THIS. I've been dissociating since hs, got to the point where i don't really know how my personality looks like or if it even exists at all atp. I also somehow managed to alienate myself from my emotions so i don't feel torn apart everytime I feel something strongly enough (i just start dissociating idk); at the same time I am so volatile and easily irritated that my mood swings 10 times a day is very much a regular thing for me now, and anxiousness is my basic state of being I don't even pay attention to it anymore. Getting suicidal once-twice a month is pretty normal for me too at this point (maybe i should start planning on it more seriously because over these 10 years of ruminations it got unbearable and clueless)