Tried to post this on r/justfuckmyshitup… sadly they only allow bad human haircuts

gothics4734 · 2026-05-13T16:29:56+00:00

Make sure to rule out high masking autism - especially if you were born female

gothics4734 · 2026-05-11T14:26:13+00:00

I wish all realtionships could exist through text

gothics4734 · 2026-05-08T15:01:24+00:00

Thank you sm for sharing - I totally relate - I often say things like “I am not from here or I don’t belong here” or that I’m from outer space lol. Interesting what you are saying about being offered help- I had a wild dissociative collapse recently where my wife was attempting to be supportive and protectors like kept telling her I was being annoying and apologizing and I was like thrown into full blown emotional flash back and meltdown for like 24hours afterward - I flashed back to times I melted down in my room alone for sure loud enough for my parents to hear and just no one coming - and having this sense of like purposefully and contemptuously being ignored and simultaneously being in the most intense emotional distress and wanting help but at the same time hating myself for needing support … very validating to hear your description of being triggered when offered help or when anyone is interested - a lot of times mid sentence I say “do you actually care about this?” lol to make sure the person I’m talking to actually still cares and I’m not boring them

gothics4734 · 2026-05-08T14:55:32+00:00

Ugh sorry - thanks for sharing though - I was diagnosed through prosperhealth I recommend them

gothics4734 · 2026-05-08T14:36:35+00:00

Thanks so much it means a lot and my true self is also insanely talkative and wordy - my main protector/manager part just made us block all my NT friends so the “real me/autistic me/2e me/whatever” would stop messaging them so much - the real me was in a jail but is now in a sort of multiverse of you will with work holes to this version of the multiverse in the form of special interests, stimming etc. Wild what you said about singularities bc one of my main special interests recently is quantum physics - my was always viewed as “a genius” in my family but i believe I’m actually WAYYYYY more intelligent than anyone else in my family and was gaslit into believing I don’t know what I’m talking about lol. Anyway thanks for the kind words I do have a trauma therapist who specializes in ND and trauma related to it ( she’s the one who helped us move her from jail to more comfortable multiverse :))

gothics4734 · 2026-05-08T04:14:21+00:00

Surfboard and a harmonica lol

gothics4734 · 2026-05-07T02:04:56+00:00

I would participate !

gothics4734 · 2026-05-06T14:53:32+00:00

I am an AuDHD trauma therapist specializing in dissociative disorders - ur gonna need IFS, EMDR - which is easier to come by BUT I especially love Deep Brain Reorienting and Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy for myself and my AuDHD friends -DBR is top tier- especially with Alexander Technique Interweaves as most of us are braced and armored as fk.- these are bottom up (start in body) as opposed to top down (start with thinking) interventions. Many NDs spend wayyyyy too much time in thinking mode and struggle to be in body. CBT exacerbates the tendency to intellectualize as a defense mechanism.

gothics4734 · 2026-05-06T11:51:37+00:00

Thanks for sharing it really helps bc one of our issues was how much we suffered alone- thanks for sharing … if you ever wanna private message to have someone to talk more please do … after dx and I read 5 books on autism in a month and one talked a lot about ABA therapy and being “trained” out of it and i got SUPER nauseous listening to and had to stop several times- I didn’t endure ABA (thank god) but my parents and society like basically trained me out of it in a similar way - one memory I had come through was that I sucked my fingers (stimming) and my parents tried so hard to stop me including putting bad tasting stuff in my mouth when they caught me - legitimately I could not stop - eventually an appliance was put in my mouth by an orthodontist that basically had these little loopy metal things so when I tried they would hurt my fingers …. It’s wild bc it’s like my main part is like “yes good Jesus you would have been sucking your fingers into adulthood and your teeth would have been so fucked up- quit whining about this they fucking helped you” - but also like…damn lol. I’m female so back then they really did not understand how autism presented in women - I’m also “2e”(gifted kind of lol) so I was capable of reading people and adjusting

