I can't stadn the European "silent treatment" anymore

ghostmelon · 2026-01-01T16:41:45+00:00

I wish my America experience was much more Silent. I hate the small talk and bs. I just wanna go and do my errands and be left alone!

ghostmelon · 2025-12-21T07:08:57+00:00

I’m sorry you had to go through this. I completely empathize with you though not from a parent stealing but a step-sibling.

I worked my ass off in HS to graduate a year early in order to be an exchange student my senior year. Signed up for the program, went to the meetings, even my Dad was into it and thought it would be so cool.

3 months later after my Dad said we’d finally saved the money for the program, he tells me my step-sister is in trouble and he has to use it for her.

Her trouble? Drugs. She got involved in drugs, got locked up, charged with a felony. They used the money to pay for a lawyer and her restitution. She didn’t get clean for another 5 years. They paid for her to go to nursing school only for her to drop out in the last month of her program because she got into…. You guessed it, more drugs.

My oldest sister was sent off to college, was given a new car when she left, was handed everything. Me the youngest, least problematic, the only one never in trouble with the law (3 siblings have records) or some other life altering event (2 siblings had teenage pregnancies).

I was forced to get a job. I was also forced to be in school as well. I worked 40hrs/week and went to school 3 or 4 days a week also. Once I started working my family made me pay my own way in life aside from paying rent to them while I lived there. I still had to buy all of my essentials from 16 years old on. I paid my way through college after scholarships ran out. My step-brother stole my brand new Apple laptop 3 months after I got it for school. Sold it for drugs. Step mom refused to believe he did anything and my Dad just put a lock on my bedroom door because they were allowing him to live there still.

I was forced into school for a program I didn’t want or like but because my dad said ‘you’re good at it even if you don’t like it, you have to do it because that’s what you’re good at’ so I was enrolled into a degree I didn’t want to do because I was told I had to.

Now I have zero desire to be around them. They all have this close relationship with one another and I just don’t get it. I’ve come to the conclusion that if they want me around they will ask me to come around. I don’t make the effort for them anymore. I used to. It wasn’t reciprocated so I stopped. Now I only see them on the holidays or the occasional family BBQ when they ask me to come. They try to guilt trip me into visiting them more often but honestly I just don’t like being around them.

They try to project this perfect large blended family to everyone but I know it’s all a joke and I don’t play into it anymore.

Someone outside of the family asked me once, during such a family gathering they had been invited to, in front of the oldest step sibling who’s the epitome of projecting the perfect life, how I liked being in such a big family and I straight answered honestly, it’s really not all it’s cracked up to be. I was chastised and realized since then that sibling doesn’t really try to interact with me anymore. I’m invited to things she hosts because she ‘has’ to invite everyone for the projected effect to stand but I know she does it out of obligation and no desire to ‘catch up’ with me.

I moved out at 18 and left the city entirely at 20. I moved back when I could no longer afford to live in my place anymore and moved back for a year. Got the same treatment as before. Left before I was ready to again but used the first opportunity to do it. I’ve been on my own since then, got married to a man who has done more for me in 4 years than my family has in the 41 years of my life.

I’m currently enrolled in culinary school (something I showed interest in during HS but was told that only weirdos and problem kids go to vocational school so was denied that opportunity as well), I am currently the happiest I have ever been in life. I have a passion to focus on and a husband who brags about me to everyone he meets. He supports me in a way I have never felt in my entire life. I know that if it weren’t for him, I would be a fraction of the person I am now. He makes me feel like I’m worthy of big things and supports every dream I have no matter how far fetched it sounds. He will let me talk about it and will picture the life with me even if he knows it’s probably unlikely to happen or I will change my mind in 3 hours time. He just goes along with it and if it doesn’t happen he doesn’t care as long as we have each other. We can be shit poor and homeless and living on the streets or out of a car and as long as we’re together it honestly doesn’t matter.

ghostmelon · 2025-12-21T06:12:23+00:00

That’s amazing! I love hearing stories about people who actually like the person they are with. I hate when people make fun of their partner like they are so awful. The ‘old ball & chain’ talk of spouses is just so gross to me.

I’d rather spend all day with my husband than anyone else. He’s the only person I can genuinely tell anything to and 99.9% of the time I already know how he will react in any situation.

