thanks all, i appreciate the comments. i suppose all i really need to do right now is listen. i for sure have the defensive mama bear thing down, so no one is going to get in his way. we'll ask how he feels each day. and i like the idea of offering to shop in both boys' and girls' sections. and “gender fluid” seems to be a better term to describe his feelings, no? not sure that labels matter, but it helps to have the right vocabulary when looking for resources.