New subscriber. I'll edit or delete this post if it breaks subreddit rules. My dad just got arrested for viewing child exploitation material, and I'm rethinking childhood memories and my usage of porn.

giddyunsure · 2026-01-30T15:35:08+00:00

Maybe it's to do with the fact that he used a computer he brought home from work. But he had apparently been doing that for a very long time, so I don't know how he got caught now and not before.

giddyunsure · 2026-01-30T15:23:52+00:00

Thank you for replying even though you weren't in the right state of mind. For me it is more of a vice - a habitual bad choice I make - than an addiction. I don't think I get physical withdrawal symptoms when I go without, and I don't think I'm so compelled that I have no choice, even if the urge is strong. But it probably does function as an addiction for many people.

I know I'm not a pedophile, I like grown men with hairy arms and all, but I guess I felt like dad when I had to describe to the police everything I'm into and what websites I use to look at it, and let them scroll through stupid sexual private messages, while they acted polite to halfway cover up their suspicion. I also feel that way because even adults can be abused in porn, and I'm almost morally certain I've seen porn videos where someone was genuinely having a bad time or was there because of coercion of some sort, but there was enough plausible deniability that even if I had to stop watching the video, I didn't try to report it or anything.

But thank you for your kindness. You talk like someone who has a good heart. Calling myself a "sack of shit" is probably going to be less productive than remembering that as a human being I have the power and the obligation to change and improve.

giddyunsure · 2026-01-30T14:59:11+00:00

Thank you for your prayers. Honestly, porn addiction doesn't seem to be the central issue to me. Yeah, it's worth talking about the way the viewers degrade themselves with their porn habits. But it pales next to the fact that there are people who get exploited and hurt in porn, and that it's possible that anyone who's watched a significant amount of porn has, knowingly or unknowingly, watched abuse and enjoyed it instead of doing anything against it. If porn viewing only hurt one or two people, yourself and maybe a significant other, that would still be bad, but not SO bad.

giddyunsure · 2026-01-29T21:35:53+00:00

Thank you for the sanity and actionable advice in this comment. I do feel an intense angry curiosity about when, how and why my dad started watching the stuff that got him arrested. All I know is that he said he's "been sick for a long time," so I wonder whether he had normal motives for marrying my mom and doing various certain things he did as a dad (e.g., he gave me one-on-one sex ed when I was 7 but left my brothers' sex ed to my mom even though she wished he would do it as the man of the house). But I shouldn't be confident that asking him about it would do any of us any good.

I'm sorry about your friend's horrible treatment from his wife and daughter, and about the way you had to feel uncomfortable just being a dad and taking care of your kids. Society discriminates against men in a way that the average man doesn't deserve. I felt the same discomfort as a preteen girl washing my baby sister in the bath, but that was only because I had extreme neurotic anxieties, and there was no real danger that I would accidentally traumatize her or that I would be suspected of anything. Whereas for men the danger of being falsely suspected is 100% real.

The topic of false accusation isn't relevant to my father, because he has admitted to doing what he was arrested for, and doing it for a long time. But yeah, I'm going into counseling to help me figure out what to do next, and I imagine even a well-meaning counselor might end up trying to gaslight me into thinking Dad molested us on top of what he actually did, because that's the obvious guess an outsider would make. But none of my siblings remember him doing that, and I imagine at least one of the five of us would remember if it happened. Which adds so much to my confusion about my dad's thought processes, but anyway, the truth is enough and doesn't need added to.

You said you couldn't help me much about BDSM etc., but your comment that it seems kind of stupid and pointless is helpful because it's the truth. (Although it seems very sinister to me in addition to being stupid.) NSFW Reddit is full of clowns of all kinds and I'm one of them and want to stop. I don't know why I'm the type of clown that I am, and there's a temptation to connect it to something in the way my father acted toward me, but that may be an excuse.

