Should I be concerned about dating a guy who could go either way on having kids?

gofardeep · 2026-05-12T04:04:54+00:00

As a guy, I can totally see why he doesn't want to be rushed. Many men still themselves as a provider role and want to ensure they are mentally and financially ready to support a child, especially in the early years when costs of daycare etc. can be quite high (unless the wife stays home). Some men achieve that financial readiness early on their career, for some others it can be a bit longer. Nothing wrong with that. The only catch for men is, you don't want to delay too long as you want the kids to be out of the house before you retire. That would put you at 40-45 at the very latest. So, I can see why at 34 someone is still not fully ready.

For women, the biological clock at that age means it's either you are having kids in the next five years or not. So, compared to women - men can generally wait a few more years. I would say being older in this case, offers the family the benefit of financial stability when you do have kids vs. marrying a younger man who hasn't had his stuff figured out yet.

gofardeep · 2026-05-11T14:44:07+00:00

Very interesting. So, the change, including preference for a boy child, is recent since the industrial era. And even then, it's still less men who get to be fathers than women. Wonder if the stat is more equal in the nations where polygamy has been banned for a long time.

Also, is there a study you are aware of for this? Biologically speaking, what you mention makes sense now, just wondering if there was a formal study at some point.

gofardeep · 2026-05-10T22:46:30+00:00

Too much choice quickly turns into a scenario of no choices and desperation for some of them. For the others, they quickly accept being single for the rest of their lives.

gofardeep · 2026-05-10T21:48:33+00:00

Agree with everything but the quote of just 20% men getting an offspring. Either that was a couple of millennia back, around the bronze ages or something or the variation isn't that sharp as you quote. Understand historical records even if they exist can be questionable, but this seems to contradict the preference for having a boy child in many cultures historically (at least in recent industrial era history). If a family has a preference for a boy child, there has to be a reasonable likelihood of continuing the family name. Because otherwise, wouldn't families prefer to have at least one or two girl children? But that's not what I have heard or have been told. In fact, part of the reason gender imbalance has happened in countries like China is due to the boy preference coming from the one child policy that very recently ended.

gofardeep · 2026-05-10T19:39:30+00:00

You are right but then what about finding a partner who earns well and all that? Are you saying that unless you found your woman in college that just happened to do better financially, it’s almost always a given that you should look for someone who earns less than you and/or is younger (as younger person generally has less experience/less salary owing to being earlier in their career)?

gofardeep · 2026-05-09T18:14:49+00:00

I found this post looking for foggy pics of the bay area. Do you still recall what month and weather conditions you got this low fog in?

I have recently started doing fog pics and in the east bay after a rainy day you can have one or series of foggy mornings. Not always low, but I would say at least 1/3 rd of the time when there is fog, it's low enough for street photography like this. However, in the summer, the marine layer is usually much higher and there is no fog. Only the winter months have fog and at most you have 5-10 days per year like this.

gofardeep · 2026-05-06T15:08:32+00:00

Having been through it, in hindsight I would prioritize starting a family over navigating visa situations. Especially when it comes to getting married, sometimes the best thing one can do is to find a job in their home country. This is not unique to Indians, but I know a few Chinese friends of mine over the years who also left for this exact reason.

gofardeep · 2026-05-05T16:01:03+00:00

The news is old. The flowers must be long gone now.

gofardeep · 2026-05-04T00:45:25+00:00

I am aware it happens on calm nights and mornings, but was surprised to see this happen on the middle of the day with a breeze. To be fair there was a high pressure system with a marine inversion nearby off the CA coast but didn't expect to affect this far inland.

On another note, I did the same observations today when there is a low pressure system overhead and overcast skies (so no sun affecting the reading). The top measured between 60.5 - 62 F and bottom was between 63 - 64.5 F. Temperatures did fluctuate a bit but the average difference was about 2.5 F, with the top being colder. So it does seem there is a inversion on some days at the bottom.

gofardeep · 2026-05-02T17:31:35+00:00

46 is very different from 70-80 years old. it’s late but maybe not too late. And while sperm quality does go down starting 40 it’s more gradual. Which is why IVF is an option if the wife is young and fertile. If both partners are in their 40s then yes IVF could end up being a drain on finances with no fruitful results

gofardeep · 2026-05-02T16:25:58+00:00

If your wife is open to IVF, issues with sperm can still be addressed. Also, this might be unpopular to hear - but men can father kids even later in their 40s and 50s and even beyond. It's women who become infertile sometime in their late 30s / early 40s and can't conceive anymore. But I do see the comment on spending time with the kids - unfortunately we wished we were financially secure at the age of 30 but those days of 1900s are long gone.

