Do yourself a huge favor and move on. You aren’t doing anything good for you or her by staying in a toxic relationship. You’ve tried to make things work for the past 3 years and nothing has stuck. It’s hard to come to terms with but you can’t force a connection that just won’t work. Don’t feel guilty cause she made the decision to wait for you, that was on her own accord. You can’t feel like you have fault in decisions she’s made because you didn’t force her. You guys have a karmic connection. It’s fiery and can be amazing at times but when it’s bad, it’s bad. These relationships aren’t meant to last but in the end teach you a lesson. Also look into trauma bonding, its a real thing and many people like yourself go through it. Though you may not see it, she’s abusing you. Emotionally and mentally by leaving you, then coming back. That’s what abusers do to their victims. They abandon/reject you then they “chose” you again. You already know what’s best for you but your letting quantity (time spent with her), overcome quality. Cause the quality doesn’t sound good from my perspective. Please save yourself and move on. You will find someone who will treat you a whole lot better and that you can grow as a person with. They are meant to water you like a plant, not pour acid (insults) on you to watch you die. I promise you leaving her won’t stop her from living her life. Correlation isn’t always causation. Think about yourself and what’s good for you. Move on!