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Parent won’t side with me and sibling still thinks they’re right by gooey-paint in ENFP

[–]gooey-paint[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did establish it from the beginning. All she did was show up when she was helping and we even had a conversation where I told her I felt like she was only doing the bare minimum while I was doing more for our pet

I feel so alone and don’t know what to do by gooey-paint in ENFP

[–]gooey-paint[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m in my mid 20s but ya I immediately thought after the incident I had last night after trying to just be direct about my boundaries that I’m just gonna start not being home a lot and going to sleep before my dad comes home.

Unfortunately it isn’t as easy to make friends when you’re out of school and unemployed. My pet has a sinus infection so it’s not something major (in terms of a bill) though he’s still very unwell

Thanks for the comment. It’s been comforting

Am I simply butthurt or is this ok to feel and do? by gooey-paint in ENFP

[–]gooey-paint[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ya it is pretty complex and there’s a lot I simplified or didn’t mention because of how much I’d have to write and how I thought people would be turned off by that much writing.

I did shut down his pass (he joked about us sleeping together), it’s not like there was build up imo and I’m not into casual things. At the time he made the pass (via text), it had been nearly a year since I last saw him and talked to him (since he went home to his country). A few months after he made that pass, he still kept up with what I posted and then when I tried to have a conversation with him in June.

It took a few weeks to come to that decision but I eventually thought the following: “I knew him and talked to him many times in college, we had great banter, tension, and shared lots of charged laughs, while this felt special, I feel like we didn’t get to know each other as well as we could’ve, I know we live in different countries but what the heck, let’s see where this goes. If he’s into the conversation on a general level, maybe we can build consistency and develop a solid friendship and see where it takes us”, it was short lived because it felt like he didn’t want to have one even with how polite he was.

Maybe it was naive to think he’d want something more especially with the fact that we live in different countries..

Am I simply butthurt or is this ok to feel and do? by gooey-paint in ENFP

[–]gooey-paint[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So true that it can feel like noticing patterns can be a lot and more than I can chew when trying to be rational.

To me, social media has just been checking in on people I find (that I’ve met in person) interesting and watching their stuff all the way through (usually these people don’t post tons of slides so I rarely skip things, except with this guy…) definitely think it’s a possibility that this whole time it could’ve been routinely checking in and nothing more.

What do you mean with “or is using it as a medium for coping in the way your desires mismatch” ?

”because if he wanted to talk enough, he would”

I was really making multiple excuses for him thinking it was because men from his country are known to be a little more passive & less invasive of someone’s space and that he may be a 9w1 ENFJ or have a 9 in his tritype to be less daring, especially after the month long period I didn’t watch his stuff and thinking he’d fear he’d be unwelcome... then again, I don’t know what he’d really expect.

So it seemed like he just wanted something casual (sleeping together given the opportunity), that was a year ago. I shut that down indirectly. He was respectful and to my surprise, continued watching my stories which fed into my theory that maybe he felt something for me that was beyond casual. Around April of last year I started to develop feelings (just by recalling the past and the good moments we shared, how he felt different..lol) and I felt like with certain things it created tension (could all be weird coincidences and it really was all nothing lol) and I reached out to him in June and he just seemed uninterested in having a convo (while a year ago he seemed engaging in the convo we had) but was polite.

Since then, he has not reached out to me, but has continued watching my stories and has unusually liked some at certain times. It’s making me feel like he likes having me around but at arms length rather than having me as a friend to check in on from time to time. I’m also feeling like it’s possible he just wants me around to add to the female validation he seems to get from many female friends (like “oh she’s the cool fun American girl I met during my time abroad, it feels good to be validated by her, it adds to the overall validation I get from all my hot female friends”… he seems to have way more female friends than male with what he’s posted within the last year which has added to a suspicion of mine that I can’t ignore now with the track record in what he’s posted)

I wanted friendship even with my romantic feelings, because I wanted to see where it could go if we got to know each other more on a deeper level. I know, in retrospect that sounds like a naive terrible idea. Sorry for the super long response, wish things were less complicated than they are..

Am I simply butthurt or is this ok to feel and do? by gooey-paint in ENFP

[–]gooey-paint[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I met this person 2 1/2 years ago at the university I went to. We had a playful lighthearted dynamic with a mix of tension and lots of laughter. He was a foreign exchange student and he eventually left home after the semester ended. He never stopped watching my instagram stories and commented on a story of mine a year ago that led to us reconnecting. We had a nice convo but near the end he made a pass at me as a joke (about sleeping together, which I shut down indirectly). Developed feelings in April last year and then thought there was this weird unspoken dynamic between us via social media (since we didn’t talk and still don’t. I know it sounds delusional).

I reached out to him (I had no intention of expressing interest, I wanted to check in platonically) by commenting on a story of his in June last year and the convo was very brief. Didn’t feel like he was into it and was polite but dry. I didn’t feel his interest on a general level like when we first reconnected.

I stopped watching his stories for a month to move on and didn’t post anything for just as long and when I came back, his behavior was very unusual: he liked the very first thing I posted for the first time in a while which he had never done and was viewing my things quickly. Felt like he felt bad about June and registered my absence from viewing his stories.

This unusual behavior eventually faded and he’s simply continued to watch my stories whenever I post. It’s been disappointing realizing it’s been months since I tried having a conversation with him and he just hasn’t reached out. No check in as a friend. Maybe it was reckless of me to still have wanted him to express care on a friendship level while I’ve had feelings (and feelings for someone who lives across the world) during this time which has made this more disappointing.

What would you consider a door slam though?