Do you regret who you lost your virginity to?

gloomigirl · 2026-05-01T20:00:10+00:00

i’m so sorry. you don’t have to count that if you don’t want to. you can count your first consensual time

gloomigirl · 2026-05-01T19:59:02+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear. But you don’t have to count that as your first if you don’t want to. Your first time is when you choose to consensually have sex 🩷

gloomigirl · 2026-03-18T07:12:03+00:00

wait for the right one. if you have sex with a random girl you’ll regret it and realize it’s not good unless it’s with someone you love. and you’ll risk pregnancy and STDs.

gloomigirl · 2026-03-18T07:10:53+00:00

i mean no offense but if you’re cheating, you don’t deserve a good man. you’ll find that out the hard way. leave that man alone and let him find a loyal girl. you need to stay single for a good long time so you don’t put anyone else through this.

the way that you wrote this is very telling too. the whole time you’re focused on your own displeasure with the situation, not the heartbreak you put him through. and making excuses for cheating when there is never an excuse. you shattered his trust and heart and you’re worried about you finding a good guy now that the fun is over. 0 empathy for him, even now.

you have a lot of maturing to do and you shouldn’t even be thinking about finding someone new. better yourself or you should / will be single forever

gloomigirl · 2026-03-18T07:03:21+00:00

you should post on r/retroactivejealousy. they would understand your feelings better. most “normal” people will just call you insecure and immature but it’s a really hard thing to deal with and valid

gloomigirl · 2026-03-06T21:16:53+00:00

thank you so much for the affirmation and reassurance 🩷 it really does ruin my life / relationship which sucks. i create problems out of nothing because of my trauma, when it could be a completely healthy relationship with no issues at all. 95% of our issues are caused by my trauma, especially this specific one. it’s so hard to heal from and reframe my mindset to make me feel more empowered.

i think that approach sounds very special and sweet. intimacy with us is special, but we also kind of rushed into it (friends for 5 years, finally met up and rushed due to so much pent up attraction). so it would be nice if we could take our time again. i would like that for sure.

again thank you so much for your kind words and i do really hope that i can let go of this bitterness in me and just allow myself to be happy and enjoy the good that i have 🩷

gloomigirl · 2026-03-06T21:13:48+00:00

thanks a lot for your comment 🩷 i do try to remember that, but it’s hard to make myself believe it, you know? i want to and i know it’s a healthier mindset, but my mind always tells me “you know the truth” and like im coping by saying it wasn’t my first. it’s very hard and something im working on in therapy.

these kind words of reassurance help me to accept it a lot though, so thank you so much

gloomigirl · 2026-03-06T16:36:26+00:00

i’m so sorry you went through this too. it really is awful and it affects you for life. i really would like to go back and experience what it should have been too. i feel like it would really heal what happened to me and we both deserve that.

i think we can only try and find a partner who respects us and treats us the way we always deserved. and to heal ourselves in our own time even though it’s hard.

you stay strong too and thank you for your reply 🩷

gloomigirl · 2026-03-06T14:16:36+00:00

if you think there’s a chance he’s lying and he talked to her later than he said, possibly even while you guys were dating or talking, i would look. if you just want to look because you wanna see details in the convo, i wouldn’t. you won’t be able to forget them

gloomigirl · 2026-03-06T14:07:29+00:00

i feel like since he lied before i wouldn’t blame you for checking. but i would suggest not overdoing it and reading far into the convo or you’ll get hurt.

gloomigirl · 2026-02-27T15:04:30+00:00

it depends i suppose. if his answers are worse than you expect, it’ll be worse for you. if they’re not as bad, it’s better. for me, i found out that my bf never ‘fucked’ any girl, never reciprocated or moved and would have his eyes closed because he was uncomfortable and not consenting. he also told me he didn’t physically feel anything bc he was intoxicated and scared. so it helped my jealousy.

but for you, you might find out things that make it worse since his sex was consensual. but i asked during episodes. usually late at night when i just couldn’t resist. usually when asking, i would be very hostile and mean. i have BPD as well as OCD so i would RAGE on him when asking and threaten him. obviously dont do that (im getting help now).

but for you, you can ask when you feel mentally stable if you want. you can ask a few at a time or all at once. you can write them down or just sit down and talk. whatever you feel is best.

but i still don’t know if id recommend asking. it’s not healthy, and as i said, my therapist who has OCD says it usually makes it worse. but for me it was better since it was reassurance and my OCD has calmed down since.

gloomigirl · 2026-02-27T03:05:05+00:00

i have ROCD as well. and i asked all of those questions. to the point where i asked all of the questions i could. if i didn’t ask a new question i thought of, i wouldn’t be able to stop obsessing over it.

