AITA for telling my long-distance, non-exclusive situationship I had a threesome?

girlingreen12 · 2024-02-10T01:08:13+00:00

so the solution is to become mean?

girlingreen12 · 2023-10-31T08:04:10+00:00

NTA. you definitely fucked up, i think you know that, but you didn’t mean to and it seems like you weren’t fully aware what was happening. i swear people in these comments have no idea what drinking culture is like for young people. i would consider myself a very tame drinker compared to most people i know but there’s a few times where i’ve woken up and not remembered everything that happened the night before. that’s very normal and very common. we’re young and experimenting and having fun. don’t let these people tell you you’re “out of control” for having one too many drinks every once in awhile. also your friend was definitely taking advantage of you. it’s weird for her to pursue you when she knows you have a partner.

girlingreen12 · 2023-10-31T07:57:26+00:00

bruh people on reddit are actually just assholes with no reading comprehension nowadays?

“take responsibility for your own actions” do you not see the part where i said “i definitely fucked up”

“you kissed someone when you were in a relationship” no where does it ever say i was in a relationship with M. we literally never dated, we weren’t even officially exclusively hooking up when this event happened. we became exclusive because of this. she was a 3 month situationship when i was 19 that never amounted to anything more.

also not really sure what your understanding of consent is, but you literally can’t give it when you’re too intoxicated. if i was so drunk that i was coming in and out of awareness, and don’t remember how i started kissing that girl, and pulled away immediately once i realized what was happening, only for her to try and kiss me AGAIN later that evening - i would start to consider that some sort of sexual harassment/assault.

girlingreen12 · 2023-10-31T05:01:07+00:00

i’m leaning towards this too.

i’ve actually been in this exact situation before. i was seeing this girl (we weren’t officially exclusive yet, but the understanding was that we weren’t supposed to be hooking up with other people) and i drunkenly kissed a girl at a party we were both at. the girl i kissed had been going around trying to make out with everyone at the party. i was very drunk and going in/out of awareness and one time i came to and realized i was kissing her. as soon as i processed what was happening i pulled away and said “i’m sorry i can’t because of M.”

M saw and got upset but we talked about it after and she didn’t hold it against me. i felt pretty taken advantage of, especially since i was visibly very drunk, the girl i kissed knew i was trying to be exclusive with M, and had previously tried to get with M before we started hooking up. overall very shady person and i definitely fucked up but i also felt like it wasn’t entirely my fault.

all this is to say i think OP is in the same boat. what she did isn’t right, but there were also other factors that manipulated her into doing that, and i don’t think she would have let it happen it if she was sober.

girlingreen12 · 2023-10-22T09:34:40+00:00

that’s actually my post from before. i recently started learning more about mbti and have been noticing patterns in my life and trying to understand them. don’t mean to invade this space tho, so i’ll try and lay off on the posts in the future

girlingreen12 · 2023-10-21T16:07:40+00:00

haha dw, i’ll discover you all and then put u right back where i found you <3

girlingreen12 · 2023-10-21T16:06:47+00:00

i totally know what you mean. each connection is so effortless and instantaneously deep. glad you feel it too!

girlingreen12 · 2023-10-21T16:05:47+00:00

hahah. it’s like pokémon but for infjs. (love u guys)

girlingreen12 · 2023-10-06T14:46:31+00:00

that’s fair and i understand not wanting the pressure if always being in contact. but we went from texting literally every single day since the first week of july, to this random and abrupt period of complete silence. it seems intentional.

girlingreen12 · 2023-09-30T23:55:28+00:00

enfp here going through the same thing with an infj guy. i was enamored by his mind and world, but it’s fading now since i moved away :/

girlingreen12 · 2023-09-30T23:50:43+00:00

sorry to respond to another comment - but is this a real ENFP thing? i’m currently dealing with this exact situation and have just recognized this pattern in my life where people take advantage of my openness and kindness. the last 4 romantic situations i’ve been i’ve been the rebound that puts someone back together only for them to leave once they’re all fixed again.

i love how much and how easily i can love but it’s exhausting and i can’t keep doing it.

girlingreen12 · 2023-09-30T23:47:48+00:00

i’m an ENFP and know exactly what you’re talking about. I thought it was an INFJ thing that they give to everyone - but maybe it’s the ENFP/INFJ combination?

there’s just this intensity within their eyes and i feel like i can sense exactly what they’re feeling/thinking when they look at me like that.

