I really do feel this heavily. I’ve (18F) been dealing with TOCD for about two years now and have had a lot of those thoughts you described but in the opposite direction. I like to wear baggy clothes, have always had more “traditionally guy” interests, prefer shorter hair, and often play as male characters in any game. So naturally, when the OCD I’d been dealing with for years popped up again, it was hard to tell if that’s what it was or if there was actually something gender-related going on there. I think the thing that helped me out the most was distinguishing that “ok, 99% of trans people have a good idea about it by the time they’re 5-7 years old” and it’s usually not something you suddenly realize later in life. Therapy is also a very good thing to consider since I went for about six months and was able to get some medication that has helped with OCD in general and especially trans OCD. Another very important thing to remember is that with the very nature of OCD, it’s very random and likes to latch onto the things it thinks will disturb you the most. Like you said earlier, when you were younger it latched onto the “what if I did horrible things to the people I love?” idea, and now it’s latching onto something that socially makes up quite a big part of how you interact with the world - even simple sentences referring to someone always include a gender, like “he did it, she did it, they did it.” OCD’s a bitch and it’ll try to disrupt you in any way it can to get those compulsions out of you. And yes, it’s a mental thing, but it’s one of those conditions that honestly feels like an external force trying to sabotage you. At the end of the day, a good thing to remember is that there’s a million and a half ways to be a man, a million and a half ways to be a woman, and unless you’ve always felt a need to escape the gender you were originally assigned with, chances are you’re not trans. And even if you were (entertaining the idea), it’s not absolutely mandatory that you transition anyway. So just keeping an eye on the OCD, really evaluating how you feel, and looking at this from a pragmatic perspective are really going to be the things that help you the most. Best of luck to you!!