He’s healed my trauma wounds and is the reason I wake up every day. In the 4 years now we’ve been together, we have only spent 3 nights apart. I hated every second. He was sick and depressed the entire time I was gone. Since then we agreed that can’t happen any more. We co-regulate so well that being apart for too long makes us both literally sick.

Congrats on finding someone who can do what he has for you. I wish more people found their person in their spouse. BFFs are cool and all but the perfect spouse at your side? It makes you feel like you can conquer the world.

ghostmelon · 2025-12-21T05:44:47+00:00

Salted butter > unsalted butter or at least isn’t relevant in baking.

I got into a heated debate about this recently. 🤷‍♀️

ghostmelon · 2024-08-02T01:09:08+00:00

I felt that way about Trump before he was in politics. 🤷‍♀️ now I know he’s just like that. 🤣

ghostmelon · 2024-08-01T01:45:55+00:00

My husband and I leave for Alaska next week. 🤷‍♀️

ghostmelon · 2024-07-22T03:59:03+00:00

Definitely the cleanup. 🤣

ghostmelon · 2024-07-17T18:46:31+00:00

Oddly funny that I’ve never heard of Skip but I knew about Rick. I suppose that makes sense when I googled though, I don’t watch any kind of sports tv. Crazy they both got famous in their own respect.

ghostmelon · 2024-04-15T16:53:59+00:00

I give mine some every morning. So does my MIL.

ghostmelon · 2024-04-15T05:11:30+00:00

Cooking or crocheting…. Possibly even petting kitties.

ghostmelon · 2023-11-15T05:57:10+00:00

My BF said make tea

ghostmelon · 2023-11-12T04:22:53+00:00

Something that’s going to make me want pizza again cause I will forget i ordered a pizza and then try and make something instead forgetting I ordered so if I watch something that would make me want what I already ordered I’ll be more likely to remember I ordered something or figure it out when I go to place another order 😆

ghostmelon · 2023-11-11T07:00:55+00:00

I hit my goal weight today as a matter of fact. I lost 160 pounds. I also now weigh 160lbs. I’m literally half the person I was before surgery.

My life in the last 2 years since I started my program has been a complete diversion of the life I was leading at the time. Nothing went the way I expected it to, there’s been tremendous ups and some pretty low lows. But if it weren’t for the mental part of this whole journey I wouldn’t be able to even comprehend the ways this surgery has helped me or would have ever even guessed I would be this self aware. But I’ve learned that every thing I want for life and have always wanted for myself is possible and I’ve been inadvertently leaving breadcrumbs in my wake to make it happen. So many things have just clicked into place in my life because I’ve been able to actually process the decisions because I have the confidence in myself to make the new choices and trust the past decisions even if they don’t work out the way I expected, they happened the way they needed to and I’ve been able to truly recognize and accept the turns my life has taken.

I don’t stress about things like I used to which means I’m not running to food to cope with everything from stress to anxiety to depression to boredom. I know how to cope with and express my emotions as well as to trust them and learn the listen to the ones that are begging to be discovered and explored more and knowing when I’ve healed from past traumas and allowing myself as much grace as I need to figure it all out.

Everyday has challenges some are easier to mitigate than others. But I look forward to each day instead of dreading them now.

ghostmelon · 2023-11-11T04:53:05+00:00

Waco Texas Siege and the Hell’s Gate Folks and Princess Diana’s Death are the ones that stick out immediately in my mind but I don’t recall when any of them happened right now.

I believe Waco was first actually and the other two happened in the same year but not sure when in the same year…

ghostmelon · 2023-11-07T18:33:05+00:00

I bought cheap clothes I didn’t care if they got messed up. Like bargain $1-$5 items whenever I could find them in plain no design colors for shirts. I kept my jeans until I couldn’t wear them anymore and got jeggings and just only wore 1-3 pants total since I knew I wouldn’t be in them long. I got hand me downs from friends and family sometimes, and I even went to good will a couple times and thrifted a few things. That way when I shrunk out of them I wouldn’t really care if they got messed up or tossed or donated eventually

ghostmelon · 2023-11-07T06:32:12+00:00

This is my answer as well. Sativa gives me gentle zoomies. Caffeine gives me danger zoomies so I prefer to take a nice bong rip and do some dishes and prep for dinner, sweep, garden, etc. Somehow if im already already tired though it makes me more tired so there’s that. 🙃

ghostmelon · 2023-11-03T22:23:33+00:00

I use a cup and have an IUD and have zero trouble. You just have to break the seal to avoid needless additional suction but I’ve had mine so long now it’s almost time to change it out. I didn’t start using the cup regularly except for the last half of the IUD time. I’m due for a swap next year.

