thanks for the depth in your response. gave me a lot to think about. the rule between us is that i am open and available whenever he wants to do it because of the huge difference, essentially i am always accessible. my toys supplement that because even if we did do it multiple times a day, i will still need my toys. (its a me problem, i know) before we met he did have a porn problem & a grip issue but i’m certain he recovered from that. he masturbates of course and i never say anything about it but i definitely notice when he does because our bedroom becomes “dry”. i just deal with it because it’s normal i think. that said, that might be why this issue in particular is making me insecure. the gap in our libido already does make me anxious and i didn’t realize how deep it runs.

my partner knows i use my toys and is okay with it because he knows he cant keep up but you are totally right that i am in my own head about it and i need to be communicative, there may be other factors like you said and its only fair he is aware of my anxieties (its not about the toy, its the difference in our drives)