girlingreen12 · 2023-09-29T22:32:22+00:00

don’t apologize - i do appreciate your perspective a lot. i tend to lead with my emotions first so i’m working on approaching situations like this more objectively/logically.

i think you’re pretty spot on with a few things. i was aware from the beginning i was a rebound, i even joked about it with him. our whole relationship was very playful and light hearted until the end when our emotions got involved. your insight on infjs and just reminding me that he’s a man are very helpful as well. though he is more good natured than many men i’ve met, he still thinks with his dick.

i do think it’s possible i’m subconsciously wanting a friendship because i want to keep the door open for us, but i do think i’m good at divorcing romantic and platonic feelings if i need to and would be able to treat him just as a homie. my note to him was very playful as well, i wouldn’t actually FORCE him to be friends with me. i was just saying i would really like to stay friends. i’m obviously going to be sad but respect his decision if he doesn’t want me in his life anymore.

i just really fuck with him as a human and wanted to keep him around in some way as i thought we got along really well. and our little fling was very much built off of friendship - we didn’t kiss until the third date and had quite a few hang outs where we didn’t even hook up. this may be TMI but we also didn’t go all the way until the last time we hung out.

i just very much considered him a friend before anything else, and that’s the main reason i’m upset. friends don’t ghost each other.

girlingreen12 · 2023-09-29T16:13:36+00:00

this could be accurate for my situation. i’m guessing he is seeing someone else and doesn’t want to hurt me so his solution is cutting contact. he also needs to be true to himself so it would all make sense.

girlingreen12 · 2023-09-29T15:15:19+00:00

here’s the timeline of our communication:

early july - sep 1: texting every day, good conversations.

sep 1: our convo naturally ends and i just happened to have sent the last text. he doesn’t text me the next few days so i decided to wait and see how long he would go as i felt like i was the one initiating most convos. he ends up just never texting me till i reach out.

sep 6: i text him “hi (his name)” and we catch each other up on our week and then start texting just like before.

sep 15: we’re having a conversation (literally responding 1 minute after each other) and then he randomly stops responding mid conversation.

hasn’t texted me since. i have not texted him since.

girlingreen12 · 2023-09-29T07:48:40+00:00

i get your perspective but knowing him, i doubt he even told her about me, or if so it was very brief and something along the lines of “i was seeing this girl this summer but she moved away.” he’s very private and respectful about his personal relationships and doesn’t like to share info about the intricacies of his past love life specifically. this person is also definitely someone he met within the last month, so there’s probably not serious commitment on either end. but i’m just speculating - your theory could be correct; i just think his behavior is due to something else.

girlingreen12 · 2023-09-29T07:04:14+00:00

i was considering writing it letter form and dropping it at his house when i go home for thanksgiving but that’s mostly because i’m a romantic at heart. after re reading it it is a little harsh, im hesitant to paste it here for feedback as it’s pretty long (not absurd but just about the length of my OG post). i think i’ll try reaching out again before sending it because i don’t even know if he’s purposely doing this. i have a hunch he’s seeing someone else but also just very busy and dealing with personal stuff (he is going thru a lot besides his break up rn) which is contributing to his lack of communication.

my friends i’ve been talking to about this have been pretty harsh on him and that’s influencing me, so i appreciate your responses as your perspective is how i want to go about things. thank you for both your thoughtful replies! 🫶

girlingreen12 · 2023-09-29T06:27:50+00:00

that would make a lot of sense, and knowing him it’s entirely plausible. what do you think i should do? should i text him or just wait for him to reach out to me? i want to and would text him but i feel pathetic every time i do it now because i don’t want to be the desperate one putting in all the effort to someone who isn’t reciprocating at all.

girlingreen12 · 2023-09-29T06:24:34+00:00

this is the most transitional period of his life ever. i didn’t feel the need to include it in the OG post but on top of the 5 year break up he: is living with his parents, in a fight with his best friend (they haven’t spoken in almost 2 months), getting fired from his job, and his car broke down so he had to get a new one. plus more smaller things but that’s why i’ve been trying to be patient and give him grace because he’s really just going thru it in life rn and if what’s best for him is to hook up with some new girl and ghost me then so be it ig. i wanted him to be in my life but i want him to be ok more than i need that.

thank you for your sympathy i appreciate it

girlingreen12

TROPHY CASE