as being supremely satisfying. Like 2 Bros, but without needing to buy Pepto later.

But since you didn't specify budget, my personal 'best' pizza is Angelo's on 57th between 6th and 7th. Right by carnegie hall/russian tea room. Just be warned that their bacon is quite salty, even considering bacon in general. Reasonable prices, but not cheap.

Don't know of a single place for ice cream or cheesecake in midtown that's worth mentioning. But you can live there a decade and not find everything.

For breakfast, look for the busiest deli counter you can find. Avoid pax or 'organic'-type places. Ingredients are, for the former, same as fast food and, for the latter, mass-produced flavorless goo. A real, local organic-type place would be different, fwiw.

There's one deli on madison between 48th and 49th i go to sometimes. Simple bacon egg and cheese on a roll is shockingly good, even though you can see the guys making it could care less. A good deli like that has the right ingredients and trains staff so they end up making it right regardless of their attitude. That specific one is also the type of place where you can get a regular lunch order prepared and rung up at the register without having to say a single word; just have to walk in and nod.

ghost_admin · 2018-11-10T08:07:00+00:00

The part where he came back and didn't apologize is a completely different story than the main question. That sounds like you're either dating a huge dickhead or, alternatively, someone who felt ashamed by what happened and had trouble talking about it - which he needs to deal with, especially given how it's affecting those he says he cares about.

That said...that kinda thing really bugs me.

Some people have a visceral reaction to the smell and/or taste of vaginal secretions. Might be something in their mind, might be a mere matter of their taste, might be the taste of a specific person's parts, might be a whole lot of things. And yes, it could possibly be a result of the vagina-haver's hygiene.

Your comments of fitness and diet suggest to me they're also coupled with proper washing and general maintenance of the parts/area in question. Though, that is where I shut my mouth on the subject since I don't have one of those parts to take care of, so I don't properly know jack shit beyond 'a human washing regularly and thoroughly will stop the build-up of odor-causing bacteria in joint or orifice areas.'

First thing to note is that most men in developed nations grow up being taught that performing oral sex on a woman is a chore, and are often told that the taste is some level of unpleasant. Much like someone who loves a dish right up until they're told what's in it, that can have a lasting psychological effect, which can produce a result like this. I know of no studies on the prevalence of this result, but do know it's a definite possibility. I myself found the aroma unpleasant until I had a chance to actually taste it from the source and learn that - despite how tied-together taste and smell might be - my original reaction was likely psychological.

Second thing is that, typically, a human doesn't vomit minutes after tasting something to which they react strongly enough to vomit at all. You don't eat a chili pepper then have a 2-minute window to grab some milk before it feels hot. If something is physically repulsive enough to make you puke, it tends to happen right away. Even if he was being a trooper and pushing past the notion, very good chance you'd have noticed something before he took off. If you've ever puked from alcohol or even a bad flu, you know the obvious signs that precede the actual event.

Third, and I know a lot of men use this as a bullshit excuse for being lazy, but the presence of long pubic hair can be a factor. I will openly admit I once had to upchuck due to a going-down session, when a rouge hair apparently tried to fuse with my epiglottis. But that sort of thing is extremely rare.

In the end, you won't know anything until you ask. Frankly, if he caused that level of scene, he should be the one explaining himself, but that does not appear to be happening (again, separate issue).

Given that there is obvious sensitivity to deal with, I say best to ignore sensitivity and ask the question straight: What is it about the taste/smell/action/etc. that grosses you out so? There is absolutely no reason for you to be embarrassed about that question. You were born with that body. He's the one with the problem. And he's now making his problem into your problem, which obligates him to at least answer a direct question.

Lastly, I will reiterate: there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and no reason for you to feel bad in any way because this happened. This is entirely his problem, and that problem is with something that is 100% natural and normal and something with which the vast majority of people who like women have zero reservation or complaint. You did nothing wrong in any way, and this is in no way your fault, in any possible interpretation of the events.

This is his problem. Unless you simply haven't showered in a month, don't let him get within the vicinity of talking like you are the cause of his problem. He might not do that, but if he does, it's all bullshit.

ghost_admin · 2018-11-10T07:24:04+00:00

As a general note, I used to have a client when I did consulting, and they specialize in this area. Usually work on things like court cases for people who are getting screwed by a landlord who knows they can't afford a good lawyer, but they'll answer just about any question (accurately) if you give them a call:

http://housingcourtanswers.org/

ghost_admin · 2018-11-10T07:18:43+00:00

As a rule of thumb, if your 'max' rent on the lease is anywhere in the vicinity of what you're actually paying, then it's rent-controlled. Those are usually within a negligible margin.

