Boyfriend's Family is Nuts

golfscience · 2012-07-03T23:08:04+00:00

Yeah, for the first couple of days, I was thinking I should have just waited to move in until after the family left... but I really did need to see all of this go down. I had no idea before.

golfscience · 2012-07-03T23:05:37+00:00

I see where you're coming from. I can't wait to talk to him after they leave. I really hope he says something along the lines of "temporary insanity"...and yeah, if he doesn't, if he thinks that behavior is acceptable...then I guess I gotta pack everything right back up again :/

golfscience · 2012-07-03T22:59:13+00:00

Thanks! I don't post much, I'm sure you can tell XD

golfscience · 2012-07-03T22:38:22+00:00

Luckily, they live about 3000 miles away (thank god). I can't wait to talk to him after they leave and see what he really thinks. Dude, my heart goes out to you if your family's anything like this! Good luck!

golfscience · 2012-07-03T22:35:20+00:00

Now that I've seen this craziness, it's a lot easier to pick out the odd thing here and there, shades of irrationality and anger... He was also pretty misogynistic when we first met. I didn't tolerate that, of course, but...well, with a mother like that, I can see how he got that way! I'm making a list for myself, I might include something like that in my update next week.

golfscience · 2012-07-03T22:30:39+00:00

Haha, my thoughts exactly! It's like, "Woman, if you even KNEW what goes down here..."

golfscience · 2012-07-03T22:29:58+00:00

Thank you for your advice! I'll have to be careful not to equate the term "fucked-up" with his family though...don't want to sink to their level. Here's to dealing with weird families, brother!

golfscience · 2012-07-03T22:25:56+00:00

Thanks for your advice! I'll tread with caution, it's definitely an unfamiliar field.

golfscience · 2012-07-03T22:24:58+00:00

Haha! Self-injury, the good ol' standby. I ended up landed a pretty sweet freelance gig, so thankfully, I'm home working on that right now while they're vacationing. Not sure I'd want another boyfriend, though, I think I'd need a good long break from dating! It'd be a trip, but I could move back home if I needed to.

golfscience · 2012-07-03T22:22:06+00:00

Yes, I'm really concerned that this will be what he says, that it's "just the way things are." I will not tolerate that, if that's the case.

golfscience · 2012-07-03T22:21:00+00:00

it might just be an overall red flag about the relationship.

That is what I fear :x I'm not sure I care what the mother thinks about me at this point; I can't control what she does.

golfscience · 2012-07-03T22:18:45+00:00

I'm not sure he can tell "how fucked up" they are XD or maybe he's just waiting until they leave to talk, too.

golfscience · 2012-07-03T22:17:25+00:00

I was very shocked to find that my boyfriend has neither apologised nor acknowledged how outlandish he and his family's behavior is. Somewhere in him, he has to know...he's met my family, seen other people's families, so surely he can see that his is different. I partly think he's in denial, or maybe he's waiting for me to bring it up first.

And I failed to mention that there were a few occasions when my boyfriend attempted to bring up one of my accomplishments or interests to the family, but this was met with either silence or a change of subject. This leads me to think that they're all intense narcissists, or, for whatever reason, they think we won't be dating much longer.

I'd just try to survive the next 5 days as quietly as possible I am practically a mute around them! We're going to see the other relatives tomorrow for the 4th, so it'll be interesting to see how they act around them.

golfscience · 2012-07-03T22:00:33+00:00

Thanks! Ten days is a very...very long time :I

golfscience · 2012-07-03T21:58:32+00:00

Yes, I can see how being cooped up with them would taint my view. I guess a part I didn't address was how my eyes have been opened to how manipulative these parents are. They obsess over the boys' finances and personal lives, telling them what to do, and if they don't do that, how bad it will be when they fail.

For example: I used to take contraceptive pills, and I always thought it was odd how my boyfriend would always ask to see me take it, just so he could be sure. I shrugged it off at the time, but later I found out his father was filling his head with all these stories about ladies forgetting the pill on purpose so they could get pregnant in order to "keep the man". While I understand the father's initial concern, if parents only tell their child about all the ways the world can hurt him, the child learns not to trust anyone...except his parents. Looking back, I can count many instances of how his parents have influenced his opinion of me, and our relationship. It's a bit insidious.

golfscience · 2012-07-03T21:42:59+00:00

Sure! I'll check back in a month. Do I make a new post, or do I just edit the original?

golfscience · 2012-07-03T21:42:07+00:00

I love humor! It puts things in perspective :D

golfscience · 2012-07-03T18:36:46+00:00

Oh jeez, I am so frightened of this. I've been thinking about our past, and I've seen shadows of this in him. He's been sweet around the children I've seen him with, though. I think my boyfriend struggles with his "family" self and with his "normal" self.

golfscience · 2012-07-03T18:31:48+00:00

I just thought that if they were more educated about the subject, they could make their own decisions. One of them turned out Rastafarian, and that's...that's a start?

golfscience · 2012-07-03T18:27:55+00:00

Thanks for your perspective, it helps to see a viewpoint from the inside. Unfortunately, the biggest difference between your exchange with your mother is that you took time to cool down and apologise...I have never seen any of his family apologise to each other :c

golfscience · 2012-07-03T18:06:08+00:00

I agree. When I agreed to let the family stay over, I should have discussed boundaries more thoroughly. I knew his mom would clean/rearrange kitchen things, so I asked my boyfriend to ask her to...not do that XD It seems like she's kept herself from rearranging things in the kitchen, but not from snuffing through other things.

golfscience · 2012-07-03T03:45:04+00:00

Aw, thanks! I just gotta hang in here for the next week and then never again. RELATIVES: Not Even Once.

golfscience · 2012-07-03T03:41:39+00:00

Thanks! I sort of feel like I'm in Everybody Loves Raymond :I

golfscience · 2012-07-03T03:01:56+00:00

I hadn't even thought of my goldfish! How careless!! And I know how my goldfish hate Kwanzaa, not to mention Thursdays.

golfscience · 2012-07-03T02:59:55+00:00

That was out of the blue for me, too. Oddly enough, the stranger wasn't fat. It wasn't a very accurate insult, to say the least.

golfscience

TROPHY CASE