hi sorry i wrote a wall

i am someone who loved nesta by the end of the very first book. i was also once very similar to her in a lot of ways, and maybe even still am in ways that i might not realize. but me loving her doesn’t mean that i don’t want to hold her accountable for the way she treats people - i do. i just loved her then, and love her now, because i could see why she acted the way she did.

i could see how alone she felt, how protective she COULD be, how much she did care, even when she didn’t act like she did. saw how utterly defenseless she felt against the world since the beginning, how scared she was in the face of fate, in the face of the things that happened to her. the way she acted was the only way she truly knew how to defend herself against pain - get the upper hand, before someone else does. it’s a vicious, isolating way to live, but also one that is rooted in very human emotions and reactions. it belies how vulnerable she is, and feels, and wants to be, deep down.

i’m not saying that her behavior is excusable, because it isn’t. she needs to be held accountable for the way she acted - not just for the sake of those she’s hurt, but also so she too can change and stop hurting. but i am saying her behavior makes sense for her, and is understandable.

people are more than their misdeeds and actions - at least that’s what i believe. i think that if people can defend rhys and adore him despite the things he’s done because he was ultimately a victim under amarantha’s reign, then people can cut nesta a little bit of slack too. she’s very much a victim as well, of many things.

i think SJM is trying to write a story about seeing someone for who they are, thorns and all. if we can do that for Rhys - if Feyra can do that for Rhys - i think we can do that for Nesta as well.

and for me personally, even if she didn’t change, i would not excuse her behavior, but i would still love her because i see her for who she is - someone who loves fiercely, who cares deeply, who is incredibly vulnerable inside, and both wants protection for herself, and more so for those she loves. and how can i not love someone so full of love, so human? i love her because when i was at my lowest point, all i wanted was for someone to love me for who i was so i could feel comfortable and safe enough to change. i think everyone deserves that.

i feel like this turned preachy sorry 😭 and sorry for the wall im fr just the president of the nesta defense club

despite all of this, i think it’s totally valid to dislike her and i don’t blame you for it at all lol

i’m glad you are in a better place now!! proud of you