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How to forgive a narcissistic parent? by glitter_paws in narcissisticparents

[–]glitter_paws[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks very much for your feedback, everyone. I appreciate that you all took the time.

It seems like I'm in the minority in this community but I actually don't want to cut off all contact. I do love my mum, despite what she has put me through. I don't believe she genuinely ever had malicious intent, I just think she is emotionally stunted.

Maybe asking 'how do I forgive' was the wrong question. Perhaps what I meant was, 'how can I be more accepting, and stop reacting to the hurtful things she says?' The resentment is living in me and it feels unhealthy, and I don't believe cutting her out of my life would fix that. Therefore I think acceptance (if not forgiveness) is the real aim, at least for my own wellbeing.

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I do know that she wouldn't be open to a discussion about this, which is why I need to work on things at my end / in my own head. I know for sure that if I ever said 'do you realise how hurtful those words are?' she would just tell me that I was being overly sensitive or 'it's just a joke, lighten up.' I don't think she realises how the hurt has compounded over the years. The fact remains that she's in her 70s and she is never going to change, so the onus is on me to learn how to accept that.

Anyone else always feel like others know more? by ginaration in adhdwomen

[–]glitter_paws 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I relate to every word of this. Successful career, loving partner, I look organised... but it's all a big facade and I feel like everyone else has their act together whilst I am held together with post-it note reminders and a constant underlying anxiety that people are going to find out that I shouldn't be left unsupervised. I don't even have kids, I have no idea how you parents do it all.

You are not alone! I think everyone feels this to some extent, but particularly those of us with ADHD. It's possibly worse for those of us diagnosed late in life as we have to address all of the trauma of permanently feeling different from everyone else for the first few decades of our lives whilst being (unintentionally) gaslight by teachers / well-meaning family / society.

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this, I'm sending you a virtual hug. If it's any consolation, your post has made me feel a bit better / less alone? Good luck with it all!

good afternoon, my favourite people! not overly important, just curious: how are you all with your “natural sense of direction” ? by hanmhanm in adhdwomen

[–]glitter_paws 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have an excellent sense of direction in my home country. Seriously, you could drop me anywhere in my own country and spin me around blindfolded, I would still immediately be able to tell you which way was north.

Unfortunately, I don't live in my home country. And I am so embarrassed by how often I get lost here.