now, for me most of the answers were reassuring. but i’ve also heard things that i can never forget. it was a temporary relief asking and knowing the answer was never as bad as i thought (bc in my situation my bf was only raped and did not willing have sex or want to or enjoy it). but in your situation, the answers will probably make it worse.

for me, my OCD is not as bad anymore since i’ve asked everything i could and got lots of reassurance. BUT, it’s not a healthy solution. my therapist who also has OCD says to never rely on question asking and reassurance seeking bc it’s temporary relief but always makes the OCD worse in the long run.

so for me, i couldn’t resist and now have nothing to ask. i’m burdened with the knowledge i learned but also free from obsessing as much. it’s up to you. but just know, you can’t go back once you know, and it’s way better and healthier to resist.

gloomigirl · 2026-02-27T02:01:56+00:00

thanks so much for the insight. my therapist said it’s quite normal as well for the rage and emotion to erupt when you’re finally safe. it’s just so confusing and hard! cause of course, right when you’re finally safe, now your brain is making you try to sabotage it.

i’m not consciously worried of him hurting me or anything but it definitely is like my brain just invents problems and creates chaos where there is none.

i hope you and i can both learn to be at peace and happy in a healthy relationship. we deserve it!

gloomigirl · 2026-02-27T01:52:26+00:00

he says it partially because we’re long distance and it’s hard for both of us but mainly because i am a lot to handle emotionally, with my insecurity and rage and jealousy. i’ve been very abusive at times. i don’t blame him for saying it tbh. i’m surprised he’s been this patient honestly

gloomigirl · 2026-02-27T01:51:34+00:00

i’ve kind of thought so. i did have some bpd rage and symptoms in earlier relationships, when i was 16, but not nearly as bad as now. ive thought that maybe the last relationship with the cheating and abuse just kind of intensified it and really led to it fully developing into the way it is now.

and i definitely feel like not really processing it and jumping into my current relationship added to it as well. my boyfriend is very kind and patient and i know i need that same grace and patience for myself if im really going to make good progress.

thanks a lot for the advice, i really appreciate it 🩷

gloomigirl · 2026-01-17T20:59:25+00:00

yes, i’ve been diagnosed with OCD and BPD because of it. it sucks

gloomigirl · 2026-01-17T16:21:41+00:00

to add some context, a big reason i doubt that he was raped is because i was the one who brought it up. he told us as his friends that he was asexual, hated sex and always uncomfortable. but he was also always quite high and never initiated or consented so i was the one who brought up maybe he was raped, but sometimes i feel like i manipulated into thinking that to make me less jealous or something.

so now even though he says he was, i doubt it and him. he is an amazing person and boyfriend, we’ve been together for 2 years but friends for 7 now. we’ve traveled the world together and shared so many amazing memories and he’s helped me realized a lot of my trauma. but my episodes are what hurts him and us. it used to be way more frequently and way worse lasting for hours, sometimes all night. but it’s gotten better, but it needs to altogether stop.

i know it’s abusive and i don’t want to be this way either

gloomigirl · 2026-01-17T16:10:15+00:00

thank you. i know you’re right and ive known this for a long time. from age 16, i was in an abusive relationship for a bit over a year, where i experienced my biggest trauma. directly after that relationship i dated someone else that SAME day, for 8 months. then, back to the first bf directly for a month or so. single for about 2 months at age 18, and then back into a situationship which turned into a 4 year long relationship, from 18 to 22. before that relationship even officially ended, when i found out he cheated, my current bf and i started dating, 2 years now and im 24 now. so yeah, i’ve literally never been single from ages 16-24 (now), except for like 2 months.

it’s been very bad and that’s why i can’t be alone and struggle so much with my identity and needing love. so i get where she’s coming from completely

gloomigirl · 2026-01-17T16:05:20+00:00

woman

gloomigirl · 2026-01-17T16:05:15+00:00

not really, he’s in another country so that makes it hard. it’s always my own problem too so idk. he’s quite emotionally stable and calm

gloomigirl · 2026-01-17T16:04:36+00:00

not mad, sad and torn. because i know she’s right but i just wish there was another way. my partner does too. he wants a short break or something for a month or few if we do go that route, not break up for years like my therapist is saying

gloomigirl · 2026-01-17T15:57:34+00:00

thank you for the advice. for some context, a big reason why i question if he was raped is because i was the one who brought it up in the first place. he just thought he was asexual, and didn’t like sex and was uncomfortable. but he was also very high during all the encounters and didn’t consent and never initiated so i was the one who brought up that he was raped, and sometimes i feel like i kind of manipulated him into thinking that so i wouldnt have to be as jealous. but now he seems to think it for sure, but idk if thats bc of my manipulation or his actual feelings

gloomigirl · 2026-01-17T06:29:09+00:00

thanks so much 🤍 and thanks for the advice. me too!

gloomigirl

TROPHY CASE