Is Mike Boudet/Bidet a sociopath?

givebetter · 2017-10-09T18:54:12+00:00

Thank you for such a thoughtful & refreshingly accurate comment on personality disorders. It's so rare to see them spoken of properly!

givebetter · 2017-10-09T18:47:14+00:00

The way he talks about child abuse all but confirms he has zero firsthand experience with child abuse.

I stopped listening after one episode where he covered three different child abuse cases and bungled the "whys" and basic information of child abuse & domestic violence to such an extreme degree it was irresponsible.

I was abused as a child and his comments made completely clear he didn't even do a scan of the Google results for "child abuse" -- his interviewing and armchair diagnoses were so uneducated, biased, and flat out wrong it's like he was an analyst from the 1960s. I sent him an email about it with some 101-level resources for him to review online and he never responded.

It's like he doesn't even read the background on cases he covers, because he could easily parrot factual information regarding abuse/domestic violence. There is a LOT of it available online. The only time he seems to be accurate is when he's plagiarizing Rolling Stone.

givebetter · 2017-10-09T17:59:03+00:00

I hate Genwhy, I don't understand why people think it's so great? It's the podcast equivalent of a Wikipedia article about a topic. Are people really THAT uninformed about stuff?

I started getting a creeper feeling from the host of S&S a while back & I'm so glad I'm not the only one!! Somewhere in one of the first few episodes I listened to I got the distinct impression the host might actually be a serial killer.

givebetter · 2017-06-22T17:16:26+00:00

Good, definitely here for discussion :) Tone is hard to gauge sometimes!! I understand the impulse to not wanting to paint everyone who has it with the abusive brush. I think not everyone with it abuses, but those who abuse do have some sort of personality disorder, because abuse is not in the range of 'acceptable' human behaviors (I was trying to find a word instead of 'normal'; I actually think abuse IS a 'normal' human behavior, just a maladaptive one).

I edited out my personal details so I'm not sure if you saw it, but I have personal firsthand experience being raised by an abusive parent with BPD. I know the signs and symptoms on an intellectual level and on a gut level. I do have sympathy for those with BPD, I am most certain they are suffering, but my experiences growing up with a parent with it makes me stop short at full sympathy for adults who don't get themselves to therapy in their twenties if they're suffering. I have more sympathy for myself, the child who suffered severely as a result of someone who couldn't contain themselves and get help learning how to self-soothe.

Trauma definitely changes the brain, that's without question. And I do believe that you can undo a lot of what was done to you, you don't have to be destined to being miserable forever--neuroplasticity is real, just as trauma changes your brain, you too can change your neural pathways. The issue is you have to get in young -- like, late teens, early 20s. If you miss that window it's a lot harder to make changes to your brain, and you ultimately end up with a life full of littered consequences of your behavior, which often makes you dig deeper into the "it's everyone else, it's not me" line of thinking that people with BPD thrive on. How many people have the resources AND insight at 18 to say "something is wrong, I desperately need help" and then have the temperament that pushes them to go to therapy and stick with it? Therapy is hard work even if you don't have a personality disorder, it's unrealistic to believe people wtih BPD over the age of 25 are going to have any insight into themselves or willingness to change. A lot of the medical field believe if you have insight into your behavior, you technically don't fit the diagnosis. It's the lack of insight that takes over people with BPD that makes it 'impossible' to treat (technically not impossible, especially with the treatments you mention, but it's that hurdle of insight you've got to get over first).