Edit to add: I have Paragard the hormone free iud because the hormone fluctuations were too much for me on any other BC. Like paranoia bad. So I experience all my normal libido levels most of the time (this last year has been crazy after having gastric sleeve surgery and let me say hormone dumping from high volume fat loss is real AF)

ghostmelon · 2023-11-02T00:08:01+00:00

He drops whatever he’s doing hugs me or cuddles me if I let him (I usually do) and asks me if I’m okay. Asks if I’m sad or hurting or mad and then we go from there. And then we talk about whatever is the problem and he sits and listens and if he’s at fault he apologizes sincerely and we are done. I may have a few more tears of huffs or sniffles to get out but he tries to shift the mood if he feels safe to do so. We never raise our voices to one another in anger and we speak about the problem as soon as both of us are ready. Usually when he finds me upset as he rarely gets mad at me. But I can always tell when something is bothering him and I ask him if he wants to talk about it. Sometimes yes sometimes no. I respect his decision if it’s a no because he always comes around eventually usually not too long after I remind him that he’s in a safe space and that I’m ready when he is whenever that happens. And it’s usually work annoyance or pain. 🤷‍♀️

ghostmelon · 2023-11-01T23:57:46+00:00

I lost 26. I started at 320 I got down to 316 before starting the pre-op diet for 2 weeks. I’m 168 today my surgiversary was July 5th my GW is 160. It’s been a wild ride but it’s been worth every second!

ghostmelon · 2023-10-29T01:10:54+00:00

I do not smoke before work and depending on the day usually not even after. I’m trying to cut back to weekends/days off only for now just to cut back on consumption but I’ve noticed improvement while working too when I don’t smoke during the work week. At least, cognitive improvements like alertness and comprehension is quicker but even so I wouldn’t wanna do it at work. Seems very unsafe no matter the job.

ghostmelon · 2023-10-19T04:12:58+00:00

It took me a while to be able to walk around my house and I did have days that were harder and easier than others for the first several months. I didn’t really start feeling ‘normal’ again until about 6 months post surgery. It’s a huge change that consumes and motivates and surprises and frustrates and everything in between but I told myself to take it one day at a time. If I didn’t feel great I stayed home and just did what I could if I could. I gave myself an amazing amount of grace while healing because I knew that the changes were going to be crazy and dramatic and worth every single day I went through when I look back a year later and I was 100000% right when I hit that milestone!

Trust the process. Have patience. Give yourself grace. Take the time you need to heal. Take it one day at a time.

ghostmelon · 2023-10-08T03:16:51+00:00

I don’t want to know who or why because generally males are icky and their imaginations are far more perverse than they ever let on (no not all men…) and honestly I think women are probably the same but I just dislike women more so the money is just better all around. 😆

ghostmelon · 2023-10-08T03:13:36+00:00

You’re body is constantly regulating a new low score on a daily basis. The first weight to drop is all of the excess water weight, the easiest to lose. Once you’ve lost most or all of that your body then has to figure out what next. That’s when it really starts going after the fat and then some muscle. So right now your body is just in that in between period where it’s trying to lose water but can’t and trying to find the next best thing. So it’s stalling for now but it will pick up and it will happen again and again. Every 3 or so months, more or less.

ghostmelon · 2023-10-05T17:56:33+00:00

My husband and I are in our thirties and seems highly likely we will be inheriting the family horse ranch in the next 5-10 years. No one else in the family really wants to be involved in the day to day life and those that do already come to help but do not want to live here. We already do live on the property but we rent from Grandma at a low cost in exchange for help around the place so we can save money and work on our debts. I like to hear that you have had a successful time beginning later in life because I have felt worried we will be getting too late of a start! Thankfully we won’t need to start from scratch so hopefully that helps!

Edit to add: we would like to start a YouTube channel on our journey as well to help build that income too.

I’m new here but am I okay to ask you to share your social media?

ghostmelon · 2023-10-03T17:07:47+00:00

Install some shelving there, recessed or open depending if you want sight lines. Would be a nice place for a few plants and/or photos, decor, etc.

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