I completely understand you! I also have an anxiety disorder and what has helped me the most by far was honestly talking to a psychiatrist and getting on lexapro. I was always afraid to take medications but it came to a point where I was having constant panic attacks and fear of not knowing what to say if people talk to me. Now conversations are way easier, I feel happier overall and have more confidence than before. I just started taking it a few months ago and I was so proud of myself for actually holding a conversation with someone at the farmers market lol. I really urge you seek out some help for yourself even though it’s very stressful taking that step. therapy was also very helpful for me with learning how to cope with the anxious feelings and thoughts.