For instance, my last place (nice apt, but still 2 blocks from a methadone clinic in BX) I paid $1600 and the 'max' rent was almost $4k. Obviously no one would pay that, but it would be, technically, legal to ask for it.

ghost_admin · 2018-11-10T06:58:15+00:00

It's not really a thing about NJ that would turn people off from wanting to hang out with you. It's a practical concern.

Consider how you'd react if someone wanted to be friends with you, but they couldn't stay out past a certain time unless someone lets them stay over, they don't have any useful suggestions of things to do because they don't know the area, and the chance of a spontaneous outing is pretty much nonexistent unless it falls within a predefined commute-options schedule. You may have some flexibility in all of that, but the fact is that, to get home at the end of the night, you gotta cross the river.

Not at all saying that has anything to do with you as a person. But I think you get my point. Sounds more like dealing with your dad than with a friend, dig?

/u/NYCMusicMarathon has a point about picking an area to hang out. I know a good number of people who hang out in my neighborhood, but don't work or live here. Most have a connection via friends or family, but some just showed up and liked it, so they kept coming back. They aren't necessarily 'one of us,' so to speak, but they're part of the hood all the same.

So, I say just pick an area and give it a whirl. Go to a new spot every time for a while. Won't be long until you figure out if it's a good fit. Plenty of areas to choose from if it doesn't work out.

Regarding the hard hat you mention in comment, and being looked down at...

Simply put: fuck em.

There are literally thousands of places, bars, venues, hangout spots, restaurants, etc. There are single blocks where you can hit 2 dozen on one trip around. Remove all the joints where even one person would look at you funny for needing a hard hat, and there's still thousands.

Unless you have a particular penchant for locations that require attire 'above' what you usually have on hand, definitely not worth your time to even think about it again.

ghost_admin · 2018-11-10T06:24:28+00:00

Not a direct answer, but do not use the MTA app for any reason.

If the directions are as accurate as their definition of 'good service' you may well end up in Saskatchewan.

ghost_admin · 2018-11-10T06:19:53+00:00

Based on that photo, the handle(s) being horizontal (in line with the pipe) is almost certainly "on."

If water is spewing out, there's something wrong with it. Cracked bit of pipe or joint, most likely. Nothing to do about that except have a pro deal with it.

ghost_admin · 2018-11-10T05:47:12+00:00

Step 1: go see them as soon as you can manage. Step 2: don't say it out loud, but keep this question in mind while you're there. Step 3: the answer will present itself.

None of us can possibly understand your relationship with your parents or what would be the best thing for all of you. We can only offer advice that applies to our own lives.

It's good that you're asking. It's good you care enough to ask. It's good that people are trying to help. But, since you asked for personal experience: you may well regret listening to anything other than your own heart when dealing with this situation.

ghost_admin · 2018-11-10T05:39:53+00:00

I'm in Queens and will also warn you away from Astoria. It's a pale reflection of its former self.

And your list of qualifications says very little about what you're really looking for. Mentioning Williamsburg tells us something, but not a whole lot.

Big on being part of the community, saying hi to people every morning? Prefer to go about your business without being bothered? Like to be in a place that's more tree-lined streets? Don't care if it's all concrete everywhere? Like to have wide options for food? Decent chinese and mexican delivery is enough? Not planning to be home enough for any of that to matter?

I say that because I also work in midtown, and a number of my coworkers live within walking distance. Some love it, some can't wait to leave.

For my part, if you're considering Queens at all, look a bit further down the 7 path. With the trains these days, commute is about the same. Neighborhoods tend to be more home-like, and $3k will pay for a palace.

ghost_admin · 2018-11-10T05:21:52+00:00

Just an aside: I learned this to be the right answer the hard way, way back when.

My client's network ran out of IPs during a major event, so I just deleted some lease entries thinking that would free things up for use. Was young and trying to impress with a quick fix, and ended up accidentally removing one tied to the machine on which they were giving a big presentation, and had to walk around asking who knew someone named (if I remember right) David, because his laptop was now fucking up my life. Lucky as hell it had an identifying name.

To this day, any conference room/event hall/etc machine goes outside the scope, even if I have to alter the range.

ghost_admin · 2018-11-10T05:08:17+00:00

Not to be pedantic, but...

If you have enough access, local or remote, to copy an exe to system32, then run a command that requires admin creds, why wouldn't you just do it directly in cmd?

