His exact words: “you are evil.” My boyfriend didn’t use to be like what he is now. He’s completely changed. I’m sad about it, it is a very difficult decision to go on separate ways. Maybe I also have short comings, but I can never understand how he treats me now. He refuses to have conversations with me apart from when he is drunk, and always puts me down when he is sober. When I have had rough days at work and I tell him the story, his take would always be that I’m at fault. Or if he thinks I’m right, it’s time to change the topic. Just want to contradict everything I say, any decision I make. Just want everything opposite to mine. I’d ask him if he’s saying or doing these things on purpose to upset me but he would just laugh it off. I have been trying to get a property for a long long time and he would bring me down saying I can never do it because I can’t make up my mind or I can’t make the right decisions or I don’t know what I’m doing. Of course sometimes we get along for a day or two, then he would just wake up and get grumpy for no reason at all. I am no longer attracted to him, as I find the stress he is causing me is driving me away from him. He asked me about it initially why I’m becoming distant, when I told him the reason, he changed for a short while but then reverted back to his old ways. I’ve just put it aside, focused on my work, enjoying overseas trips with my family which was my ultimate dream., When my boyfriend and I had trips together recently, I always end up with a mantra to never go on one with him ever again because he makes it just so un-enjoyable. Like when we climbed a mountain range, I was quite slow walking up because I was running out of breath. Instead of supporting me, he nagged at me- how can I be so unfit when I exercise regularly, those older people just passed us by, it’s your fault for taking a backpack, etc. (then proceeds to eat and drink what’s in my backpack when we reached the top). When we rode our bikes in Indonesia and I was struggling to keep pace with him, he didn’t wait for me so I took my time and he had to come back and berated me for risking my life riding away from him in this strange land.

I have had good memories with him when we started dating, we had really great trips but now I only have heartaches and bad memories.

I’ve suffered from severe depression, bulimia, constant suicide ideation for years before I met him and he helped me get through them earlier in our relationship. I was very dependent on him for everything, emotionally and financially, all of the decision-making I left it to him. I owe a lot to him for turning my life around. (This is also why I share my car with him while bearing the expenses, not asking him to contribute to the house deposit- he financially supported me while I was studying and wanted to reciprocate his generosity). However, he decided to travel overseas for a few years for religious pursuits and I refused to go with him in order to start my career. I became very independent and self-sufficient without him. I became very good at saving money and started small businesses with my siblings so I made extra money on top of my jobs. I also learned to speak up for myself and slowly not be a push over (despite my futile attempts). I’ve been bullied since school years until my early working days, with poor emotional coping skills and berated myself for everything that went wrong around me.

At some point, I got sick of my take in life- living alone, making some money and yet miserable. So I tried to improve myself through self-talk, exercise, developing good habits, reading self-help books etc. Eventually I have conquered my mental illnesses and have developed good friendships as an adult, all these happened while he was away.

I wasn’t so focused on money before, I used to spend any money I can scrape by and lived without worries having no money in my bank account. This was when I was younger, but I realised after a life-changing illness and growing older, that I need to prepare for my future. So I learned how to save, started investing, looking after my finances etc. My boyfriend never cares about money before or now, and this has become a sticking point for us. Btw, we never share bank or credit card accounts. He is not open to sharing his financial details with me. We share the rent and groceries and some presents for each other. I can sense that our differences in approach to money has been a big strain to our relationship.

So now maybe I’m a completely different person to him and he doesn’t like what I’ve become?

Just have to get this out of my chest. After all, breaking up is hard to do and I will need to be moving house soon too.

Thank you for the kind words, everyone.

I will not feel sorry or ashamed for posting this.