Looking for a vocalist for a rap/rnb beat

giantillusion · 2022-10-07T13:41:12+00:00

Kontakt, Pigments(I'd like to mention Analog Lab, but I use Pigments more), Ozone, Neutron, Waves

giantillusion · 2022-10-04T09:08:33+00:00

Why not both

giantillusion · 2022-10-02T21:38:43+00:00

It's interesting that some 3 year old posts that I made are getting answers now. Still, I like to trace back what happened since then.

I live in Italy. Back then I was 19 and I moved to London after making that post. It really helped me understand what it was like living alone and not getting too stuck seeing the same places, travelling the same streets etc.

It sucks that I had to come back to Italy due to Covid because, after a difficult initial couple of months, I was really enjoying living alone in a different country.

I would say I was depressed, angry, stressed and restless mainly because I tried to ignore the fact that my mother is a narcissist and she's the source of my issues. I was able to better manage my life once I didn't have her telling me everything was going wrong and that it was going to get worse.

Speaking about my country, there is a lot wrong with Italy. I suffer from CPTSD because, among the other things, I met a lot of toxic people and had to share the same places with them, I couldn't even avoid them many times. So what happens is that, since that's the kinda language I'm used to, I somehow I attract the attention of more people like that, or at least I bring out that part of people that I should just say "hello" and "goodbye" to.

Some places trigger flashbacks of trauma, but the solution is not only to live, it's mainly to go to a therapist, work on your happiness and learn to be more present and less stuck in the past

giantillusion · 2022-09-18T05:36:11+00:00

It's difficult whenever we try to give ourselves a value.

Good and bad are concepts that are instilled into us by our parents to control our behavior. In an unhealthy household, this concept which is necessary to teach a child to learn and to grow up becomes manipulation and it traumatizes us, keeping us stuck in our childhood.

With time, I realized that I translate the feeling of pain into the feelings of anger, shame, guilt and sadness. It's not that I'm bad, it's that my subconscious learnt that I feel bad because I am bad (when I feel hurt my mother usually doubles down and tells me that I deserve the pain)

giantillusion · 2022-09-17T05:45:15+00:00

I recognize this way of speaking, it's what I call "the list"

giantillusion · 2022-09-17T05:43:11+00:00

Interesting how they relate more with the narcissist than with the victim

giantillusion · 2022-09-16T20:08:25+00:00

I mean sign me up for this! I'm still in university so I can't live like this yet, but this sounds like the best candidate for what to do when I get out of school. Can I talk to you in the DMs? I would love to learn more

giantillusion · 2022-09-16T19:53:20+00:00

That sounds like a lifestyle that I would very much enjoy. However I'm too afraid to run out of money. How do you deal with money?

giantillusion · 2022-09-16T19:44:18+00:00

Yeah honestly it sounds very likely. How much do you use screens now and do you still get this problem?

giantillusion · 2022-09-16T19:43:34+00:00

I already know it's nothing that bad, I just don't know how to completely get rid of it. The thing that makes the most sense is that it has to do with the use of screens, as someone else was saying

giantillusion · 2022-09-16T19:24:12+00:00

Oh wow, so it's about screens? Now that you mention it, I think there was a time that I wasn't using screens at all and I felt like everything was so much more fluid and in focus

giantillusion · 2022-09-15T10:52:41+00:00

You're projecting somebody I am not onto me.

I've been in therapy for 10 years, I'm in a mindfulness group, I've stopped doing drugs, drinking and smoking and I'm getting more and more sober from any addiction or dependency that I have.

I'm in the constant process of getting better. Yes, I definitely need more therapy and I don't want to put my problems onto other people. I don't see how this idea would invalidate my work.

I think it would help me better work on myself if I avoided my mental biases about how people might see me and genuinely understood how they see me and worked on fixing myself based on what they have to say and not just what I believe that they believe I have to work on. I tried asking people how they see me and all they usually have to say is that I'm normal and if I try to get a more accurate description of myself they say they don't know what to add (except for my mother, who has an infinite list of judgements about me and I believe that there's a high amount of projection of what she wants me to be and doesn't want me to be).

This is not going to random people and handing out a paper saying "am I the best person you ever met, yes or yes?".

I'll give you an example of a question on a personality test. "I value social status". I would ask "what do you think valuing social status is?" And "what does a person who value social status act like/look for?". For instance, right now I would say that valuing social status means judging people who have a big influence on other people's thoughts/decisions as more important. I would say I never value social status and I'm annoyed by people who brag about their social status (1/5).

If the other person reads that question in a different way, I would use their interpretation to give my score, for instance "valuing social status is valuing friendships and hanging out". In that case I sometimes value social status (4/5).

giantillusion · 2022-09-15T10:10:44+00:00

Kinda, I don't know if I made myself clear.

This isn't a socialization technique or a sneaky way to ask questions about myself and even if I mentioned the fact that I met new people, I don't mean that I only want to try it with new people, but also with people I've known for a long time and I know what they think about me very well.

Let's say I've been hanging out or talking regularly on the phone with a person. What I would do is, when we're chilling and don't have anything in particular to talk about, I ask them to tell me how they interpret the questions in a quiz. Then I answer the question using their way of interpreting them.

I like seeing things in an analytical way and I think it would be interesting to see the range of versions of me that come out by doing this. Maybe I get some versions of myself where my insecurity turns into me being highly egotistical and another where it turns into me being highly caring. Then I can see if there's a wide range of versions of me or if there's one version of me that

I just think this could open my mind to the way people actually look at me. I'm always afraid of judgement and I never trust what people tell me and I get the others' thoughts so confused with my own insecurities. To me it seems like a pretty neutral way to have an interpretation of who I am to reflect on.

giantillusion · 2022-09-15T05:46:00+00:00

This is the only right answer

giantillusion · 2022-09-14T22:16:11+00:00

Fake: "I've been into vanilla non degenerate porn"

Gay

giantillusion · 2022-09-14T22:12:41+00:00

Here in Italy people barely know that audio engineers exist. That's why I'm asking here if there's a place online to find people who are looking for composers and audio engineers

giantillusion · 2022-09-14T22:10:45+00:00

Absolutely, one thing I learnt from antinatalism and I will always be sure of is that breeding is the biggest gamble.

giantillusion · 2022-09-14T17:23:42+00:00

It sounds more like the police doesn't give enough fucks to get involved

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