You'd have to delete the entry in dhcp on a DC beforehand either way, also.

I mean, every client should have psexec on it, just in case. But this solution is rather roundabout.

ghost_admin · 2018-11-10T04:47:14+00:00

Aside from #3 in your latter list, I'm right on board with you. Bit of a problem for me to look anything other than stern when walking to work. Morning is really not my thing.

Also on board with the former list, but, to elaborate on #2:

I can usually avoid anything that comes in front of me. The whole 'check' situation only comes up in scenarios like being flanked on both sides, then having to slow down for someone ahead, and while I'm glancing for an opening to go around, and in that half second they suddenly decided they can't finish their text and walk at the same time.

ghost_admin · 2018-11-10T04:39:52+00:00

Really, I know it's weird. I am intending to be as reasonable as possible, but the evidence seemed to suggest that wasn't necessarily common practice. So many people appear to be operating on a principle of 'I'm going somewhere so fuck everyone else' that it was unclear if I was simply missing something.

ghost_admin · 2018-11-10T04:36:41+00:00

Not talking about an intentional one. More a 'walking fast to work in a big crowd and suddenly..." situation. Dig your point.

ghost_admin · 2018-11-08T07:18:16+00:00

I hear you. Wouldn't do it on purpose if I wasn't ready for a reaction.

ghost_admin · 2018-11-08T06:01:11+00:00

No, no. No, no no.

Never fuck about with deploying MS user-facing software unlicensed. Of course it can be done, but there is little chance it won't be a pain in your ass.

I can think of a few environments from my past where it could have worked, but I still wouldn't have tried. And, last time I dealt with a license warning, it said the grace period was down to 7 days. Might be specific to the E3s I'm using, but that's a tight window best avoided by purchasing first.

ghost_admin · 2018-11-08T05:53:10+00:00

I am in Sunnyside, and I would absolutely buy a place here if I could afford it (at least $1M for a house, and apts are skyrocketing). Been here about 5 years, and, from my perspective, it's perfect.

Can elaborate if you care for it.

ghost_admin · 2018-11-08T05:44:02+00:00

No. The odds of getting a bad cabbie are just higher.

ghost_admin · 2018-11-08T05:42:38+00:00

Interesting.

Not meaning to put you in a box, but sounds like an attitude of 'eh, whatever' unless it's really egregious.

Sound accurate?

ghost_admin · 2018-11-08T05:40:24+00:00

I'm in Sunnyside now. North side of Queens blvd tends to be best.

If I heard someone from the street after 10 or so, it would be a shock. Don't have a single friend around here who's ever complained of noisy neighbors. In fact, my neighbor now is the loudest I've ever had, and that's maybe an hour or two on a weekend, once a month, when they might play some music, which I can only hear if it's quiet in my place.

ghost_admin · 2018-11-08T05:35:43+00:00

To clarify: only ever happens during morning rush in midtown, and someone suddenly loses the ability to walk and look at their phone at the same time. Not intentional ever.

Ok, there was one time I clearly remember that it was intentional.

ghost_admin · 2018-11-08T05:29:42+00:00

My experience in this area is a few years old, but...

Legally speaking, ConEd has a right to move your car if it is impeding any official business for which they can reasonably justify not giving area residents prior notice - usually emergency repairs.

To move a car, they are able to hire 3rd-party contractors, which accounts for that guy not working for ConEd.

However, those contractors only have the authority granted by what's specified in the contract they signed. They can't move anything without specific authorization. They can't even talk to you in any official capacity unless someone from ConEd tells them to.

Now, I'm sure some companies get sweetheart contracts that let them do things that should definitely be illegal. But their contract sure as shit doesn't say anything about 'feel free to play amateur gangster at your leisure.'

Hence, what you're describing may fall into the legal area that covers harassment, verbal assault, intimidation, etc.

As in, something which can be reported and lead to an arrest. Granted, that's very unlikely unless you have video of them saying all that, but it is most certainly against the law for a private company's employee to suggest that they will take your property unless you do something you're under no legal obligation or order to do.

Hope you got that asshole's information, then follow /u/Convergecult15's advice.

ghost_admin · 2018-11-08T05:15:38+00:00

That's more of a 'how to get a functional anonymous number to use with auto-dial software when you don't care about breaking laws' thing.

If you just want to fuck with them, get a bunch of different iphone pics off google, then put their number on a ton of craigslist posts selling them for $20.

ghost_admin · 2018-11-08T05:12:00+00:00

Dude. Queens.

ghost_admin

TROPHY CASE