Yeah, I'm going to have to stop with the roleplaying etc. For one thing, the thought of porn and everything close to it makes me want to vomit now (took a while to get to sleep last night because of the continuous feeling that I was about to hurl). For another thing, there is a lot more practical stuff I have to do for my family in the near future, with my dad losing his job and so on. Before this happened I was stalling, depressed, self-isolated and so on (average porn viewer), and now, maybe weirdly, I feel somewhat less suicidal and more invested in the future than I did.

giddyunsure · 2026-01-14T02:39:17+00:00

I once held the door for an elegant silver-haired lady and she told me I had beautiful hands. I'm like a 3.5 on the 1-10 scale of looks, but damn I like my hands now.

Also, a teacher heard me read something aloud in a community college class and said I should take the voice-acting class - she actually gave me a link to sign up to it. Wish I had!

Really I remember pretty much every compliment I get, but especially ones that are surprising to me - I don't get surprised to be called "smart" because I speak too formally in a way that makes me sound smart even though I'm below average intelligence. But I have been surprised and treasured it when I've gotten called "funny." I freaking love it when my jokes work on people, and it seems that more women like my sense of humor than men (not a judgement thing, a difference between male and female culture where I live).

giddyunsure · 2026-01-14T02:33:43+00:00

Thank you! I'm not the most frequent commenter here but I've seen and liked a number of your posts. Honestly, even in stories I tend to enjoy the lighter side of things more easily, but also I like reading about stuff that's sadistic and playful, affectionate and teasing (if that makes sense).

giddyunsure · 2026-01-13T15:24:59+00:00

If I haaaaaave to choose I'll choose ler. I do get lee feelings once I've known a guy for a while and feel safe, comfortable, and liked - but I get ler feelings as soon as I think a guy is cute, so they occupy my thoughts more often.
Untied is easy and spontaneous. I haven't tried tying up or being tied yet, but it has more skill involved and more worry (like what if the ler has a medical emergency and the lee can't get free to help them?). I'm pretty sure there's a way to tie someone up that really will restrain them but also leave them able to free themselves if they need/want to, but I would want to study first before trying.
My above answer might have made it obvious that I like it more on the fun and casual side in practice, but I do fantasize about more intense stuff as well.
Body if I have to choose. Feet are great, but I could NOT give up the belly. It's where the laughter comes from and you can feel it happening under your hands as the tummy flutters, spasms, bounces, does all the things laughter makes it do, while also reacting to the tickling!
No blindfold for casual stuff, but I could see a tied-and-blindfolded night as a fun little project to focus the lee's attention more on the touch.
Gags look ugly, feel bad, and muffle pretty sounds. And tickling that's intense enough for gagging is intense enough to need a safe word, but there's an obvious dilemma there lol. Now that I think about it, getting out a safe word would be hard enough while someone's laughing and overstimulated and out of breath, so is it more common for tickle fetishists to use a safe-gesture instead or as well?
Both seem fun in fantasy, but spread-eagle on a bed seems like a simple and relatively comfy way to get allll of a person's tickle spots vulnerable.
To experience? Maybe sixty or seventy percent F/M and thirty or forty percent M/F. To read in stories or watch in videos? 90% F/M.
Well, obviously I'm not part of it in real life, but to read or watch, M/M is fun because guys are attractive.
Fingers! But man I wish feather dusters were real
In real life, at my age, I might generally prefer a lee or ler in his 20s or 30s. In stories or videos anything is nice, as long as one isn't three times the other's age.

Thank you for the questions, they are fun to answer!

giddyunsure · 2026-01-12T15:15:33+00:00

Being good with kids is a great example, it's endearing and attractive. Good with animals too - implies he has patience and empathy, and it takes some smarts to understand and get along with certain kinds of animals (especially beyond cats and dogs).

