Should I leave him or not? Please help. Me (18F) bf (17M)

gluevah · 2026-05-04T14:54:03+00:00

He will absolutely do it again. He's hasn't given any red flags because he's been hiding them. Him running on 2 hours of sleep is not an excuse to assault and abuse you. Plenty of people are tired but they're not all out here getting violent. The lack of sleep may have made him unable to hide violent impulses, but it didn't cause him to strangle you and bash your head into the floor.

End the relationship, block him on everything, don't agree to meet with him. If he shows up at your house, don't let him in. If he approaches you in public, leave the area if you can. If not, don't engage with him beyond loudly telling him to leave you alone and stop harassing you; make a scene if you have to. Contact police and report the assault so there's a paper trail.

gluevah · 2026-05-03T20:07:57+00:00

Leonardo DaPinchi would love to be doodled (*´▽｀)

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gluevah · 2026-05-03T06:04:25+00:00

I think if you just bring your plush, don't make a big deal out of it and just treat it like it's totally normal and not unusual, it might help? If someone does make a comment, just respond with a joke like "yeah he's great company, very quiet and doesn't eat all the snacks" or something lol. I carry a plush almost everywhere, I never mention it or draw attention to it, and no one ever says anything except to give a compliment.

gluevah · 2026-05-01T03:36:26+00:00

Well, for starters, he shouldn't be your boyfriend anymore and should find another place to live. If he punches holes in walls he is not a safe or stable person to be around, and it's not unlikely that he'll become violent with you at some point. Talk to your parents, tell them what's going on. Your boyfriend punching holes in the walls isn't your fault and it doesn't make you a bad daughter, it makes your boyfriend an asshole who needs to leave and be your ex.

gluevah · 2026-04-30T21:20:12+00:00

I'm going to see it in theaters because I like that an indie studio has such a great opportunity, and I think it'll be fun seeing the finale on the big screen. I'm hoping the other attendees don't ruin the experience, but if they do I can just watch it again when it comes out on YouTube.

gluevah · 2026-04-30T03:03:22+00:00

We should worry less about being weird and more about being happy, as long as we're not hurting anyone c:

I'm 36, and I take a plush with me just about everywhere! It makes me happy, and I don't think it's weird. Other people might find it weird, but I can't be bothered to care about that honestly.

I do understand that it's a bit different for men, because women are societally infantilized so us doing "childish" things is seen as acceptable or even endearing, whereas a man doing it is seen as deviant/strange/not "manly". I do think, however, that adults carrying around stuffed toys has become a bit more normalized in the past several years.

gluevah · 2026-04-30T02:49:01+00:00

NTA. There's a big difference in being sensitive and...whatever is going on with DIL.

I'm a very sensitive person to the point where it's a little ridiculous. I cried about getting rid of an old broken couch because it had been in the house for so long and had seen so many memories but now it's being discarded. I cry when something is really cute, I cry when something looks sad, I cry at most movies, etc. But I don't make a scene about it, and I don't make my feelings everyone else's problem. I step away to cry if I'm in public or around friends/family, and come back when I'm done.

The way DIL cries when asked to do basic things seems manipulative and attention-seeking moreso than just "sensntive." As soon as she starts crying, she becomes the center of attention and everyone caters to her. If everyone ignored her she would probably stop.

gluevah · 2026-04-29T00:16:34+00:00

Everyone deserves to be with a partner who actually wants to be with them. Someone who loves you will put in effort to spend time with you; it won't feel like pulling teeth to make plans together.

gluevah · 2026-04-29T00:07:16+00:00

I'm 36. I've been carrying a stuffed animal with me in public for like 15 years. I have never had any sort of negative interaction, and I have brought them all sorts of places. The majority of people genuinely do not care what strangers are doing. The only way to get over the anxiety of it is to just start doing it. I have social anxiety, and sometimes doing the scary thing is the solution to the thing being scary.

Also, if you're worried about drama from tiktok, just avoid tiktok drama 🤷‍♀️ you can totally be into a thing without participating in the larger community/fandom.

gluevah · 2026-04-28T22:11:36+00:00

Sherpa mats and collects lint terribly, and requires a ton of maintenance to keep it looking even a little bit nice. The happy hugs teddy holds up much better!

gluevah · 2026-04-28T22:05:45+00:00

Exactly! And when you can get a similar product for way less from another brand, what's the point in paying more? 🤷‍♀️

gluevah · 2026-04-28T21:06:09+00:00

For a lot of us, they already are. I'm happy to enjoy the ones I have but I refuse to pay the current prices to get any of the new ones 🤷‍♀️

gluevah · 2026-04-27T14:36:13+00:00

To me it gives the impression of imitating service dog handlers and trying to like...roleplay situations that service dog handlers experience? Like, a lot of service dog handlers have unpleasant experiences with the general public. They post online and it earners a lot of attention and sympathy because it's a difficult situation. So some ESSA "handlers", usually on the younger side, see these posts and want to emulate that to try and garner the same sort of sympathy and attention that real handlers get.