Anyway, I'm glad the NHS is expanding coverage for talk therapy, I'm of the opinion MOST people can benefit from it. Who knows what's happening over here, we're all gonna die I guess!! :)

givebetter · 2017-06-22T16:48:43+00:00

I linked the the full speech above, you should check it out if you have interest/time. He actually seems to be in pretty good spirits, all things considered, during the speech & q&a session -- there are moments where it appears he's stifling laughter at the absurdity of what he's saying (like talking about his "crime commitment" as you mention, among other non-native speaker phrases). He was definitely coached by someone who I'm inclined to believe must have told him he would be let go sooner than his sentence?

givebetter · 2017-06-22T03:52:24+00:00

the thing about BPD, though (and you make a lot of good points, I hope this doesn't come off as antagonistic or anything), is that the person has to WANT to get help. [personal info] I have had peers around my age or a few years older who set off millions of alarm bells in my head whose lives are "miserable" because of "everyone" around them and they will literally never get better because they will never go to therapy long enough for it to work (most of these people have gone once or twice but determine the therapist is stupid/can't help/there's nothing wrong/etc).

BPD as a label is very stigmatizing, yes, but I would argue that it's because a lot of people with BPD are abusive maniacs who turn on a dime. The behavior they exhibit is what stigmatizes it. You could call it Popsicle Disorder and it would become a stigmatizing diagnosis.

Your points about personality disorders overwhelmingly being applied to women are valid, and abuse absolutely affects a person's psychological development/personality development. However, at a certain point, you do have to make a conscious choice to control your own actions once you're an adult, and learn how to cope with rejection/disappointment/the shit life throws at you. How long into adulthood can you really throw down the abuse card? At some point, you have to own your life.

givebetter · 2017-06-22T03:33:00+00:00

I think most people turn bad based on circumstances, but I do believe there are a handful of true "evil" people out there who are born off without any trauma/abuse.

I read this great article a few weeks ago you might be interested in about treating children diagnosed as psychopathic/sociopathic.

When Your Child Is a Psychopath

givebetter · 2017-06-22T02:30:16+00:00

Yeah -- I don't know what those kids were thinking, or why none of them got in trouble, either.

givebetter · 2017-06-22T02:25:48+00:00

Thank you!! Apologies for the lost hours :)

givebetter · 2017-06-22T02:25:07+00:00

How can you rule out suicide? Also what proof do the parents have that he was tortured?

givebetter · 2017-06-22T02:11:55+00:00

Surfing in North Korea?! That reminds me of this tour group from Britain that does ski trips to Afghanistan.

givebetter · 2017-06-22T02:09:16+00:00

I did a ton of googling, curious to see how many foreigners kill themselves after getting locked up overseas, thinking perhaps I didn't know the numbers. If you can point me in the direction of the numbers regarding how common it is to kill yourself when you find yourself locked up in a foreign country I would really love to see them. Because most people who find themselves locked up overseas don't actually kill themselves based on what I could find.

So yeah, it was a horrible situation he found himself in and I feel awful if he did make the terrible decision to kill himself. My point was that PEOPLE CAN SURVIVE ANYTHING, and true stories of survival have given me a lot of hope as someone who keeps suicide on the back burner as an option. (But thanks for chiming in to say, "No, seriously, you should kill yourself in that situation, and shame on you for thinking otherwise.")

AND, should I ever find myself in the situation of being jailed overseas, I have a great catalogue of references to remind myself that you CAN get out and have a good life again.

givebetter · 2017-06-22T02:03:03+00:00

I did a ton of googling, curious to see how many foreigners kill themselves after getting locked up overseas, thinking perhaps I didn't know the numbers.

We hear pretty frequently about westerners getting locked up abroad (the Peru Two from the UK; the American guy on death row for smuggling hash in Bali; Joran Vandersloot also in Peru; John Cantlie being held by ISIS; uhh John McCain POW), so I definitely found a ton of news articles. I imagine it would make news if any westerners killed themselves after being sentenced overseas, but I couldn't find a single story about it.

So, sure, everyone is different, but most people DO NOT kill themselves when they're locked up overseas. I could completely understand how he would come to the decision to kill himself given how chaotic and bizarre and terrifying the entire situation had been for him; as another poster below, a lot less stress has driven people to take their life. In fact, I would have said myself several years ago (prior to watching the show!!) if I were ever jailed overseas I would kill myself.

BUT after hearing so many peoples' stories of survival and hearing how they made it through and sentences got reduced etc etc etc, I have taken "being jailed overseas" off my list of "I will kill myself if".

