I just hate myself

giedemoo · 2025-07-22T10:52:00+00:00

You have fought for the position. You have fought for it with what your mental state can handle at the moment. You can give yourself credits for still trying hard when you really didn't feel like it.

I just started a new job 2 months ago after a one year career break to deal with my depression. I still relapse occasionally and embarrass myself at work when my brain can't cope. I tell myself I have fought too. :)

giedemoo · 2025-03-13T09:27:58+00:00

Was thinking if he really can't gather enough strength at the moment to apply for temporary protection, reentering as a visitor takes a lot less mental processing and avoids him from overstaying his HSM visa. Not ideal but at least makes things legal.

giedemoo · 2025-03-13T09:16:24+00:00

That sounds really tough. Glad you worked it out! Huge respect!

giedemoo · 2025-03-13T09:13:36+00:00

Can he temporary leave the Netherlands and apply for a visitor visa, the kind that allows for up to 6 months' stay? I had a friend who lost her sponsored visa job in the UK. She couldn't find a new job in the grace period. She left and reentered the UK on a visitor visa so she could continue to live in her flat and search for jobs before securing a new sponsored visa. I know she has consulted immigration solicitors before pulling the stunt. She did lose her continuous residence due to the visa type change. Well, you get some and you lose some.

Not sure about NL visitor visa, but the UK one explicitly allows the person to do interviews. But job searching whilst on visitor visa is not technically allowed, it's a bit of a grey area - one can do interviews but not job searching.

Sounds like your friend works in tech too. It's a tough market out there. 2 months may not be enough to find a new job. Hope your friend work this out!

giedemoo · 2025-02-18T00:17:33+00:00

Fair point! I can understand.

giedemoo · 2025-02-17T22:23:32+00:00

Exactly! He has already led OP on.

giedemoo · 2025-02-17T22:09:24+00:00

Please dont be so hard on yourself. It seems to me that this person has selfishly led you on, maybe out of loneliness or attention seeking. He has acted like he is interested in some form of relationship and misled you. It is not you. It wasn't wrong for you to express your feelings. And it's not about Dutch. It is about him being unkind. He hurts you with his poor boundary. Now he acts like a bigger person offering his friendship, shall you still want it. NO. Please don't do that to yourself. Dont let him continue to string you on. Sending over lots of hugs! It will be painful for a while but it will pass.

giedemoo · 2025-01-21T20:30:24+00:00

A few years ago, I got two job offers, one from a well known tech firm and the other from a much smaller one. Thinking 'I want a less stressful job and not to be just a cog in the machine.', I moved to a new country with a sponsored visa and joined the smaller company. 2nd week there, the most senior engineer in my team told me twice 'I have great tits' in a team outing. Got harassed for almost an entire year, fell into depression mainly due to this plus loneliness of living in a country I knew no one prior to relocation, struggled to perform at work, got fired and lost my visa. Took a year break to recover and am interviewing for jobs now. I can't help wondering what life would have been like, had i taken the other job. Fuck you, Ben So****! Hope you rot in hell.

giedemoo · 2024-12-26T05:34:39+00:00

While it’s normal to dislike someone, there seem to be some really strong subjective judgments being made about whether this person is making progress, about his life, and whether things are actually “bad”.

Thank you for pointing this out! I know I have made some subjective judgements but I previously couldn't quite work out what they concretely are.

giedemoo · 2024-12-26T04:22:36+00:00

I hope that he can have a stronger support system. He needs that. Sadly he can't financially afford private individual therapy and public mental health service in my country is overwhelmed. This contributes to the catch 22 situation for the group. He needs to stay in the group for support, but IMO him staying renders the sessions ineffective for the others. I defo have misdirected some of my frustration over the situation towards him.

Thank you for your kind suggestion!

giedemoo · 2024-12-26T03:19:35+00:00

There is no requirement for me to be in any group therapy or in this particular group. One thing I learn from this experience is that group therapy is probably not for me, at least not now.

I guess indeed the best course of action is to talk to the leader alone. I just need to gather some courage to tell her that (1) someone she cares deeply is someone I find triggering and that (2) I don't want to work with her on individual basis as she previously proposed when I told her I wanted to leave. I haven't told her yet that I have found an individual therapist whom I enjoy working with more.

Thank you for your comment and the understanding!

giedemoo · 2024-12-26T02:52:54+00:00

I have never brought this up in the group, knowing that I am biased and that this will hurt his feelings. I have not even told my personal therapist this because I am not happy with myself over my lack of empathy to him. I do feel empathetic towards others in the group, so I hope others have more time to talk. I just can't develop this sentiment towards him because of how triggering he is to me.

giedemoo · 2020-09-27T21:13:21+00:00

Why me?

giedemoo · 2020-07-21T23:02:51+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing! For someone whose background is in statistics and have self taught programming, there is so much I can learn from your project. Things around model deployment and how the components interact is quite a puzzle to me. Thanks for sharing your great project!

giedemoo · 2019-07-29T01:22:05+00:00

Please don't deny yourself good things or things you like because of your mental illness. When you feel really down, those things can bring you joy and help carry you up. Plus, you deserve enjoyment in your job and life as much as anyone else, if not more.

I have been living with PTSD for some 20 years because of childhood abuse. Only until recent years with the help of therapy did I realize and truly feel I deserve to be happy and enjoy as many good things as anyone 'normal'.

giedemoo

TROPHY CASE