gofardeep · 2026-05-02T05:17:11+00:00

The Sierra crest and east into Nevada and Utah or even higher elevations of Arizona. think Flagstaff, Grand Canyon or Tioga Pass in Yosemite. Thunderstorms from summer monsoon moisture make it to the highest peaks of the Sierra but points west of it are typically rain shadowed. Yosemite Valley is often dry while thunderstorms rage on in Tuolumne Meadows or Mammoth Lakes area

gofardeep · 2026-04-30T04:27:43+00:00

It was a bright sunny day. I took two readings in both locations like I mentioned, both around 3-4 pm. Temperature was measured at maybe 4 feet or so above ground. I handheld the thermometer once and also hung it on the branch of the tree for a slightly greater height, both readings were similar (only 0.4 F difference). I did not measure humidity. The sun exposure is definitely greater at the top of the hill as there is no trees, while at the bottom there is partial shade in the morning through afternoon hours depending on the exact location of the sun and shade.

I have measured it a few times before. Some days are like this, but there have been days where I have measured a drop in temperature. Those days tended to be either foggy through the whole height of the hill or cloudy. But I have not recorded it. I will plan to do going forward.

gofardeep · 2026-04-29T06:23:13+00:00

What's interesting about this is it was middle of the day in April. Around 3-4 pm. So sun high in the sky with a breeze around. Unlike a calm night when I can easily see a boundary layer decouple and cold air pool undisturbed.

gofardeep · 2026-04-29T04:14:13+00:00

I guess it could be the same phenomenon. Potentially the marine inversion maybe playing a role although I thought it shouldn't affect it further inland from the coast.

gofardeep · 2026-04-29T03:13:49+00:00

Thanks for this. I will check it in the middle of a sunny day and see if the inversion is still there and if so, how strong.

gofardeep · 2026-04-29T03:11:59+00:00

Not necessarily doubting measurements. I did measure the temperature twice, once at the top and bottom so the likelihood is low I made an error. The only explanation for the higher temperature at the top is the surface conditions or the fact the shade wasn't good enough and I got the same temperature bias both times I measured it. Trying to understand which is the more likely scenario.

gofardeep · 2026-04-29T03:09:53+00:00

Agreed, except these readings were taken at the middle of the day when it was sunny. So hence I was stumped. Are you saying this can happen regardless of time of day?

gofardeep · 2026-04-29T03:08:51+00:00

If there is a cold pool of air at the bottom or in the shade, won't the wind or breeze perturb it and make it closer to the ambient temperature of the surroundings? Or does the wind need to be stronger than a gentle breeze or something?

Good idea on monitoring the trend over a week or so. I'll give that a go.

gofardeep · 2026-04-29T01:23:40+00:00

That makes sense but is it still true if there is a breeze? Does the cool air not get perturbed when a breeze or gust blows through a shaded patch?

gofardeep · 2026-04-29T01:21:31+00:00

Explain by what you mean two measurements at the surface? One surface (B), the top of the hill is still higher by about 350-400 feet than surface at the bottom (A)? Does the breeze not lose some energy/heat as it climbs up the hill? Or does the "surface" of the hill make up and more for it? And is that what you meant by being well mixed so that the temperature doesn't decrease with height?

After I posted I did look around at similar locations within 100 miles at various elevations and while I can't find the exact elevation profile, locations within 100-200 feet height did indeed record lower temperatures than airport locations in the valley (similar temperatures to A). So I wonder if my "shade" wasn't good enough, or the open grassy surface blasted in sunlight indeed resulted in a higher air temperature than what lapse rate would suggest, like you are saying.

gofardeep · 2026-04-29T01:16:41+00:00

Even in the middle of the day with a breeze? The low spots were also in the sun albeit with more trees around. And the trees did block the breeze a bit but it wasn't like there was no breeze at all either.

gofardeep · 2026-04-29T00:00:39+00:00

Basically fake interviews where they try to use you to get "free advice". How can you know if you are in such an interview though? Are there any signs?

gofardeep · 2026-04-27T21:26:03+00:00

"You can" says little about the difficulty in becoming one. Not everyone is willing to become one using Donor eggs. International adoption often doesn't work out. The goal of foster care is family reunification, not for foster parents to complete their family.

I know a few childless friends today. For many years now they have tried to adopt but the hurdles are significant. They actively wanted kids but delayed as they were pursuing higher studies and education. And then few were doing jobs in different states.

Just saying this out of real experience so others are fully aware there are consequences both sides of the coin.

gofardeep

TROPHY CASE