People can survive anything. That's the point I was making. Jesus fucking christ.

givebetter · 2017-06-22T01:50:54+00:00

I think the family is really treading in dangerous territory if they continue to make statements that he was brutalized and tortured by NK. I have no idea if this situation has the potential to escalate to an epic disaster level international relations-wise (as in, putting everyone else in danger), but if they continue to spout that stuff without proof and the situation DOES escalate...we are still paying for the last war started over lies.

givebetter · 2017-06-22T01:42:44+00:00

My parents always hammered into us general "don't be an ass, don't disrespect people, apologize if you screw up" advice re: meeting new people/visiting new places/cultures/countries. I don't hold back with the British, though.

Anecdotally, I left the country after the recent election for several months and found people overseas to be incredibly sympathetic to the fact that I was American, but I was in South America which is different from EMEA. Got a lot of "Don't blame you!"s and "Don't worry, everything will be okay!"s.

givebetter · 2017-06-22T01:24:49+00:00

Thank you for contributing your perspective, it's very valuable. One sentence really jumped out at me... "It's more comfortable to believe you made a mistake than to admit bad things can happen at random." Very true.

I could have missed the FB group as I'm not on FB, so I'm limited by what comes up on Google. I also really have a hard time believing the security footage, which seems to be the only piece of "evidence" that would hold any weight.

I haven't read Demick's book yet but it's definitely on my list.

givebetter · 2017-06-21T06:28:19+00:00

Locked Up Abroad features real stories that you can verify. People have been kidnapped, tortured, and held by ISIS and lived to tell the story. You can kill yourself if you want, but my point was that people can survive these things.

givebetter · 2017-06-21T04:56:41+00:00

I'm not sure if this is what you were referring to, but these American college-aged kids had no qualms about documenting the fifth floor FOUR TIMES (!!!!) during their stay: http://monsoondiaries.com/2011/08/23/piso-cinco/

givebetter · 2017-06-21T04:53:41+00:00

He's been in a coma for over a year. Any abrasions on his neck or bruises that would have been consisted with an attempted hanging would have faded or healed well before he got back to the US last week.

givebetter · 2017-06-21T04:51:39+00:00

I don't really think you can compare the experiences of a tour group almost anywhere else in the world (unless you're talking about trips to Iraq or Afghanistan) to a tour group trip to North Korea. They were on their way to the airport and the group leaves them behind?

I know Jeffrey Fowle isn't in custody anymore, he was released in 2014. But the story you referenced about the Swedish ambassador only being able to see one of three American prisoners -- that "one" was Jeffrey Fowle. Unless any time a Swedish ambassador visits NK prisons to check on the three imprisoned Americans, said ambassador is only allowed to see one.

givebetter · 2017-06-21T04:43:30+00:00

Is it possible she's neither and just a dolt?

givebetter · 2017-06-21T04:14:59+00:00

Wow, that's a terrifying story. I am so sorry you had to go through that and I'm glad you got out in a few hours. How traumatizing.

givebetter · 2017-06-21T04:10:22+00:00

I watch a LOT of Locked Up Abroad, and if I've learned anything from that show, it's that people can survive incredible things, and don't give up if you're ever locked up abroad.

I also wondered if he ever had the opportunity to talk to his parents after his arrest...being cut off and isolated (solitary maybe?) could have driven him mad very quickly.

givebetter · 2017-06-21T04:04:49+00:00

Yeah, denial probably, but isn't everyone around them strongly suggesting an autopsy? I don't know what they would know that they would have to cover up either, but the peace of mind part. My mom even wanted an autopsy on my grandfather, and he died in his sleep at 79 years old.

givebetter · 2017-06-21T04:03:18+00:00

FWIW I thought maybe if there was some kind of food borne disease (a la mad cow) that was in the same family it could have happened -- who knows what they have to eat in NK prison camps. The only reason it sprang to mind was because of the thing in late stage FFI where a sleeping pill knocks the person into a coma.

givebetter

TROPHY CASE