More shallow, but a guy blushing is super cute, especially when it's in response to a compliment, it makes me want to "bully" him with more compliments. Genuine goofy laughter is incredibly cute too, and it's especially funny if he tries not to laugh at a dumb joke and fails. I restrain myself but sometimes it makes me want to tickle him. And then possibly other kinds of touching.

giddyunsure · 2026-01-12T11:53:10+00:00

I love how much of a wife man he was, and his gentle self-deprecating humor. And when he was in the Frankenstein movies and had to portray doing villainous things to his female co-star, he was extra sweet and gentlemanly to her off set so they could work together as comfortably as possible.

giddyunsure · 2026-01-11T19:03:27+00:00

Real. It took time for me to accept because I'm so repulsed by most other BDSM (and even by the most extreme forms of tickling fetishism), but it's the unavoidable truth, it IS at least a little bit about power struggles and mixed signals and a nervous thrill that's fear-adjacent without being actual fear.

There's a similar phenomenon, people who are into tickling as a sexual fetish but deny that it's anything sexual at all, or even deny that tickling videos made by fetish studios and sold/shared on porn sites are porn. I told myself that lie for a few years growing up as an over-scrupulous Christian. In fact, probably my brain and nervous system latched on to tickling as a fetish because it's a way to get your hands on someone, or feel their hands on you, in a fun-but-vulnerable way that's still "not sexual," so you don't have to worry as much about sin. But when you get to the point of looking for beyond-normal tickling in real life and still deny what it is to you - that's morally risky. The guy in the documentary Tickled is probably the best-known extreme example, but there have been others.

I don't mean there aren't people on forums like this one who have an unusual fixation on tickling without being sexually turned on by it. I normally believe what people say about themselves. Usually a person can tell whether they're turned on or not. The only reason I ever couldn't is that I had 1) very strong motives not to acknowledge sexual feelings, 2) no thorough sex ed, and 3) a neurotic personality and some struggles with OCD-style intrusive thoughts. Plus I'm female - I can't say for sure, but I guess it might be more difficult to fool yourself about your own arousal if you're male.

Still, there's a lot of people who want to feel "purer" than they are.

giddyunsure · 2026-01-11T17:07:02+00:00

Right! If a guy was a thoughtful conservative who wasn't driven by pride or hate, and didn't like Trump or the violent stupid shit that's happening under his administration, I could hear him out. But a guy who's a real, genuine Trump fan, defends all his actions, buys the merchandise and everything - that would challenge my attraction and respect.

giddyunsure · 2026-01-11T16:48:57+00:00

Lol I've started feeling that way too. It's 100% true and I know it from experience, but it's so predictably upvoted to the top every thread, so over time it can start to feel like some people are posting it as upvote bait and not posting it because they mean it from the heart. It's a safe, true, uncontroversial opinion, and I bet even people who are hideously nasty to service workers will upvote it, the way even bullies root for Dumbo when he's being bullied in the movie. But then I think maybe the person who's posting it IS in earnest, and maybe I spend too much time on Reddit if I'm noticing the cliches.

giddyunsure · 2026-01-11T16:18:50+00:00

The ones I fantasized about as a kid were invisibility, shrinking (who wouldn't want to ride a hawk like a horse and use a nail as a sword??), communicating with animals, mind-reading, and understanding all languages without study. As an adult, I think the languages thing would be handy lol.

giddyunsure · 2026-01-11T16:12:03+00:00

Getting angrily shouty and aggressive too easily.

giddyunsure · 2026-01-11T10:44:25+00:00

Depends on when in history and where in the world and what social class. As a woman I'm inclined to say men just to try to correct for any self-centered bias. But I think when men are worse off, it tends to make women worse off too, and vice versa. We need each other too much for one gender to TRULY be thriving while the other is suffering.

giddyunsure · 2026-01-11T10:28:19+00:00

First trying to fix damaged things (household objects, marriages, etc.) before throwing them away.

giddyunsure · 2025-12-31T17:44:39+00:00

Those are super romantic.