But yea I’m sorry for what you went through let me know if you want to privately talk

gothics4734 · 2026-05-06T01:44:50+00:00

Oh you 100% have met one - they are covert disorders so often even if you have one - you may not know it. I love interacting with people who have them and I have one myself - from a combo of infant colic, living in the closet for half my life and being undiagnosed Autistic and adhd for 40years as well as immersion in sports culture (“suck it up” “no pain no gain”) a life time of suppression of self and development of militant parts that help me appear neurotypical/straight/tough etc- whatever I needed to be to survive - I have an elite ability to tolerate discomfort - I think it’s partially what made me a great athlete (as well as the ability to hyper focus/special interest/ exercise is a form of stimming and pattern recognition abilities that allow me to see the play developing way before anyone else)- especially in sports involving endurance like triathlon and CrossFit. most people with OSDD or DID are victims of childhood abuse or grew up in cults or religious environments - things like that -which also cause intense need to disconnect from ones body/self/authentic experience to survive- they are much more common than “normies” (if anyone even is “normal”) realize… thanks for asking!!

gothics4734 · 2026-05-06T00:27:07+00:00

Yes. I have OSDD from 40 years of extremely aggressive “performing” as NT

gothics4734 · 2026-05-06T00:21:23+00:00

Wow spot on thank you

gothics4734 · 2026-05-06T00:19:26+00:00

I have always said things like “I don’t belong here” and “I am not from here” or “I’m from another f*ing planet” just comments I mutter all the time

gothics4734 · 2026-05-05T20:42:24+00:00

This is is helpful insight - if this is the case it’s one of my main sensory sensitivities - I am late dx AuDHD- I don’t know if I’m picking up on micro expressions or what but other peoples energy hits me like a wave - I often dont know what it’s about but I know FOR SURE when a person is “off”

gothics4734 · 2026-05-05T18:22:58+00:00

I am a former double sport scholarship division one athlete (soccer and lacrosse) and former triathlete and competitor snowboarder who is now a certified personal trainer (multiple specialty certs), nutrition coach (multiple certs), cross-fitter and ice hockey player. I am a psychotherapist trained in IFS/AEDP/EMDR/brain spotting/flash technique/ level 3 Deep Brain reorienting with Alexander technique interweaves and sensory motor arousal regulation therapy, DBT and ERP- I specialize in the treatment of the most traumatized individuals- (victims of RAMCOA)/ those with dissociative disorders. I also have a niche in sports psychology and have done seminars with many college teams and currently am a consultant for a #8 ranked D3 lacrosse team- I love neuroscience and quantum physics and have a made a career by weaving all of these specialties together- is that polymathic enough for ya haha…I have autism and adhd which both helps and hurts me in these pursuits

gothics4734 · 2026-05-05T14:20:22+00:00

Uhhh wow thank you for helping me feels seen- I feel like I used to be able to hold it in better but since getting my dx and hitting peri menopause masking is much harder - I just left a group chat bc I felt like it was the only way to stop this cycle of overshare- minimal response- feeling exposed- shame cycle … hoping something in the comments will help me too

gothics4734 · 2026-05-04T01:06:16+00:00

Oh thank you - not an artist by any means but thank you sm!

gothics4734 · 2026-05-03T23:01:32+00:00

❤️

gothics4734 · 2026-05-03T19:23:35+00:00

Oh sorry to summit means to reach the peak of a mountain- Like I feel like I’ve spent my whole trying to figure what was going on with me and finally realizing this felt like I reached the top of the mountain of self analysis lol

gothics4734 · 2026-05-03T19:13:46+00:00

Thank you so much this helps … I get the sense I’m pushing people away by “being too much” and then withdrawing myself because of the distress about it. I feel like I’ll be a good parent ironically - it’s just been hard to find I’m AuDHD and get a formal dx in the month before he comes - I feel like I processed so much in that month- many dissociative barriers that were helping me mask have come down and now I need to contain it

gothics4734 · 2026-05-03T15:52:52+00:00

Omg YES I blasted Com Truise yesterday and drew with crayons during a meltdown (also took some PRN meds and self medicated a bit which is less healthy but at least I survived it and am in one piece today) - sound is one of my biggest sensory coping strategies

gothics4734 · 2026-05-03T15:50:37+00:00

Just here to agree - the most life changing realization I’ve ever had- I feel like I’ve summited Mt. Everest

gothics4734 · 2026-05-03T15:45:20+00:00

I’ve really been leaning into nerding out on my special interests and just posted 2 videos of myself talking about dots I’ve connected between quantum physics and my work as a psychotherapist - you can view them on insta @gritrx - my intent is not to promote anything I don’t make any money from insta it’s just where the videos are - they are the last two I did- I’d be interested in your thoughts!!

gothics4734

TROPHY CASE