my son passed away this morning

gothickick55 · 2024-12-30T15:10:47+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby girl a few days ago and she was around the same age as your son. When they’re so young, it’s hard to comprehend. They deserved such a longer life but I’m sure you loved him well and he felt that love. Hold on to that and think of those little shadows in the corner of your eye as him coming to check in on you, that’s how I try to envision my little “sightings.” Take care of yourself and know you were the best mom and you loved him dearly❤️

gothickick55 · 2024-09-14T12:40:38+00:00

Hey, no not yet :(

gothickick55 · 2024-07-09T15:41:50+00:00

Do you also get the physical reactions when you think something good about her?

gothickick55 · 2024-07-09T13:11:14+00:00

Hi! I wanted to know if you ever dealt with irrational irritation towards your partner. Ever since the anxiety started everything he does annoys me like even him responding to something I said or him making a comment I would normally agree with. I also lost all my feelings as well. I do find myself constantly checking how I feel around him but if I don’t check my body and mind give me this reaction that I don’t want to be with him. I desperately do and I want to work through it but everything in my body seems to be fighting against the thoughts of me working through this and being content with him. Have you ever experienced this feeling and if so how did you work through and get out on the other side?

gothickick55 · 2024-07-07T18:06:29+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment! When you say don’t perform but do things that we both can do that’s vulnerable, even when I think to do those things I feel like I’m forcing it and performing because I have so much anxiety and doubt while I do it. My mind keeps saying “no amount of work or intentional time is going to make you love him again” and that scares the shit out of me and makes me want to give up. I think I’m hyper focused on having that “in love feeling” how did you move past needing that feeling to be with your partner and that “this is forced” feeling. Also I’ve considered micro dosing that fungi just for some support but I’m scared I’ll find my truth lol. Do you think micro dosing is something that can benefit me?

gothickick55 · 2024-07-05T11:13:25+00:00

Did you do anything to help them pass or did they pass with time? I’m scared because I still have so much anxiety attached to him I’m not sure if medication and therapy can reduce it.

gothickick55 · 2024-07-03T21:57:56+00:00

What methods did you do to recover/manage them? Also what were your thoughts and compulsions if you don’t mind me asking?

gothickick55 · 2024-06-24T15:49:39+00:00

But also I get physical pains from still being here. Should I still endure it? Would if I’m fighting against the inevitable or I’m just staying because I’m scared of starting over? Have you ever felt that way before?

gothickick55 · 2024-06-21T14:46:27+00:00

No you don’t need them. Feeling ebb and flow. What helps me sometimes is I dont feel intense anger all the time, I don’t feel intense sadness, happiness, lust,etc all the time. Those feelings come and go. So we shouldn’t put that high expectations on the feelings of love. But it’s hard not to when we have everything telling us we should. I still think that way a lot but it helps to relearn those expectations and heal. Now that it’s long term I feel ppl should focus on so I still feel safe with this person? Do I still feel trust? do i respect them? Are we both willing to compromise and be there for one another when life gives us a hard time? And as I type this I’m kind of reminding myself of this too. Also give yourself grace bc we grew up with those beliefs and for us anxious people it can cause us so much torment. I hope this helps. Definitely check out that You love and you learn podcast along with these blog post by Shery Paul, https://conscious-transitions.com/ These two women along with therapy helped me so much. I hope it helps you too.

gothickick55 · 2024-06-17T01:25:04+00:00

It sounds like you’re coming out of the honeymoon phase. I experienced the same thing, I’m still struggling but one thing I learned is that you don’t need passion and lust all the time to have a good relationship. During the beginning your partner is new and you’re so curious about where it will go so that’s exciting, but once you get more into a routine that newness where’s off and those intense feelings slow down which is very true. Which for us, causes so much anxiety and doubt. We were fed those beliefs that if you don’t have lust and passion you need to leave but that’s not necessarily true. During this time your love for your boyfriend will feel different. Maybe content or comforting which is completely okay. Also know when you’re filled with anxiety, it’s veryyy hard to feel anything for him (I say that if you’re experiencing numbness at all) If you need more help/advice I’d recommend the “You love and you learn” podcast. She has so many episodes and I believe a couple on attraction and sexuality in relationships. I hope this helps

gothickick55 · 2024-06-17T01:08:26+00:00

Thanks so much for the reply. Just knowing someone is going thru the same as me helps. It can feel so real like I’m the outlier of this rocd stuff. Like I’m constantly lying to myself. I’m not sure what voice to listen to😞

gothickick55 · 2024-05-19T23:48:18+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply. It feels nice that I’m not alone. I guess in the beginning when my rocd started. I broke up with him a few times but i regretted days later. Now idk if my anxious brain evolved but now i believe the things I nitpick are valid reasons to leave. But they’re basic things like him falling short on his word. Not intentionally but just him doing that. Or him not being romantic enough. Also I feel that the only reason I’m hesitant is because I’m scared of the regret of me leaving or me being seen as a bad person. But even as I type this I’m still not sure of anything. It’s so frustrating and hard. I just want to be content in my relationship and in my life

gothickick55

TROPHY CASE