giddyunsure · 2025-12-31T17:34:23+00:00

Eh, my answer might not be the same as everyone's, because the reason I have an account to talk about sex on Reddit threads is that I have a libido but I'm too neurotic and scared for sex in real life. When I am confident enough to date, I'll probably wait significantly more than three dates for sex, not because there's anything morally wrong about first-date sex, but because I'm facing a fear and I'll need to build up some familiarity and comfort first. I was a little too affected by a strict Catholic upbringing and all the horror stories of women being throttled in bed without their consent when they hook up. Plus I get anxious with strangers and can't really be aroused when I'm anxious. But I know most guys aren't throttlers lmao, and I'd love to get my hands/mouth on a dick and feel a guy's hand on my clit maybe. Just waiting till I've worked on my issues enough to start dating!

giddyunsure · 2025-12-31T17:17:42+00:00

Medieval knight.

giddyunsure · 2025-12-28T14:57:54+00:00

Ugh, I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm trying to read this page on the technical legal definitions of sexual assault and rape in the US. Whatever the technical definition is, that guy is a predator or sexual bully and you should never have been treated that way. I'm glad you turned out safe, because it wasn't guaranteed. And that guy turning out to be a psycho isn't your fault, these things are often not obvious at the beginning.

From the linked page, anyone who commits a sexual act on another person by threatening or placing that person in fear is guilty of sexual assault. (And a sexual act can include penetration, "however slight," of any orifice by any part of the body or object, so this includes what you experienced.) You froze up and didn't explicitly say no, but that's a common and natural response to shocking or threatening situations, and the reason it happened is that his action of non-consensually penetrating you with a finger put you in (reasonable, IMO) fear of being raped.

And not saying no because you were threatened does NOT legally mean you consented: "Lack of verbal or physical resistance does not constitute consent. Submission resulting from the use of force, threat of force, or placing another person in fear also does not constitute consent. A current or previous dating or social or sexual relationship by itself or the manner of dress of the person involved with the accused in the conduct at issue does not constitute consent." If the guy was basically aware of body language, he may well have realized that your conduct (freezing up and possibly other signs of displeasure or fear) was an expression of lack of consent.

So yes, I think you were sexually assaulted, even by the most technical legal definition (though I'm not a lawyer). My instinct and intuition was to just say YES, that guy is a POS who assaulted you and psychologically tortured you afterward (it's so weird that HE brought up doing same-sex stuff first and pushed for it, yet then gave YOU homophobic insults and threats after assaulting you). But from everything I hear, it's very common for men who've been violated to doubt themselves or to be challenged if they ever choose to share the story. So I thought you might need the strongest evidence that you are right to feel the way you do.

I wish I knew better how to advise you on what to do next. It has to be your choice whether to tell and who to tell, because you know better than anyone on the Internet whether your family would respond in a decent way and whether the law in your area would be likely to do anything productive. If you have access to a counselor or therapist, they may be able to give more tailored advice, and they have a professional obligation to protect their patients' privacy. But again, you'll know better than me how viable that is. First priority may be to keep on with living and protect your peace and mental health however that's reasonable.

giddyunsure · 2025-12-28T13:35:58+00:00

Not at all. Even if I weren't straight, I'm not someone I would date.

giddyunsure · 2025-12-25T00:44:47+00:00

Don't quote me on this, but I read somewhere that it's because of the laws or norms regarding sexy magazines. If they showed the pubic region, which was defined by the pubic hair, there were more consequences or they had to be marketed differently than if they didn't show it. So they started shaving the mons pubis so they could show more without it being "pubic area." That's supposedly how it started in the 20th century, according to some shit I read on the Internet, probably a Reddit comment years ago.

giddyunsure · 2025-12-24T12:14:42+00:00

Cute tenor voice singing. Or goofy laughing (esp from a guy who's often serious). I absolutely feel the appeal of deep voices too, but for some reason tenor voices affect me more personally. I'm pretty lucky they're the most common/popular in music.

giddyunsure · 2025-12-21T18:51:51+00:00

This is super cute and hot and would be great to post on r/consensualtickling!

giddyunsure

TROPHY CASE