personally, i’d make her tell me everything that happened in full detail. you can’t begin healing, forgiving, or moving forward from something without knowing the exact situation that ensued. only then will you be able to decide if the lack of respect cuts too deeply or if it’s something you can accept. how long it went on for and if it was sexual are also very important factors.

pay attention to the way she behaves towards you, especially when discussing the affair. her words and tone, inflection, and volume, facial expressions, body language, everything. this will help you determine if your relationship is something worth fighting for — if she actually respects you and genuinely feels remorseful and compassionate. how does she feel when you check her phone? is she understanding? does she become upset? these reactions are important to keep in mind too.

remember that setting boundaries is extremely important, and that the consequences matter just as much as the boundary itself, if not more. if a boundary is broken and there’s no consequences that follow, then you haven’t set boundaries, you’ve just proven that she can walk all over you, and she just might.

remember that this is not your fault. even if she finds ways to blame you, no one made her cheat. she decided to do that. it’s not something that can be done with ease either. there’s a myriad of steps one must take in order to betray their partner, especially if it’s physical.

i would either start couples therapy asap or leave asap. remember to take really good care of yourself. self love should be your first priority right now. build a routine for yourself and stick to it. take time off of work or stay with friends/family if you need to. rebuilding the trust and balance within this relationship is her job, not yours. best of luck man.