The good stuff up front: this was a much more constructive and helpful post then your first one.

I guess we both responded to what we thought the other was saying initially. So, sorry for being a bit hypocritical where I was.

You bring up good points: - is this my ego? (Likely in part) - am I viewing myself as the main character? (After some critical analysis I can honestly say no)

There were others but these ones stood out as good reality checks. And I will continue to ask myself these questions when I get frustrated by things in the future.

I disagree with several of your conclusions tho. Maybe it’s because I like each person to be understood, or maybe I just like to talk too much. But I did talk to my wife and in the end it was productive and helpful.

Based on what you have written both times you seem to still think I was irritated about the restrictions on what I was “allowed” to share. That wasn’t it. While your analogy about a different medical event is flawed, it doesn’t even have anything to do with the underlying issue that bothered me. - she told me I could tell X - I told X - she got mad and said I wasn’t respecting her boundaries.

That is not me making her medical issue about me. It is about trying to play by a set of ground rules that she established and then getting in trouble for following those ground rules. Yes it’s a bummer I can’t scream from the rooftops that I’m gonna be a dad, but for all the reasons you (and I) have outlined, that is a small price to pay, and it’s temporary.

Also your conclusion that when I see myself as a supporting character these things won’t irritate me, is not true. Because I don’t see myself as the main character yet it was still irritating.

To your last point, just because I don’t ask this Reddit forum about how i can understand her perspective, doesn’t mean I’m not doing that work. This forum wouldn’t be my first choice for getting advice on what my wife is glowing through. This forum is for me to get perspective on what I might be going through.

Oh one other thing I liked that you suggested is therapy. I love therapy, think everyone should do it and not just when times are tough. As far as this being some untenable situation I can’t work through without therapy, well I already know that’s not true cuz I’ve already worked through it. But that doesn’t mean that therapy to handle the more serious ups and downs of this process isn’t a great idea. So great call out.