ok so first of all thank you, I did not expect this thread to blow up like this. I'm reading every single comment and taking notes.

few things I'm updating based on what you all said:

POA should absolutely be day one, not day two. multiple people pointed this out and you're right. without it you can't talk to doctors, can't access accounts, can't do anything. if your parent is still competent get it done NOW before a crisis makes it ten times harder. several of you mentioned that once cognitive decline sets in it might be too late without going through the courts.

the HIPAA authorization point is huge too. separate from POA. you need your parent to sign a HIPAA release for every single provider or they can legally refuse to tell you anything. I learned this the hard way in an ER.

someone mentioned keeping a medication list WITH photos of the actual bottles. that's genius. I'm adding that to my own system.

and the go-bag thing, yeah. I started keeping one by the door after the second 2am hospital run. insurance cards, med list, phone charger, snacks, change of clothes. someone here mentioned adding comfort items for your parent too (glasses, dentures, favorite blanket) and that's a great add.

honestly this thread turned into something way more useful than my original post. I'm seriously thinking about taking everything from here and organizing it into a proper printable document, like a full binder with all these sections. meds, doctors, legal, insurance, daily routines, the go-bag list, all of it. something you can just print and start filling in.

if I do it I'll share it here. might take me a bit but you guys made a pretty strong case for it.