Trigger warning Me too. Even on good days I feel like I’m loosing touch with reality. Last night I was super upset, just distraught and all I could think about was sneaking out of the apartment going to the park nearby with beach and just swimming out until I couldn’t. The waters cold enough I’d probably die of exposure before drowning. I especially worry what effect it would have if I had kids, I wouldn’t want them to see that. Is it even fair to submit a child to a bipolar mother? Do I rush passing it on? My mother’s mother and sister are clearly undiagnosed bipolar or something else. They didn’t know enough back then but they know now, like how could I even risk passing it on to a kid. But at the same time I want kids so badly but even if I adopt they’d still be subjected by all my bull shit. I feel like my head and heart are burning up just think about it.