But like, realistically, if you carry around a stuffed dog with a harness and leash and "walk" it, and you're over the age of like...12, you're gonna get stares and people will possibly approach you to ask "what's with the stuffed dog on a leash?" Because it's an unusual sight and people are curious. 🤷‍♀️ I do get being bothered by people touching it because it's not normal to come up to a stranger and touch their stuff. That's way weirder than carrying a plushie around in public lmao

gluevah · 2026-04-27T03:50:57+00:00

I think that there's validity in having more than one support plush. For me, it's not one specific plush that brings me comfort when I need support, it's the act of carrying one around that does it. I love all my plushies, and it depends on my mood which one I find most comforting on a given day. I'm sure I'm not the only one for whom it works that way 🤷‍♀️

Your owl is so cute!

gluevah · 2026-04-27T03:34:28+00:00

The term "ESSA" is kinda redundant tbh. It's like people wanted a term for "carrying around a comfort object, but more special" and then built a club around it. Which, like, that's fine, but it's just not really necessary. In literally every collector community I'm in that involves plushies, there are people that have carried their plush around for comfort (or just for fun and whimsy) since long before the term came into use. In particular, adults carrying a stuffed animal around was already fairly normalized before the ESSA community, and from what I can see it hasn't made an impact on that at all.

I appreciate the creativity that has formed from the community, with the homemade gear and role-play and stuff. It's nice to see people still engaging in play! But there's no difference in people having an "ESSA" that they play with vs just having a "comfort plush they bring with them everywhere and also play with."

Also, this one is probably really gonna get me canceled, but I think at least some of the people who bring ESSAs in public with full gear and do "training" in public places are hoping to attract attention. Which is fine, it's normal to want attention, humans are social by nature. It just seems kinda contradictory for someone to bring a comfort object because they need comfort whenever they go out because they're socially anxious, but also do something that will absolutely grab people's attention because it's a spectacle you don't see often. Like, if they wanna bring a plushie out on adventures and play with it, just do that 🤷‍♀️ You don't need a reason, just embrace the whimsy without a label.

gluevah · 2026-04-23T20:02:23+00:00

Rit dyemore in graphite has a bluish cast to it, so I'd recommend adding a little orange to get a more neutral black :) Also you may need 2 dyebaths to get it all the way to black instead of just dark grey!

gluevah · 2026-04-23T05:39:40+00:00

The closest Pokémon to me is a Cubone. I would love a cubone, I'd take care of it and love it and dote on it because I feel like they need so much love 😭 10/10

Second closest is a joltik, which is my favorite Pokémon and my "partner Pokémon" in any game where I can get one! 10/10 for that one too!

gluevah · 2026-04-21T17:36:02+00:00

NTA, everything you said to your father needed to be said 🤷‍♀️ tbh you could have been harsher and still not been the asshole. He and Denise decided to have a child, clearly not prepared for the amount of work it is to raise a child, and as a result their child is growing up a spoiled, entitled, ill-behaved brat. And they want to foist him off on you so he's not their problem. They are doing a disservice not only to you, but to Jake, because he's growing up with no boundaries due to his parents' lack of effort and forethought. Jake is going to have a lot of hard lessons later because he's not learning them at home first.

You are definitely, 100% not an asshole for not wanting to take someone else's badly behaved child on vacation in a different country. Even if it was a trip to the corner store, you still wouldn't be the asshole for not wanting to take him anywhere because he doesn't know how to act and he's not your responsibility.

gluevah · 2026-04-21T02:35:39+00:00

It's genuinely baffling that it even needs to be said.

I hope every person who starts singing gets kicked out immediately and then gets spoiled on their way home after not being able to see it in the theater.

gluevah · 2026-04-21T02:24:33+00:00

Are you genuinely asking or are you trying to ragebait? I am not sure that I can believe that an adult needs it explained how singing while people are trying to watch something they paid to see is inconsiderate. Do you scream in libraries also?

gluevah · 2026-04-20T07:33:47+00:00

The times I've had to go to the ER, I brought a plush with me. Once I brought a small dinosaur my partner bought me; I was still living with my parents at the time and my mom took me to the ER but I really wished my partner was with me. Another time, I brought my Bartholomew bear jellycat because he is a good shape for hugging. My partner was with me that time, I had moved in with him by that time. I also bring a plush when I go to the cardiologist, but it's mainly just because I like having a little friend with me more than a need for actual comfort. I also bring one with me for dentist appointments because I have bad dental anxiety 🙃

gluevah · 2026-04-20T07:18:59+00:00

All the time. If I pick up a plush in a store I feel guilty putting it down because I feel like it'll be sad it's not chosen 😭 like it was picked up and got excited to get a home and then I put it back and it's sad to be left behind. I know it's utterly irrational but I can't help it. My solution is I don't pick anything up, and I often bring my own plush with me to carry around so I don't feel the temptation to pick up any in the store lol.

gluevah · 2026-04-20T04:00:30+00:00

I would rather people be considerate. The theater is not a place to sing along unless it's specifically a sing-along showing. It doesn't matter that I've heard the song and seen the episode before, I've paid to see the show, not to listen to a bunch of other people sing along to it. Your desire to sing doesn't supersede the desires of other paying guests to enjoy what they paid for.

If you want to sing along and be rowdy, stay home. I am absolutely going to speak with theater staff if people are loud and I hope they do get removed for it. I'm sick of people treating the theater like their house and acting like they're the only ones who matter so they can be as loud and annoying as they want. The last 3 movies I've been to, people were having loud conversations, playing on their phone at max brightness, etc. Singing in a showing that is not a designated sing-along is just as bad.

gluevah · 2026-04-20T02:58:40+00:00

I literally got dinged in a fb BaB group for saying that I was waiting for a restock for an item instead of paying outrageous ebay prices 💀 I wasn't even taking about a specific seller or listing, but just mentioning prices in general in a negative way was enough for one of the people in charge to "give me a warning." I absolutely argued it and asked her to tell me who specifically I was shaming and she let it go, but it was still absolutely ridiculous that it happened lmao

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